moimeme Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 I have a friend who's an interesting sort and with whom I have a lot of laughs. Most of the time. This person, though, is *very* erratic. It's starting to make my head spin. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with one of these sorts successfully. She changes her mind faster than a chameleon can change colours. I've pretty much given up on her actually coming to an event with me because even if she proposes it, she'll change her mind. Sometimes she comes along, but more often than not she bails. That I can live with - I go with her or without her. She will say anything at all to make herself look good even though it bears no relation to the truth. She's told me she's had a dozen or so careers and probably that many cars and dogs - she hasn't lived long enough to have done all of those things, however. She'll say she never drinks but every time I'm with her she's buying a bottle. She says she never eats meat, but every time we go to eat, she's snarfing down bacon or beef or something that's definitely come off an animal. Those things are all fine - for whatever reason she needs to gain approval so tells a tale she wants you to believe. Now however she's involved in an estate issue. There's a question of whether she should go ahead and sue someone or not. She'll end up with a substantial amount of $ even if she doesn't sue. Every second day she changes her mind about what she wants to do - but of course, also won't admit that she changes her mind all the time!!!! It's this last bit that's driving me up a wall. I'm trying to be supportive and I've said that it seems it will cost too much to sue and the outcome will be iffy - which is fine with her on the days she says 'to hell with it - I don't need the stress' but not on the days like today when she's decided all over again she'll sue! Yes, I could just drop her but she can be fun to hang out with - taken in small doses she's perfectly fine. I dunno. Maybe I should just hold my tongue and agree with her mood du jour? Forget trying to provide any advice? Of course then if I say 'go ahead and sue' and she loses, I suppose she'll blame me. If this were your pal, what would you do? Life was easier before I got ADSL - then anybody who wanted to talk to me had to leave messages and she'd often have changed her mind before I returned her calls LOL. So - ideas? Other than taking dramamine when I have to deal with her? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 I had a friend like that----once a long time ago. We had a lot of fun together as long as we only talked in the moment and never about any future events or past mistakes. She was a blast to hang out with, but I got tired of the ups and downs of last minute changes. She wasn't one I could or would go to with anything serious or for support, although she did not hesitate to come to me for support. We just hung out in the moment and eventually drifted apart. One day I realized it had been months since we'd talked and I called her only to find that our lives had taken very differet paths and we no longer had much in common. It was sorta sad, but not heartbreaking and I didn't lose any sleep over it. It was fun while it lasted. You are a nurturer, Moi, and she seems like someone who might inadvertently hurt you sometime if you get too close. I don't think you'll let that happen though. Maybe instead of dramamine you should take speed to keep up? JK! I'm not pro-drug use. Just be a ducks-back to her waterfall and have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Just because you have ADSL doesn't mean you can't unplug your phone or turn the ringer off. I agree with Hokey and add that you probably don't want to discuss anything with her that is important to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 Maybe instead of dramamine you should take speed to keep up? ROTFL! I agree with Hokey and add that you probably don't want to discuss anything with her that is important to you. No worries on that. She's a 'hang out' friend. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 regarding the lawsuit, just tell her whatever she decides in the end will work out. Which it will, you're just not giving an indication as to what direction. it sounds like she's the kind of friend that will lend a little liveliness to things, and that's never a bad thing. As long as YOU know where you stand with the friendship and what your limits are, it sounds like things will be all right. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Moi, You are a caregiver, a nurturer (as mentioned previously) and all-in-all a very together person. You have attracted someone into your life who is taking from those benefits you offer - stability, dependability, accountability, great advice. But she's not able to offer reciprocity. If you have enough fun hanging out with her to outweigh the frustrations that were the catalyst for your post, great! But remember, she's not incredibly honest with you, she's fickle, and you can't depend on her even for social plans, so clearly you can't really count on her for anything else. Don't worry if your advice on the estate issue is the right advice or not - she isn't necessarily going to follow it anyway! I think you know the answer here - this isn't a friendship worth investing very much in - if you two connect and hang out - great - but your patience is likely going to wane very quickly.... If/when it does...you can exit guilt-free.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts