LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

Am I lacking??


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree6Likes
  • 1 Post By 1966Seahorse
  • 1 Post By iVisa
  • 1 Post By ToGoFruit
  • 1 Post By preraph
  • 1 Post By cocoa342
  • 1 Post By 1966Seahorse
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 26th October 2017, 10:15 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 72
Am I lacking??

I am female and have a female friend who I am considering breaking off the friendship with. We have been friends for almost 5 years. We had a short break (almost a year) from each other and we are back in contact but it seems nothing much has changed with her.

She is looking for a life partner and spends most of her days complaining to me about the men she meets and it's starting to irritate me the things she complains about and it has gotten me thinking recently is there something wrong with me or her.

I am newly single but when looking for a life partner the persons job title, income, whether they rent or own their own home, education is of no importance to me. I earn good income and am prepared to step in and take care of my partner if need be. I tend to look for people that are honest, kind, caring. I am more concerned with the way they treat me and others rather than what they're earning or what their job title is.

My friend is so concerned with the persons job title, earning a 6 figure plus income a year and owning their own home etc.
Not to mention the demands she places on them physically.
Recently she met a man online and has been talking to him a fair bit and met with him on the weekend. After the date she called me and was crying on the phone. I asked what was wrong and she said "I can't believe this is happening to me" and i said "what's wrong? what happened?" she said he was everything she has ever dreamed of...he has the education, job title, home ownership - everything BUT there was one issue....he was wearing braces on his teeth.
I asked what the big deal was and she was crying so hard that he had deceived her as the photos he had shown her were without braces and she said there was no way she could allow him to meet her family and friends with braces on and there was no way she could kiss him.
I told her to calm down and that braces are removable and to ask him how much longer he had to go with them on.
She went mad as he still has a year to go she is thinking of calling him and asking him to have the removed or replaced with clear braces in order for her to consider going out with him.
I am so fed up with her as i thought this was so immature.

But this really got me thinking that there is something wrong with me. For me braces would not be an issue at all. I'd do all i can to comfort my partner and make them feel they made the right decision to have braces.
Things like this don't put me off. My ex had social anxiety and depression and I was always loving and supportive. When I find someone going through issues I like to be there for them and care for them and nurture.
Is there something not right with me?
cocoa342 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 10:51 AM   #2
Established Member
 
1966Seahorse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: In a Land of Rainbows & Unicorns
Posts: 117
Hi cocoa342,

In answer to your "am I lacking" title .... no you definitely aren't .... you sound a lovely, level headed, caring person!

You say:-

"... it has gotten me thinking recently is there something wrong with me or her ..."

Nooooooo - there is NOTHING wrong with you - it is HER!!

"... but when looking for a life partner the persons job title, income, whether they rent or own their own home, education is of no importance to me..."

I am TOTALLY with you on this

"... I tend to look for people that are honest, kind, caring. I am more concerned with the way they treat me and others rather than what they're earning or what their job title is..."

I couldn't agree more!

"... My friend is so concerned with the persons job title, earning a 6 figure plus income a year and owning their own home etc. Not to mention the demands she places on them physically..."

Hmmm .... not my priorities at all

"... After the date she called me and was crying on the phone. I asked what was wrong and she said "I can't believe this is happening to me" and i said "what's wrong? what happened?" she said he was everything she has ever dreamed of...he has the education, job title, home ownership - everything BUT there was one issue....he was wearing braces on his teeth.
I asked what the big deal was and she was crying so hard that he had deceived her as the photos he had shown her were without braces and she said there was no way she could allow him to meet her family and friends with braces on and there was no way she could kiss him..."

Wow ... just ... wow. Drama queen or what! Poor guy!

"... She went mad as he still has a year to go she is thinking of calling him and asking him to have the removed or replaced with clear braces in order for her to consider going out with him..."

Well my answer to that would be "F**k off"

"... I am so fed up with her as i thought this was so immature..."

Very immature, yes!

"... But this really got me thinking that there is something wrong with me..."

No - there is nothing wrong with you!

"... For me braces would not be an issue at all. I'd do all i can to comfort my partner and make them feel they made the right decision to have braces.
Things like this don't put me off. My ex had social anxiety and depression and I was always loving and supportive. When I find someone going through issues I like to be there for them and care for them and nurture.
Is there something not right with me?"

No - there is EVERYTHING right with you! You are a kind, caring, understanding person - your friend is most definitely not. She sounds very absorbed in herself, uncaring and seems to be one of those "me me me" people - yuk!

If only more people thought like you.

All the best
cocoa342 likes this.
1966Seahorse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 4:15 PM   #3
Member
 
iVisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 37
Don't blame yourself of being laking. You're right she is very immature. It isn't surpise for me you're fed up with it. She is very weird person. In terms of me I look for people that are honest, kind, caring and whether they are ambitous and have a good education, because I want to talk about it with my partner, but braces?? Really? He remove it in the future and he will have beaufitul smile!

If I were you I would cut down contact with this girl. This must be very tiring hear this news every week.
cocoa342 likes this.
__________________
If I made any grammatical errors, please let me know.


iVisa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 7:51 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoa342 View Post
I am female and have a female friend who I am considering breaking off the friendship with. We have been friends for almost 5 years. We had a short break (almost a year) from each other and we are back in contact but it seems nothing much has changed with her.

She is looking for a life partner and spends most of her days complaining to me about the men she meets and it's starting to irritate me the things she complains about and it has gotten me thinking recently is there something wrong with me or her.

I am newly single but when looking for a life partner the persons job title, income, whether they rent or own their own home, education is of no importance to me. I earn good income and am prepared to step in and take care of my partner if need be. I tend to look for people that are honest, kind, caring. I am more concerned with the way they treat me and others rather than what they're earning or what their job title is.

