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How to tell a friend I lied to her?


beyondcrushed

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beyondcrushed

My colleague and good friend for several years both applied for a job internally in our office. We competed against 4 other colleagues. Our friendship did not change through the competition. A month after interviews, the manager of the new job met with me and told me I won the job competition. She told me not to tell anyone until she tells all the competitors that they did not win. My friend heard through the office grape vine that I met with this manager. My friend put me on the spot and asked me right after this meeting if I got the job. I had to lie and tell her, "I don't know." This was a few days ago. Today, she tells me the manager told her she lost. I maintained that I didn't know about me yet. Then I run into her again at lunch and she brings it up again. Again, I had to maintain the lie. Then, another colleague heard through the grapevine that I may have got the job. I had to lie to this other colleague and say I didn't know yet.

 

When the manager tells all the losers, I plan to come clean with my friend.

 

My concern: I lied to her and she won't forgive me.

 

How should I tell her I lied?

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Scarlett.O'hara

Your manager asked you not to tell anyone that you had the job until they had informed those who were unsuccessful. If you had ignored that request, word would have spread, and it would have got back to your manager that you are indiscreet and untrustworthy.

 

Lying to a friend isn't an ideal situation, but this is a matter of your career and your professional reputation was at stake.

 

When it comes out, you can explain that you were told by management to keep it to yourself, and that her constant questioning you about it made you uncomfortable and backed into a corner where you felt forced to lie.

 

Show her some kindness and respect, but keep it short and don't get dragged into a long conversation about it. If she can't accept that then you should just avoid being so close with your work colleagues, because this could happen again.

 

It sounds like there is a lot of gossiping going on in your workplace right now. Try to rise above it and don't get caught up in any of the drama or pettiness.

 

Congratulations on the job!

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CautiouslyOptimistic

You were between a rock and a hard place and did the best you could. Hopefully your friend will understand!

 

Congrats on the promotion/new position :).

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I think you may have some problems with your friend actually going forward.

 

1. You got the job, she won't be happy about that

2. She put you unfairly on the spot a few times and put you in an impossible position. She will not be happy that you lied to her.

 

Step back, I would not rely on her to have your back, she may not.

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beyondcrushed

Thank you both for your kind wishes:) I am glad the consensus so far is that I am put in a hard spot and my friend should understand. I have several friendships through work and am thinking I may have to keep it more business to avoid these situations. Shame. There is a lot of gossips at my work. Unbelievable.

 

Well my friend has been bugging me tonight after work to come clean -- texting and calling. I texted back saying I don't know yet. I hadn't answered her call:( This sucks.

 

Thanks for your help.

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beyondcrushed
I think you may have some problems with your friend actually going forward.

 

1. You got the job, she won't be happy about that

2. She put you unfairly on the spot a few times and put you in an impossible position. She will not be happy that you lied to her.

 

Step back, I would not rely on her to have your back, she may not.

 

 

Yes, I know. I have a feeling this will be bumpy for awhile. Thanks.

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