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Should I be concerned on this interaction with someone or am I overthinking?


NightRogue

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So yesterday, I went to the movies with someone. I am of African descent(from Niger) and this person is from China. I told them about where I was from and later when they we were in the theatre(we are in Canada), they said, "I bet Niger doesn't have theatres as nice as this or something", which struck me as odd as why they would say that and after, they asked me, " is your country danger", which I find is an odd thing to ask someone randomly about their country. I don't want to overthink anything but should I be concerned on this interaction as how should I interpret those comments?

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That person is not worth your time. Such a turn off !!! No offense to Americans but they are pretty bad when it comes to awareness of the rest of the world as well.

 

You should cut this person off to be honest.

 

If someone ever says something like to you again, say something like this:

 

" Oh actually, we don't have electricity, housing, telecommunications or even a water supply". If the person has half a brain, they will realise how foolish they must look.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
That person is not worth your time. Such a turn off !!! No offense to Americans but they are pretty bad when it comes to awareness of the rest of the world as well.

 

You should cut this person off to be honest.

 

If someone ever says something like to you again, say something like this:

 

" Oh actually, we don't have electricity, housing, telecommunications or even a water supply". If the person has half a brain, they will realise how foolish they must look.

 

OR you could use it as an opportunity to courteously and kindly dispel myths.

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I would interpret her comments as her wanting to know more about your homeland.

 

"I bet Niger doesn't have theatres as nice as this" doesn't sound like a question to me.

 

Sounds like the assumption has already been made.

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So yesterday, I went to the movies with someone. I am of African descent(from Niger) and this person is from China. I told them about where I was from and later when they we were in the theatre(we are in Canada), they said, "I bet Niger doesn't have theatres as nice as this or something", which struck me as odd as why they would say that and after, they asked me, " is your country danger", which I find is an odd thing to ask someone randomly about their country. I don't want to overthink anything but should I be concerned on this interaction as how should I interpret those comments?

 

sounds like you are over analyzing things. you can put together an entire picture of someone based of a few things they say. there could be a language barrier, a cultural barrier, they are just nervouse and dont know what else to say.. or a slew of other things. just talk to them and get to know them. give them a chance. then you can decide if they are mean spirited, racist, or something else.

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"I bet Niger doesn't have theatres as nice as this" doesn't sound like a question to me.

 

Sounds like the assumption has already been made.

 

No, it does not sound like a question. However, if I had a dollar for every sentence I've uttered which came out wrong, I'd be a rich woman. Perhaps she said it wrong.

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No, it does not sound like a question. However, if I had a dollar for every sentence I've uttered which came out wrong, I'd be a rich woman. Perhaps she said it wrong.

 

True but the onus would be on you to state the fact later that it came out the wrong way.

 

If that stuff goes unchecked for a while, it becomes a turn off.

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sounds like you are over analyzing things. you can put together an entire picture of someone based of a few things they say. there could be a language barrier, a cultural barrier, they are just nervouse and dont know what else to say.. or a slew of other things. just talk to them and get to know them. give them a chance. then you can decide if they are mean spirited, racist, or something else.

 

always trust your gut..... it never lies !!!!

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There's a lot both ignorance and racism around. This person sounds a bit of both. Put them straight. Tell them, no, the theatre in my home town was bigger/nicer/had more screens.

 

Challenge their racism.

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I'm not sure if you mean with 'from China' that they were born and raised in China or that they are from Chinese ancestry. If it's the former, maybe I can help.

 

I'm currently living in China and since I'm speaking the language, I can interact even with the locals who can't speak English.

 

People in China tend to have stereotypes and to have no sensitivity at the same time. While a Westerner might think, that Niger has no nice cinemas at least s/he wouldn't say it out loud (even if that makes it only a little better).

On a positive note, even though they have stereotypes, they are actually not mean spirited, they just don't know better.

(And yes, I know the upper statement is a generalisation itself. I'm just conveying what I experienced so far. Of course there are Chinese racists, and there are also Chinese with tact.)

 

Why went those people to the cinemas with you? Would voluntarily you spent time with someone you don't want to be with? So yes, those people probably had stereotypes and yes, their words come across as racist, but no it wasn't probably meant as such

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It is true. China is one of those inward-looking countries. America is a bit guilty of that as well but that is another topic altogether :)

 

I've experienced people like this and it is not that easy to just set them straight. Their character has been formed after years of growing up in their environment.

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That person is not worth your time. Such a turn off !!! No offense to Americans but they are pretty bad when it comes to awareness of the rest of the world as well.

 

Wait, what? The person is from CHINA and this took place in CANADA. Are you sure it's not you who is bad when it comes to awareness of the world? :p

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I'm currently living in China and since I'm speaking the language, I can interact even with the locals who can't speak English. People in China tend to have stereotypes and to have no sensitivity at the same time. While a Westerner might think, that Niger has no nice cinemas at least s/he wouldn't say it out loud (even if that makes it only a little better).

On a positive note, even though they have stereotypes, they are actually not mean spirited, they just don't know better.

(And yes, I know the upper statement is a generalisation itself. I'm just conveying what I experienced so far. Of course there are Chinese racists, and there are also Chinese with tact.)

