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I'm Jealous of My friend, am i being selfish


Username18

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I'm jealous of all the success my friend is getting. I know it sounds selfish but I can't help it. Basically, I have wanted to pursue a career in film since forever and all throughout my childhood she NEVER showed an interest. Even to his day, she doesn't watch films, she barely watches TV, never enjoys talking about films. And yet, she has applied to do the same film course as me for uni and has been given more offers than me.

 

I wish I could be happy for her but I honestly feel like she's living my dream. I feel like all my passion for film is utterly worthless because here she is, with work not even as good as mine, getting more offers and more opportunities than myself. I love film, I eat sleep and breathe films. She doesn't give a flying toss about films! Why is she better than me?

 

It's driving me around the bend! She was supposed to be studying health and social care then switched to media last minute because she didn't know what else to do! I feel so guilty about it but I just can't help it! And it's not just her consistent success as a 'filmmaker', it's everything. It's like life just gives her stuff for free. Everyone seems to prefer her to me I guess because she's an extrovert whereas I'm an introvert? Because I'm a geek and she's a party freak.

 

I don't even want to be like her, it's not that. I'm just jealous that she's doing better at something that I deserve more.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Welcome to adulting.

 

If she truly does not like it, this new thing probably will not last long for her. However, there will always be those "doing better" than you. And there will be those whom you are "doing better than."

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I bet this has more to do with her overall academic scores than anything, as well as her participation in activities. I think the thing to do would be to go talk to them in a positive manner and without mentioning her and find out what held you back. Last I heard, no school admissions is punishing geeks....

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healing light

Sounds frustrating. Very cliche, but it's best not to go down the rabbit hole of comparing yourself to others--you can't control other people and outcomes, that's a recipe for misery.

 

I know a girl similar to what you describe in terms of circumstances. Life just hands her everything--even as a kid she had fluke opportunities, one which led her to meet JK Rowling. She grew up as a single child and her parents doted on her endlessly. One time, she called the cops on them because they refused to buy her fast food. As an adult, the Dalai Lama strolled across her apartment complex and she got a selfie with him. I've never known anyone with her kind of luck.

 

Ironically, she is not remarkable with life skills. Very basic, superficial person who has happened to stumble into and take advantage of amazing opportunities. She's in a visible job now on TV and she uses her platform to complain about breaking her blush or spilling her coffee. No joke.

 

But you know what? She's never happy. With anything. So even though she has traveled the world and seems to have it all--has a nice boyfriend, plenty of money, etc.--I don't think she's truly able to enjoy it. She puts on one persona for the cameras, but behind closed doors she is very fussy. I suspect she hasn't had enough challenges to develop the depth and coping skills when things go wrong. And even though it's easy to be jealous of her circumstances, I wouldn't want to be her at the end of the day.

 

Now, I'm not saying your friend is anything like this girl, but you have to remember that what you see from the outside doesn't really reveal the full picture. You'll quickly learn that life can be really unfair, that many times people land jobs based off of connections and not necessarily talent, intelligence, or skill. You can't control these things and I would try not to tempt yourself ruminating on it, because at the end of the day that time is better spent trying to engage your energy in things that will make you happy. Figure out what deep-seated beliefs this situation is revealing for you and work on processing them so they don't hold you back in the future.

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hi user18,

 

unfortunately, nobody "deserves" anything in life just because they can do it, its all a matter of hard work, luck, meeting the right people, being flexible and someone that is reliable and good to be with, being talented, meeting a company or backer that will take you on etc.

 

there are billions of reasons why you friend may have had a break.but the fact is that she has and if she were my good friend i'd be happy for her totally and i would just keep battling on doing my projects because i love it.

 

actaully now you mention it one of my friends has made it and is doing very very well at somehting i also love, i am very happy for her and we are still great friends, we make each other laugh a lot and she is still someone i respect and her me, the only difference is that she is busy a lot more than she was, but we still make time to keep in touch and keep the connection when we cant be in each others company. but emotions like this depend on the people involved and how they are as people and if they are really have strong, secure and deep friendships.

