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People aren't happy for you


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 24th October 2017, 2:41 PM   #1
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People aren't happy for you

So, I am learning that when good things happen to you, people don't want to hear about it. They don't want to feel bad that good things aren't happening to them. Anyone else experience this? Please share stories.
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Old 24th October 2017, 3:10 PM   #2
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I learned it decades ago so I've largely kept my successes, and challenges, to myself. When I'm terminal I'll make the appropriate notifications to implement decisions. Else, just enjoy life and take people as they come without expectations, even loved ones. However, when I do run across a rare exception I do validate that and respect it.

I think I learned the best lessons about this from being married. Life is about lessons.
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Old 24th October 2017, 3:13 PM   #3
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I have not experienced this in my life. I've had some crappy things happen to me, so I think my loved ones are genuinely happy when/if something good does! But even before that, no, I have not experienced this. I am blessed to have mature and supportive friends and family members I guess.
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Old 24th October 2017, 3:25 PM   #4
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If they are your friends, they aren't real friends. But sometimes people aren't happy with their own life so they can't be happy for you. One of the reasons a friend I had ended, she was jealous and flaky.

But people who do care for you want the best for you. I share my successes but I don't brag, but when it comes to challenges, I mainly keep them to myself.
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Old 24th October 2017, 3:35 PM   #5
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It depends on how much your good thing is something they covert. I recently told a friend about something good that had happened to me, and she got visibly upset. I know it is because it is something she really wanted and has not been able to achieve. I didn't think about this when I told her, and I regretted it afterwards. Honestly, I felt bad, I think I was insensitive in a way. Mostly we are all just doing our best in a hard world, and no one is perfect.
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Old 24th October 2017, 3:52 PM   #6
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I guess you just have to take each individual thing into consideration and decide how best to handle it. I've always been self-celebratory. I certainly don't expect anyone to care as much as I do but I don't care how they react as long as it isn't hostile, and it's not been. I'm so happy and supportive of my friends' achievements. I don't know why everyone can't be that way. I tell them how proud I am of them for getting the degree or the job. Of course the flip side of that is I'll usually also tell them if I have concerns on their relationship or whatever. Some people can handle the "all in" friendship more than others.
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Old 24th October 2017, 4:49 PM   #7
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Misery loves company, right?

I have been in friendships like this before. They like it when you're just as miserable and sad as they are, and when something good happens to you, it suddenly seems like a personal insult to them.

But then I learned that's what you would call a toxic friendship, and I cut those people out.
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Old 24th October 2017, 5:02 PM   #8
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I've just lost 20 lbs and am looking good. no one seems to care or acknowledge it
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Old 24th October 2017, 5:02 PM   #9
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I think it just depends on the person. A lot of people in this world are unhappy, so you might get that experience a lot more often than not. But when someone I care about has something good happen to them, I am genuinely happy for them. But if they tell me something like that after I've had a really bad day, it might seem harder to express it
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:45 PM   #10
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I've had this happen to me so many times that it's clearly one of life's truths.

I've posted about a group of friends who suddenly started to dislike me more once I've met my current husband. I was a bit more likable before. Eventually they excluded me from the group, but not before trying to knock me down a peg. Maybe a coincidence.

I used to have a friend in college back in my home country. She was often visiting me at my home back then. We both went on to get Ph.Ds in the US. We would keep in touch by phone . We both wanted professor jobs. The day I called her to share the news that I was offered a faculty position at a top university, she said "can I call you back in 5 minutes?". I said of course. That was in 2004. Still waiting for her to call me back. I called, I emailed, multiple times . She never replied and I've never heard from her again.
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Last edited by BluEyeL; 24th October 2017 at 8:47 PM..
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:50 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheWoman View Post
It depends on how much your good thing is something they covert. I recently told a friend about something good that had happened to me, and she got visibly upset. I know it is because it is something she really wanted and has not been able to achieve. I didn't think about this when I told her, and I regretted it afterwards. Honestly, I felt bad, I think I was insensitive in a way. Mostly we are all just doing our best in a hard world, and no one is perfect.
Well, I do think this is true. When I was experiencing infertility, I got very, very upset when I heard about another one of my friends getting pregnant. My sister, when she was single and everyone was getting married, had a very hard time with all of the engagements.

I think maturity has a lot to do with this. I'm now a mother, married for a long time, divorced, been through failed post-divorce relationships (including a disastrous attempted reconciliation with my ex-H), yet I LOVE to hear about successful relationships, when some people in my shoes might not because they are too caught up in their own unhappiness (like I was when I was infertile). I'm very happy with my life though, so I can be happy for other people.

I guess to sum up, this has WAY more to do with the other person than it does with you and compassion goes a long, long way in this world.
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Old 24th October 2017, 10:38 PM   #12
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At this point, I'm just trying to be understanding. I was taken off guard at first.
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Old 25th October 2017, 12:20 AM   #13
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Some people are like that. They're are usually unhappy people. It can be someone close to you, someone you grew up with. A friend of mine brought it to my attention once. Described a situation and compared it crab behavior. He said if one crab tries to escape the bucket, the other grab and pull him back. Crab mentally is what it's called. Tayla wrote about it a while back, but I didn't make the connection at the time. Ironical that friend who told me was the worst case himself.
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Old 25th October 2017, 12:36 AM   #14
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I've had a BIG job opportunity, and told a friend/colleague about it. He then went to talk to my future boss and screwed me.

F*cking twat.
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Old 25th October 2017, 5:39 AM   #15
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I had to end a friendship when I realized that the person only seemed happy when I was down or shared bad news. Any good news I shared resulted in a change of subject or an eyeroll. The funny part is that I was going through a difficult time and trying to focus on the positive. It's not like I was bragging about my fabulous life or anything like that. A real friend should want to try and lift you up instead of shoving you back in the hole.
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