LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

People keep asking to move in with me? Am I the one being selfish?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree6Likes
  • 3 Post By GorillaTheater
  • 2 Post By elaine567
  • 1 Post By central
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th December 2017, 4:55 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 86
People keep asking to move in with me? Am I the one being selfish?

Long story short: I currently rent a family member's second home. It sat vacant for years before I moved in, and was pretty messy. Things were breaking, and the house had been broken into from sitting empty for so long. From the outside, it's a three bedroom house. From the inside, 1 and a half of those are filled with items, and impassible.

I'm incredibly lucky, because the town I live in is notoriously expensive, AND salaries for jobs here are not adjusted for COL at all. There's no way I'd be able to rent a whole home here by myself otherwise. I'm very, very very lucky. My brother uses the garage for his car, and I have a yard for my dog. I'm very lucky. Even when I miss having an SO sometimes, I've never been lonely from living alone (I grew up in a huge family and having peace and quiet finally are really nice).

I'm 26, work full time and have for years, and coming home and locking my door after a long day at work is incredibly nice.

However, every time someone hears I live alone, they ask if I need a roommate. Or worse, they suggest themselves to move in. I had a (not close) friend ask to move in with me. I said no. Today, I had a guy I use to DATE, who I ended things with because he did not treat me well, but we're on okay terms now, ASK TO MOVE IN WITH ME, and keep his motorcycle in my garage. And one of my close friends, has told me that whenever she mentions to people I live alone, they assume or ask if she's moving in with me next year. That was the final straw.

I like living alone, and the only people at this point I'd WANT to live with are an SO, or a sibling or really close friend. Living by myself is great--I can crash pans together at 3 am, decorate/not decorate for Christmas, do dishes when i want, and not worry someone else will leave a stove burner on, leave the gate open and let the dog get out, or eat my food out of the fridge. I am the only one who breaks things here. And I can have a boyfriend or someone over, and not have to worry about other people. And I never wake up to strangers from a bar coming out of a roommates room at 7 am.

I feel like I'm suppose to feel guilty I live alone? Am I being the selfish one here, or are people severely overstepping their bounds by asking to move in (granted none of these were emergency situations--if a friend had an emergency they'd be on my sofa, no questions asked)?
Cam1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th December 2017, 5:01 PM   #2
Established Member
 
GorillaTheater's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,540
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cam1 View Post
Am I being the selfish one here, or are people severely overstepping their bounds by asking to move in

The latter. It's perfectly okay for you to prefer living by yourself, and these folks asking if they can move in are way overstepping.


A larger question may be why you're questioning yourself on this point, why you're feeling guilty about it.
GorillaTheater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th December 2017, 5:12 PM   #3
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 14,175
Quote:
Originally Posted by GorillaTheater View Post
A larger question may be why you're questioning yourself on this point, why you're feeling guilty about it.
I guess because it keeps happening.

OP, stick to your guns. The last ting you need is hangers on taking advantage, because taking advantage is what they would do, if you gave them any encouragement.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th December 2017, 5:21 PM   #4
Established Member
 
central's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NW Florida
Posts: 3,016
I think you're being completely reasonable. These people are simply trying to take advantage of your good fortune, but you owe them nothing.


We wouldn't let anyone move in with us - and typically would not have even when we were single - unless we had the need due to financial or other reasons. You do not want or need a housemate.


We wouldn't even let our adult kids move in with us if they needed a place. They have the other parent, or friends. It would be far too disruptive to our peace and privacy. Because they're family, we might help them find or afford a place in dire circumstances - but not with us.
basil67 likes this.
central is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th December 2017, 5:52 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 526
I live by myself (with my puppies). Id rather stick my eye with a fork than get a roommate. I pay all my bills, Ive earned the right to have peaceful enjoyment.

And you have too. Enjoy it.
Whodatdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 5:40 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: California
Posts: 312
No, no, no. You're fine. These people sound like moochers. Be careful if you ever do let them come in because they could garner squatter's rights depending on where you're from. I've had some of the craziest roommates and there's no way I would want to subject myself to that again if I could avoid it.
healing light is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 6:18 AM   #7
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 14,241
Journal Entries: 2
certain types of people find it hard to say no in many situations......are you one of them? i am and i often have people move in on me....normally they are homeless people and i cant say no...my ex used too.....say no.....even if i had said ok......he would say no....override me.....because my boundaries are soft.....very forgiving and i try to help others.....

saying no sucks..but you need to .....you shouldnt feel guilty when you do and it is people knowing that you are a soft touch is why they feel they can ask you and impose.....and they will continue to ask you.......


no gets easier the more you say it.....less guilt feelings behind it and louder...if you add two positives...ok.....you shouldnt have to add two positive affirmations...say no and feel at peace with the no...its your house your life...your right to that no.......best wishes.....lets practice.....NOOOOOOOOOO....HAH....:0) easy peasy....deb
__________________
in the ache of night,luminous prayers take fragile flight,
somewhere between battalions of warring sins,
there exists hope and love for peace begins...deb
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 2:41 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
I guess because it keeps happening.

OP, stick to your guns. The last ting you need is hangers on taking advantage, because taking advantage is what they would do, if you gave them any encouragement.

Thank you. And exactly this. The first time someone said something, my response internally was, "WOW! Out of bounds!" But the fact an EX would even ask something like that was so out of left field I'm left wondering if I'm the weird one here.

I have to add this ex is not homeless--he lives with his parents, who would never kick him out, and have a garage for that motorcycle. He's a grown man who's OLDER than I am. His adult sisters also live within a few miles, if he were really in a pinch, and he was raised in this town, so he should have actual friends to ask. The fact you would even ask that of your ex is beyond me.
Cam1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Bad Timing, or Selfish Move? Friendly-chap Breaks and Breaking Up 5 28th July 2015 8:04 AM
Selfish people? Leegh Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 2 6th December 2014 5:44 PM
Why are people having affairs so selfish? why45 Infidelity 16 9th January 2011 5:46 PM
She wants to move-I don't, am I selfish? stevev28 Getting Married 10 25th May 2005 11:55 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:34 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.