 

i wouldnt wish my friend not to have the success she has now because she knows that if she lost it all tomorrow i would still be there as her friend supporting her and encouraging her as i did before she made it in what she loves to do. we are both simillar for somethings and that's what made us friends in the first place.

 

the chances are you dont know the whole story about how hard she works or the jobs she has to do that are not as easy or fun as they seem.

 

too many reality shows make people believe they deserve fame and fortune!!!!! someone's gotta clean the streets, grow the maize, stay at home for the kids study law etc.

 

see this as one of the real lessons in life and either not talk to your friend about this but still keep her friendship or just accept you are feeling jelouse and rather bitter and do something to keep what you enjoy doing going, or make yourself ill and very unpopular letting everyone know how you feel.

 

you may find out that something comes in teh future or that something more you happens. film making and those kind of creative things are very competitive and are also abotu other peoples tastes and ability to take on projects that can cost big bucks.

 

just keep doing what you do and as others have said, try not to compare yourself against her, if she is not that good it will only go so far anyway, but dont wish her bad luck or resentment; that's not the way to go adn it jsut makes you come over as pretty immature and selfish.

 

be the bigger person and jsut accept that it isnt your time in this area maybe yet or maybe at all (i dont know) but good luck and just keep making films if thats what you enjoy.

 

dont be fooled that success of the rich and famous happened overnight!!!!! most people had to sweat or give 20,000% and then some more to get where they are, not to mention the money spend outs for stuff.

 

if you are good enough they will soon find out about you. but as i say, its very competitive because it is seen as an art form and something that needs to fit what they are looking for.

 

not everyone gets their dream lives, that's how it goes for many people. what would happen if eveyone threw a strop everytime they didnt get what they wanted or felt that they deserved! it would probably be a very negative and possibly dangerous place to live as people would probably resort to all kinds of spiteful things or violent things to try to prove themselves more worthy than the next.

 

look how many wars or fights or thefts happen because people feel low esteem, spite, jelousy or anger over something they feel they have more right to than others.

 

anyway, im sure youre a decent enough person to deal with this situation. jsut be smart about this and if it make you feel any better, look up just how many times your favourite stars got rejected.

 

people who really make it most of the time dont quit out of envy or rage or whatever, they are driven to do beyond any question, its what they live for. maybe you need to question if your filmaking is because you LOVE making films or you are seduced a bit by the glamour that film making projects?

 

passion and stamina are partly what makes the differnce between those that achieve and do and are successful interpreting and talking about ideas is usually what makes the rest of us just dream and fantasize.

 

if you are truly passionate, just keep making your films. if you are successful in the future then you will have people interested in your earlier stuff too.

 

i hope that doesnt sound negative, i have tried to put the positve in with the reality of it in there as well too.

good luck and just keep going.

 

if you love what you do, you cant afford to keep looking back with envy like this, it wont get you anywhere or make you the sort of person that will last more than 2 seconds anyway.

 

see ya. and just love what you do, success doesnt mean people are going to love you and your work anyway, that isnt a given either.

 

keep it real rather than as reality tv thinking. and im sure what will be will happen for you in one field or another, but sincere wishes for this one.

 

im sure you are struggling, but you have to stop and think how would you feel if you were sucessful and people you thought should stand by you didnt they felt bitter and jelouse of you. wouldnt you want them to still be good freinds and happy for you.

 

you might get lucky too, so just take what you do and enjoy it and let her enjoy it too.

 

maxi:eek:

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So sorry for you, I understand your jealousy. I understand how difficult it is for you to be happy for her that she is contributing to the film industry in the manner that you had dreamed about.

Well, take a step back and really look at her work, without it being her work. What is it like? Why is it that way? What makes it good?

Consider all the talk you had with her, she must have soaked it up like a sponge and applied it.

Now, reach out to her and let her know what you think about her work. Consider asking her how she came to where she is.

Just maybe, you two could be a great team.

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