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already made plans = polite no?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 19th October 2017, 5:00 AM   #1
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already made plans = polite no?

is this a polite way of saying no to an invite?

a woman that I am no longer friends with has her celebration birthday meal coming up and a mutual friend asked me if I am going.

The birthday girl is a bully and not loyal, just wants to supervise. We have argued before now, and I do not even like her any more. She is a narcissist, and I do not say this lightly, having researched it. They just target certain types of ppl to carry out domineering mental gymnastics on. So I went no contact.


and for whose benefit is the invite anyway? not mine, already made plans on purpose, just now... is this the right thing to say? I did just make plans, for real, just to cover myself, so am honestly busy that day

so screwed up here...

Last edited by darkmoon; 19th October 2017 at 5:11 AM..
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Old 19th October 2017, 5:54 AM   #2
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A woman you are no longer friends with is having a birthday and the mutual friend asked you if you are going. Given that you are no longer friends, I'd assume you didn't actually get an invitation. If this is the case, just say that you didn't get an invitation.

However, if you did get an invitation, just say that you've got other plans and can't attend.

Not sure what the problem is.
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Old 19th October 2017, 6:40 AM   #3
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Hi darkmoon,

It does seem a bit strange to me that someone who you are no longer friends with is inviting you to her birthday celebrations!

You say:-

"... The birthday girl is a bully and not loyal, just wants to supervise. We have argued before now, and I do not even like her any more. She is a narcissist, and I do not say this lightly, having researched it ... "

To be honest, she sounds toxic .... not the type of person anyone would want to be friends with!

At the end of the day, you are not obligated to attend .... if you are required to reply (if you have had a formal invitation) just reply that due to prior arrangements you are unable to attend.

You also say "so screwed up here" ... why? I don't understand why you are making such a big deal of it .. there really is no reason to!

All of us in our lives will not be able to attend some invites, for various reasons.

This really is not a problem ...... just decline politely ..... and move on!

All the best x
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