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Feeling insecure with my friend -- now shes mad at me?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 20th December 2017, 7:08 PM   #16
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No, you don't have to ask questions. And certainly not why she's hanging out with you. She hangs out with you because she likes you - there is no bigger answer to the question. When you have a friend, just be friends. Don't question or delve deeply into it all.

There's no sense in trying to figure out how you made her feel with your questions. Just accept that she doesn't like it and stop doing it. The reason why she doesn't like it are neither here nor there. Though to be fair, I'd get very tired of a friend asking this three times in two months as well. Reassuring friends that all is well gets very old, very quickly. It's like having an insecure lover.

And no, don't send that message. She doesn't like all that touchy feely stuff, so don't bother her with it further. I really meant it when I said to send a text just like you would on any other day when things are normal.

I would totally send her a normal text but idk what to say to be honest.
I was going to wait until she sent me something to know she's not mad anymore but yeah. Our conversations are usually spontaneous or full of pictures.
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Old 20th December 2017, 7:19 PM   #17
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Yeah and its like its not a CONSTANT thing I asked her. I maybe asked her this 2-3 times. I mean I've only known her for 2 months. Don't you have to ask questions anyways? Like I just asked her about why is she hanging out with me when I'm completely opposite and a goody two shoes? She let me know the kind of work she does and she allowed me to see her family.

Do you think aside from annoying her that I hurt her feelings when I asked her does she have a problem with me? She has told me she doesn't show feelings that much and she does "care" a little about me.
No, I never ask questions about why people choose to hang out with whom they hang out. There is literally no reason to know, and it would not change anything if I wanted to befriend that person. Chances are, they have no idea themselves anyway. I just let things take their course, and anything that I learn about people, I wait for the opportune time by taking advantage of the flow of the situation.

On the contrary, asking will just make people more uncomfortable because you are putting them into a difficult situation where they do not know how to answer, do not want to answer, or simply do not know the answer. For example, she probably does not know how to give you a proper answer when you ask if she has a problem with you, and because of that, she may give you a forced answer that may seem insincere or evasive.

You should not force these things. If things are going well, just enjoy the moment that you have.
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Old 20th December 2017, 7:29 PM   #18
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No, I never ask questions about why people choose to hang out with whom they hang out. There is literally no reason to know, and it would not change anything if I wanted to befriend that person. Chances are, they have no idea themselves anyway. I just let things take their course, and anything that I learn about people, I wait for the opportune time by taking advantage of the flow of the situation.

On the contrary, asking will just make people more uncomfortable because you are putting them into a difficult situation where they do not know how to answer, do not want to answer, or simply do not know the answer. For example, she probably does not know how to give you a proper answer when you ask if she has a problem with you, and because of that, she may give you a forced answer that may seem insincere or evasive.

You should not force these things. If things are going well, just enjoy the moment that you have.
Yeah. Well I mean other answers just said to be normal. But after that Iím not sure how to be normal anymore. Now thereís a crack in the friendship and idek if she still wants to be friends. I wouldnít know what to text her now. Or to give good news or anything.
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Old 20th December 2017, 7:48 PM   #19
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OK, if you've got nothing to say, say nothing. Many close friendships don't involve daily contact - heck, I speak to my best friend once a week or fortnight. Message her when you've got something worth reporting or an event to organise.
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Old 20th December 2017, 10:55 PM   #20
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Yeah. Well I mean other answers just said to be normal. But after that Iím not sure how to be normal anymore. Now thereís a crack in the friendship and idek if she still wants to be friends. I wouldnít know what to text her now. Or to give good news or anything.
Just respond to her last message. If her last response was yes, she has a problem with you always asking, just apologize for it and explain yourself a little, and go from there. Apologizing is a normal part of conversation for when you screwed up.
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Old 20th December 2017, 11:20 PM   #21
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Just respond to her last message. If her last response was yes, she has a problem with you always asking, just apologize for it and explain yourself a little, and go from there. Apologizing is a normal part of conversation for when you screwed up.
Alright. Iíll just combine you and basils response. Iíll apologize but keep it short.

Such as. Sorry ___. I wonít do it again. Then a regular conversation starter or something.
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Old 20th December 2017, 11:23 PM   #22
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Good luck. Remember, there is always a way for those willing to look.
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Old 20th December 2017, 11:28 PM   #23
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Just respond to her last message. If her last response was yes, she has a problem with you always asking, just apologize for it and explain yourself a little, and go from there. Apologizing is a normal part of conversation for when you screwed up.
Iím hoping she replies back if not then I guess she doesnít want to be friends anymore.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:00 AM   #24
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Good luck. Remember, there is always a way for those willing to look.
She just replied with an ok emoji?
I just sent sorry personal issues I wonít ask again.
Thatís all she sent.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:08 AM   #25
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She just replied with an ok emoji?
I just sent sorry personal issues I wonít ask again.
Thatís all she sent.
So it's OK. Don't overthink her brief responses.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:09 AM   #26
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Good luck. Remember, there is always a way for those willing to look.
I just replied normally with exciting news and tried to keep it normal.
But now shes not replying. Shes acting kurt.

Honestly its annoying. I'm trying here and im getting flack for it.
I didn't ignore her when shes telling me about her dirty secret in the work she does. Shes a web cam model and works with clients and is messing with a married man. She tells me all this stuff and I dont judge her. I try to change the subject when she brings it up because I dont want to talk about but shes my friend too. But why am I being shunned now. I think thats why im feeling insecure. I feel like shes using me in a sense for her own gain because she her self is empty on the inside.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:12 AM   #27
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So it's OK. Don't overthink her brief responses.
I just asked her what she's doing and she ignored it and sent another dry/short answer about something else.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:39 AM   #28
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So it's OK. Don't overthink her brief responses.
You know what maybe your first response was right. We just arenít compatible. Honestly this is draining for me. Iím being normal and texting like as normally do. But I can sense somethings wrong. I asked her how sheís doing and she dodged my question. At least when I was feeling down I told her Iíll be gone for a couple of days because my nerves are bad. Iíll talk to you later. But when I needed space she bombarded my phone with pictures. Her responses or should I say lack of is hurtful to me. Maybe sheís busy idk but I can feel something is wrong in my gut and that has never failed me. Iím just going to be honest and say I feel like something is going on and that itís draining me and thatís why I kept asking if she had a problem with me. We only text as a form of communication other than meeting. I just have a bad feeling.
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Old 21st December 2017, 2:47 AM   #29
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Thanks for the reply guys.
Iím going to walk away from this friendship.
It doesnít make me feel good and I tried to turn it around.
We are definitely incompatible and Iím not going to chase anyone anymore.
I have problems as well that may be contributing to this as well.
For that reason too Iíll be walking away.
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Old 21st December 2017, 3:14 AM   #30
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I think that walking away is a smart idea. A friendship should be enjoyable for both parties but it's just not working for you. The two of you don't gel.

And it's really weird that she's sharing all the unsavoury stuff in her life at only two months in.
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