 

I would just like to add to this, as someone who has been studying Mandarin for a year and a half and been to China twice, that Westerners can often perceive Chinese people as being rude when in fact it is just a matter of cultural differences. The Chinese have a very direct and blunt way of expressing themselves, but they see it differently from us. To them, being direct is seen as friendly, because it emulates the informality you would use with a close friend or family member. Whereas the kind of etiquette and politeness that English speakers use (e.g. lots of pleases and thank yous) can actually come across as a little rude to a Chinese speaker, because it's seen as adding a layer of stiffness and formality to the situation.

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I wouldn't take offense at that unless the country of Niger is flowing with money and his comment was ignorant at best.

 

Was he wrong?

 

Relax. Life is so much more than an ignorant comment here or there. You might not be able to educate everyone on financial power of Niger but you sure can teach one if it's important enough to you.

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I wouldn't take offense at that unless the country of Niger is flowing with money and his comment was ignorant at best.

 

Was he wrong?

 

Relax. Life is so much more than an ignorant comment here or there. You might not be able to educate everyone on financial power of Niger but you sure can teach one if it's important enough to you.

 

Sure the OP can relax. But by the same token, doesn't need to become pals with someone that is ignorant.

 

So your saying its fine what the Chinese person said if it was true... Hmmmmm

 

That would be like us to the movies and me informing you that you had a big zit on your face. But hey, your would be fine with that ....since by your argument... it's the truth. And I could then insult you whenever I choose, because your above it and you will just turn the other cheek.

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Sure the OP can relax. But by the same token, doesn't need to become pals with someone that is ignorant.

 

So your saying its fine what the Chinese person said if it was true... Hmmmmm

 

That would be like us to the movies and me informing you that you had a big zit on your face. But hey, your would be fine with that ....since by your argument... it's the truth. And I could then insult you whenever I choose, because your above it and you will just turn the other cheek.

 

Here in the States people tend to be perpetually offended. You can't have an opinion anymore without some group trying to boycott your product or another group trying to silence you.

 

I don't refuse to hang around people who have a different outlook on life. I refuse to hang around people who I have to walk on egg shells around.

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I don't refuse to hang around people who have a different outlook on life. I refuse to hang around people who I have to walk on egg shells around.

 

Being strong-minded or stoic in the midst of other people's opinions can be an attractive quality but at the end of the day, your still allowing the disrespect to happen.

 

It's one thing doing that if you see someone once in a blue moon. But, if that stuff goes unchecked forever, your just creating a little monster that will say whatever they want to you because you set no boundaries for yourself.

 

The OP hardly knows this person and she's already having a dig at her country. Imagine how much worse it could get over time. And in time, you would definitely be walking on egg shells around her because she will jump at every chance to disrespect you.

Edited by marky00
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LivingWaterPlease

 

The OP hardly knows this person and she's already having a dig at her country. Imagine how much worse it could get over time. And in time, you would definitely be walking on egg shells around her because she will jump at every chance to disrespect you.

 

To me, this was not a dig at the OP. It sounds as if her friend is someone from a different culture, which has been explained. Even if this person were not from a different culture as I am and said this about my home country I'd probably just explain what my country is like. I don't understand why you would be offended because someone doesn't automatically know what a distant country is like?

 

If someone asked me if the USA (where I'm from) was dangerous I'd have to say, "It seems to be getting that way more and more but used to seem a lot safer," and open a discussion about our country and culture vs. where they are from and what is familiar to them.

 

That is the way people learn about each other and form bonds of friendship rather than hostility by becoming offended.

 

Discussion and acceptance of our differences is an opportunity to be a part of those who are trying to build bridges and understanding with each other to promote a safer and more inclusive society. Becoming offended (especially when, as in this instance, it seems a person is trying to begin a conversation, however awkward their attempt may seem to you) just contributes to division.

Edited by LivingWaterPlease
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OP posted here for a reason. Always listen to your gut. If somethings feels off, it is.

 

I don't think she was offended by the comment. She just felt it was a bit odd.

 

I also find it a bit odd. A Chinese national living in Canada should be empathetic to the idea of a person from a developing country residing in a developed country.

 

Maybe the OP should have also done a cross-comparison between China and Canada. Then they could have compared notes :) Would be interesting to see how things go when the shoe is on the other foot :)

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I don't want to overthink anything but should I be concerned on this interaction as how should I interpret those comments?

 

For now, just chalk it up to simple, non-malicious ignorance.

 

I'm originally from a fairly large city in Texas, USA and I've had people outside of Texas ask me if I own a horse back home, or they've assumed that I live on a ranch. I've also had people accuse me of not actually being from Texas since I don't speak with a stereotypical Texan accent. None of these things are offensive to me. These people weren't trying to be rude or to belittle me or the place I'm from. They're just misinformed and basing their knowledge off of stereotypes they've seen in movies or whatever. And as a matter of fact, they were honestly just trying to have a conversation and learn more about me.

 

If he makes another comment like that, take the opportunity to tell him about your background and experiences. If he continually makes statements like that, though, it's probably best to not be friends with him.

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Wait, what? The person is from CHINA and this took place in CANADA. Are you sure it's not you who is bad when it comes to awareness of the world? :p

 

"That person is not worth your time. Such a turn off !!! No offense to Americans but they are pretty bad when it comes to awareness of the rest of the world as well."

 

See the part in bold. It means, in addition to the case at hand.

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