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I feel terrible for being somewhat flaky.


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 8th October 2017, 8:38 PM   #1
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I feel terrible for being somewhat flaky.

Lately, I have been feeling like crap because a friend had been asking me to hang out with her and I had not been agreeing to anything. There was once when it almost happened, but there was a bit of a misunderstanding that occurred. However, she had been wanting to hang out with me and there have been moments when either something else comes up or when I am asked after work or after class and I mostly just want to go home and relax. Then there are times when it has to do with anxiety. Hell, it took me a bit for me to finally go to a friend's house but I got over it. This girl lives a half-hour from me and I know that I can use Uber or Lyft, though I don't have accounts with either. I also don't like being asked to hang out in such short notice. I prefer planning at least a day in advance.

But still, I have been feeling like a bad friend because I have been declining lately. But in fairness, there was nothing set in stone about us doing something and then I back out at the last minute. But then again, I have been having flashbacks about something that happened a long time ago when I "dated" someone who I was not that into. I still remember how she berated me for not going to her apartment when she needed me.

What should I do about this?
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Old 8th October 2017, 9:13 PM   #2
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Get your butt out of the house and spend time with the friend!

I make a couple attempts to invite my friends out. If they say no too many times, I stop asking. You could soon lose your friend.
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Old 10th October 2017, 1:16 PM   #3
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That's your advice? Seriously?!
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Old 10th October 2017, 2:08 PM   #4
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I agree with Cersei. As someone who is consistently the person making plans with friends, there's only so many times I am going to reach out and have a person flake on me before deciding the friendship isn't worth it. Maybe it's not your intention, but it gives off the vibe that you are uninterested in maintaining a friendship.

I understand life happens. Everyone gets busy, everyone gets tired, many suffer from anxiety or depression or have other things that hold them back from socializing. Downloading Uber/Lyft isn't time consuming.

My point is, you should decide if you want to remain friends with this girl, because otherwise it isn't going to last if you continue to flake out on her. If you need more time in advanced to plan things, tell her. Offer up another date instead.
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Old 31st October 2017, 6:39 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cersei View Post
Get your butt out of the house and spend time with the friend!

I make a couple attempts to invite my friends out. If they say no too many times, I stop asking. You could soon lose your friend.
I agree. I'm an introvert and don't socialize much. I've lost count of the number of times friends have stopped inviting me places because I always say no or cancel on them.

If you don't want to go to hers, ask her over to your place.
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Old 31st October 2017, 6:42 AM   #6
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I agree with the above about asking or accepting ...however i dont believe you can ever truly lose a friend.....a true friend never fades ..friends understand they may get pissed off ...lol..but they remain to be friends...deb
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