My friend is so concerned with the persons job title, earning a 6 figure plus income a year and owning their own home etc.
Not to mention the demands she places on them physically.
Recently she met a man online and has been talking to him a fair bit and met with him on the weekend. After the date she called me and was crying on the phone. I asked what was wrong and she said "I can't believe this is happening to me" and i said "what's wrong? what happened?" she said he was everything she has ever dreamed of...he has the education, job title, home ownership - everything BUT there was one issue....he was wearing braces on his teeth.
I asked what the big deal was and she was crying so hard that he had deceived her as the photos he had shown her were without braces and she said there was no way she could allow him to meet her family and friends with braces on and there was no way she could kiss him.
I told her to calm down and that braces are removable and to ask him how much longer he had to go with them on.
She went mad as he still has a year to go she is thinking of calling him and asking him to have the removed or replaced with clear braces in order for her to consider going out with him.
I am so fed up with her as i thought this was so immature.

But this really got me thinking that there is something wrong with me. For me braces would not be an issue at all. I'd do all i can to comfort my partner and make them feel they made the right decision to have braces.
Things like this don't put me off. My ex had social anxiety and depression and I was always loving and supportive. When I find someone going through issues I like to be there for them and care for them and nurture.
Is there something not right with me?
The short answer is "No, there is nothing wrong with you." ...However, being overly-saturated in your friends thoughts, opinions and feelings are no doubt weighing on you (and perhaps, messing with your perspective). But, I'll say it again: there is nothing wrong with your view of long term relationships. It sounds like your friend is a "check the box" type of person, which, in some situations, has it's benefits. Yet, that can also cause her to be blind to other strengths in a potential partner. I don't think this is an attribute you can necessarily change in her, especially if you've already voiced your conflicting perspective. She needs someone to be a sounding board and an ear to always be available...The thing is, you are not required to be this person for her. It sounds like you two took a break previously, but not much change had resulted in that space apart. I would encourage you to revisit what is the healthiest move to make for your own well-being. Creating space can also be done in a loving way, there's no need to part on sour terms, but spend some time evaluating what is best for you. Who knows, a little distance could also be beneficial for her as well. Friendships are super tough sometimes, but true bonds should be a beautiful balance of give and take; both parties should be pushing one another in love to better themselves. Good luck!
cocoa342 likes this.
ToGoFruit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 11:51 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,496
I think you're missing the bigger issue over the braces: He LIED to her showing her an old photo, to begin with. Braces aside and her being unable to deal with that, he lied to her. He's misrepresenting himself intentionally. That's an ethics issue.

Honestly, she sounds too picky, mainly about the income, but you sound like you need to require a bit more in the way of standards. How is having kids with a socially anxious man with depression going to benefit your children, assuming you ever plan on having any? If not and you enjoy taking up the slack for someone, have fun. But if you have no standards, you'll eventually attract someone really bad because you don't filter them out because you're that tolerant that you think you can just pick up the slack or fix them. Just saying that you two are on opposite ends of this equation and could both benefit by being in the middle and having reasonable standards, where both people carry their own weight.
cocoa342 likes this.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th October 2017, 8:17 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 72
Thanks everyone for your kind words and comments. Much appreciated. I have decided to cut the friendship off with her and wish her all the best for her future.
central likes this.
cocoa342 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th October 2017, 8:21 AM   #7
Established Member
 
1966Seahorse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: In a Land of Rainbows & Unicorns
Posts: 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoa342 View Post
Thanks everyone for your kind words and comments. Much appreciated. I have decided to cut the friendship off with her and wish her all the best for her future.
Good for you!!
cocoa342 likes this.
1966Seahorse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th October 2017, 5:43 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,496
If it's not fun anymore, don't do it.
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st October 2017, 2:11 AM   #9
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 14,005
Journal Entries: 2
you are not wrong at all ...you follow your heart and be who you are...your friend...dont know if she is wrong either in regards to who she chooses...she has certain standards she adheres too.....and if those standards arent met she wont be happy....

what i will say is that the standards she has adhered too...dont point to a happy loving giving generous hearted relationship...full of compassion and understanding....she has rigid thoughts...not open to compromise....and bruce lee says be like water....lol..ahem..smart man..you are water....you flow.....in your relationships...the best type of way to be....she may meet many men who fulfill her ideal......but then...does she fill theirs....

love is a mirror...you can only see what your reflection allows you to see....how you are is what you will see....i believe that....you give love...you get love....even if its reflected

you will fill a mans heart to overflowing...and thats the best type of love to have

the most sought after love is one that gives.......its called charity.....stay clear on that...you are good peeps.

your friend isnt wrong or bad...misguided.....uninformed....yes..feel compassion for her...and stay strong to your own beliefs because your own standards...are beautiful...the world needs more of you..so you keep planting seeds...and i hope they flourish...deb
__________________
in the ache of night,luminous prayers take fragile flight,
somewhere between battalions of warring sins,
there exists hope and love for peace begins...deb

Last edited by todreaminblue; 31st October 2017 at 2:19 AM..
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
lacking passion in everything smuggy4 Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 2 29th August 2014 3:58 PM
When you are lacking something when dating don't you have to look for WP4046 General Relationship Discussion 38 2nd February 2014 11:35 AM
Communication is lacking in my LDR musgrrl Long-Distance Relationships 11 18th June 2009 8:14 AM
a guy lacking confidence InsecureKid Dating 1 8th January 2008 10:07 AM
Something Lacking sculler Dating 2 27th May 2003 12:41 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:06 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.