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Friends with ex does seem possible

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 22nd December 2017, 1:12 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
It depends on the situation. If you were dumped and you didnít want it, chances are your friendship is a ploy to get back with them.

Also, it depends how much you loved the person and how badly you were hurt in the breakup.

People give that advice because the dumpee often is hurt more by a friendship and has a harder time moving on.

If youíre not in a place where the friendship will hinder your healing, I donít think anyone would have issues with a friendship.

Most people come here because they were devistated by a breakup. The worst advice to them is to seek friendship with their ex.

For me, I donít keep in contact with my exes as they are no longer part of my life. Someone said some good words to me many many years ago ďOnly look forward, never look backĒ.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, they have every right not to be. The ex that I'm friends with dumped me and we didn't talk for like 2 years and it was me that ended the friendship but it wasn't really because she dumped me, more just the way she did it. After 2 years when she apologized I had literally no problem being her friend. But I agree, if you were dumped and you didn't want it, you have every right to distance yourself to heal. Ideally I would want to still be cordial and even really good friends with my past lovers. There are a good handful of past lovers out there that are literally best friends and nothing more. I know a lot of people probably won't believe that to be a thing, but, it is.
Common sense isn't a gift. It's a curse. Because you have to learn to deal with anyone who doesn't have it.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 4:17 AM   #17
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A week is nothing in terms of time. Most breakups continue to evolve in form in the mind of at least one person. Don't be surprised if, in time, one of you changes your opinion about the true nature of the breakup, develops resentments or regrets. Conversely, one party may begin a relationship with someone who dislikes daily/weekly texts from the ex.

It will be hard to give all your attention to a new love when you still have an emotional bond with the ex, and who may become idealized in your mind once you hit your first rough patch with your eventual new love.

I tried being friendly with several exes, and even when it "worked" I had to be careful that it didn't cause problems with the upgrade. I would be suspicious of your ex's motives for wanting to text you daily, or even weekly. Sounds like at least one of you hasn't really broken up. There is a BIG difference between being friends with someone well after the breakup has processed and there has been the proverbial "space", and never giving each other that space. I think many people lie to themselves and just lay in the cut, waiting in a space of suspended secret hopefulness. Or, they don't draw respectful emotional boundaries and end up emotionally distracted, and their new relationship fails or flounders.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:24 PM   #18
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I've been friends with an ex I spent 3 years with. We've been friends for about a year and a half. As cool and chill as it seems, it isn't ideal for most of my friendships. We chat almost on about a 2/3 month basis, where most of the time is talking about dating issues, work, school, etc. Before, it was comforting knowing who exactly he was getting involved with, considering I still cared very deeply for him. But as time passed we have been just a regular hookup/booty call for each other to hook up with each other when neither of us is seeing anyone intimately. Neither of us has any problem with it, and are pretty set just being this type of friend.

Its cool and all, but don't think this "friendship" will last too long, considering both of us still date other people. I am sure there are different experiences, but this is just my personal experience.
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