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help my friend is taking things from me


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Hello everyone, I have a problem, either i'm crazy or someone is taking things from me. I don't know right now, which i'd rather, me crazy or someone close to me taking things.

 

A close friend of mine has in the past been known for taking money from people she was friends with, this was yrs ago. A few other bad things for example a bomb threat at another friends wedding, which she has never admitted to or charges of any sort been filed.

 

Anyother very close friend of mine w/whom I could and would trust the world with left her purse in the car with the bad friend (see above) and the next few days worked up the courage to tell me $50 was missing from her wallet. She is very careful w/her $ and wouldn't just lose it she knew she put in her wallet. So I confronted bad friend about the money missing and told her it was between us I just wanted honesty i would forgive her. She cried and denied it. I figured I was giving her one more chance with out her thinking she was getting away with it.

 

around easter I lost a bag of pretty expensive stuff, it just disappeared out of my house, I got to the point where I thought maybe I threw it away by mistake by the way the last time i used it she was with me. She even came over and helped me search garbage bags, but you guessed it ---- gone not in the garbage.

 

So I've always had a bad feeling when it came to trusting her, but we've been friends for quiet a few yrs and she never did anything to me.

 

In the last few months've noticed things that maybe, I could've misplaced, like I swear I had 2 tens in my wallet and there's not there's only one, my husbands change bucket missing.

 

The best was about 1 month ago I had her over we were in the pool outside and I left a $50 dollar bill and a $20 in my dish drainer in my kitchen, she came in to use the bathroom and came out saying you have money in your dish drainer, I told her I knew that I left it there on purpose. After she left I walked in and checked the money there was only a 50 no 20.

 

I confronted her about it she sent me a letter and a check for $20. She wrote I can't believe you would think that of me you think I took it cash the check.

So again I felt bad how and why would she take the 20 ruin a friendship then send a check?

 

I told her we again would put it behind us there was just no explain. In the last few weeks I have been very careful not to leave anything around and to let her know I know how much $ is in my wallet.

 

Well I left her alone in my house again the other day while I ran out, she lit a candle in the kitchen so when she left I went to light a $25 Yankee candle in my living room----gone the candle must have grew legs and walked out of my house.

So now I look threw my entire house for this candle and in the bathroom I notice a brand new bottle of hair gel I just bought the night before. you guessed it gone........

 

My questions are is it me am I nuts or do I have reason? What should I do? Any simuliar situations or stories anyone can share I just can't believe it and I don't know what to do.

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No, she is obviously dishonest. I would not leave her around any of your valueables.... in fact, I would not let her in to your house. Meet elsewhere if you want to keep up the friendship. I would also confront her about the other missing stuff - of course you're not going insane!!! Tell her that if it keeps happening then you will have no option that to notify the Police

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Thanks, just wanted to make sure it wasn't me, because I just don't understand a candle and a bottle of hairspray it's petty, but it's still missing. I have avoided her phone calls all day, because I know if I confront her on these last to things ( which she knows I'm very upset are missing) she just say I'm crazy why would she risk a friendship over something so small. Just like she said about the $20 to make me think I'm going crazy. I think I'm just going to avoid her phone calls and just hope she stops calling. thanks for your reply.

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She made a bomb threat at a friend's wedding? how do you know this? And if you believe it to be true, why on earth would you remain friends with someone so unstable and scary?

 

If you suspect she's a klepto(maniac), why would you go and leave her alone in your house? why would you invite her over and leave a fair schwack of cash just sitting around in your kitchen?

 

It seems obvious you're not crazy and she's stealing things.......I mean, why would she have mailed you $20 if she hadn't stolen it?

 

People who steal things are often mentally ill..........as mentioned above, kleptomaniac. read up on it. Suggest she get some help.

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I should've learned my lesson long ago but I'm the type of person who just wants to give everyone another chance and because everything is just pointing at her I never really caught her in the act I guess I just hoped it was me misplacing things, I guess not huh?

 

Like I said I should have learned my lesson and not let her back in.

 

As far as the bomb threat goes, she was friend with we'll call her april well me and april were not speaking for childish reasons (we were very young girls this happened yrs ago) well bad friend was all of a sudden not talking to april anymore and the night of aprils wedding there was a bomb threat made. The police went to bad friends house to question her but there was never any proof and she never admit it to me, she has told others that it wasn't her but it was so and so like she knew.

 

 

What should I do avoid her or acuse her of taking a candle and hair gel (how rediculous does that sound). I just hope she gets the hint and stops calling.

 

Thank you in advance.

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laRubiaBonita

Hopefully, It will be a wake up call.

 

and i too, give people the benefit of the doubt, the first time...but i have learned, if i have to a second time, depending on the circumstance, well really how much is it worth to me to have a "friend" i have to second guess?

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Whathappenedtome

Hi,

 

No you are not crazy and you should not feel bad. Your friend is a kleptomaniac. I know this because she sounds just like me.

 

I have been stealing from stores, from my friends, from my family - even my boyfriends, for the past 10 years. I've been caught shoplifting once and let off with a warning, and have lost a couple of friends when they discovered I had stolen stuff from them.

 

I don't need any of the things I steal and I don't know why I do it. I have stolen things from wallets to stationary to fake flowers (!). When the opportunity presents itself I can't resist. I never feel guilty, I only regret it when I am confronted.

 

I do miss those friends who have rejected me because they know I have stolen from them (even though I continue to deny). I think that a few of my current friends don't trust me but like you, they have no proof that I steal and I can make them feel guilty for accusing me of it if they ever do. I can be very manipulative and I suspect that your friend is too.

 

Confronting your friend won't do anything - she needs professional help. I hope one day I seek that help too.

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well really how much is it worth to me to have a "friend" i have to second guess?

 

 

 

thank you for your reply, i said the same thing to myself early today. Why do I feel bad and feel like I owe her an explanation? I also said I guess if for some reason I'm wrong Its my loss I guess. I just can't keep thinking the worst of her all the time.

 

Why would people do things like that especially to a person they spend half their life with, basically it would be like the person living with you stealing thats how close we were. I just don't understand people.

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i understand this all too well...you are not crazy, your things were not misplaced, and i think she took them too..i mean ok one thing can be misplaced, but if shes been in the area and they're gone then that means shes a thief and doesnt value your friendship..

 

i had a friend in hs, that was going thru a hard time, she was dating a older dude who got her pregnant and left her, and she disobeyed her mother so much that her mom put her out..so with no place to go and no family about and her being my bestfriend sorta, i begged my mother, who was unemployed at the time to let her stay with us for awhile... my mother brought groceries for three instead of the usual two, i gave this girl money for lunch and pocket change, gave her shoes, clothes,etc... well my mother talked to her mother and finally convinced her to let her daughter come back home and they made kissy face for a good minute...i would say it was a good month or so, i dont usually wear makeup only when i go on dates, cuz i had acne as a kid and wanted to hide the blemishes left..but yea so i go in to put on my makeup and i notice that my concealer is missin, im like naw i couldnt have misplaced it cuz i rarely if ever use it, and the last place i had it, it wasnt there..so i searched my room, NOTHIN..she wore makeup and concealer so im like if its not in my bathroom which is the only place i keep it, then she had to take it..but i didnt go poppin at the mouth and confront her, i jus left it at that

 

so i go to school the next day, and she went to put on some lipgloss, now she usually wear chapstick..but this time she was putting on lipgloss,and im thinkin oooh my lipgloss was missing too, so i was like where you get that from, and she goes, "oh i stole this from so and so".. im thinkin in my head you a damn lie cuz she dont even wear that type or brand of chapstick...plus it was the same flavor, and had tha same upturned sticker on it that was missin from my bathroom...

i figured if she could steal somthing as lil as 3dollar chapstick and 9dollar concealer, and then lie about it, that, that wasnt the friend for me, and now i know better than to let a person stay over, unless its a boy..and if he's stealin my chapstick and lipgloss then i have to question his sexuality :o

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laRubiaBonita
Originally posted by camcutie

I just don't understand people.

 

SOME people!

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laRubiaBonita

no..what i meant was..............Most people are NOt kleptomaniacs, and it is not something that is generallt expected to be understood, especially when there really is NO justification for the act of stealing...... i do not care if you are mentally unstable or not.

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whathappenedtome- thank you for your reply if your still there I would like to try and understand alittle more about this is there any sites you can direct me to ?

Or maybe just help me understand it better myself.

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laRubiaBonita
Originally posted by camcutie

whathappenedtome- thank you for your reply if your still there I would like to try and understand a little more about this is there any sites you can direct me to ?

Or maybe just help me understand it better myself.

 

it is the thrill of being sneaky and Not getting caught, the slyness and naiveness when you take from a store.....I mean come on, they are supposed to have great and even better loss prevention techniques.

 

when i comes down to people you know, care about, it is more just "practice". ...and also a way to "test: the boundaries of the relationship.....almost like a "test". If Camcutie [i[]Really[/i[ like me, she will/ will not make big deal out of the fact that i am taking things from her.

 

But, at the same time, the items are not "expensive' items...like jewelry. But little things that you may or may not say anything or may not even realize anything about.

 

there is no easy reason as to what your friend is aiming at. And Highly doubt this is the only mental health issue she is afflicted with.

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larubiabontia, thank you for your time.

 

anyone-----advise on how to handle the situation now I have avoided her calls all day she has to have a clue especially if she did take the stuff. Should I continue to avoid her calls and hope she gets the hint? or do I owe her an explaintion? we have been "friends" I don't even like to use that word now, for about 10 yrs on and off. For the last 8-10 months she has been like part of the family at my house.

 

That's why it's so obvious somethings wrong I would have called by now. Thats probably my fault to because I let her to close to my family and my life. maybe it was or is some sort for hidden jealousy, did I mention she has no job, she collects, her father supports her in her own house, she is single.

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