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I hurt a dear friend


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Old 4th October 2017, 9:37 AM   #1
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I hurt a dear friend

So i have this twitter account where i sometimes rant & it is a private account & i removed most of my friends from the account so i can speak out whatever i want. On the other side,I have this girlfriend where we have known each other from university days, And when i was planning for a trip to Egypt I asked her if she can join me. She replied by i would love to but i have to check with my boyfriend first if he accepts. I told her why would you do this, i mean aren't you independent in your decisions ? she said Cairo is a little bit dangerous place and she needs to check with him. So i went to Twitter to vent & i tweeted: My friend just told me she will ask for her boyfriend's permission to go to Egypt, Like WTF?

Unfortunately she sent a screenshot of the tweet & she told me she cant believe I am talking **** behind her back, I tried to explain that you should not see this since twitter is an account for venting and ranting & i didnt mean to hurt her as a person, but the concept bothers me & thats what Twitter is all about.She said she is so much hurt and cant trust me anymore & now it has been more than 2 weeks and after apologizing several times she never initiated a conversation.

How do you think i should approach her & make up with her ? Do you think what i did was hurtful ?
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Old 4th October 2017, 9:55 AM   #2
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I don't think what you said is that bad, however I myself really dislike it when I see people venting about their family or friends on social media. It's just in bad taste. You might think that nobody knows what who you're talking about but that's just not true. I really don't get this new trend of publicly humilating ones friends and family.

All you can do is apologize, which you did, and give her some time. Obviously she can see your Twitter so hopefully you haven't said anything else negative about your friends.
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Old 4th October 2017, 4:20 PM   #3
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It's probably too personal for social media, for sure. Get yourself an anonymous social media for that.

But yes, I too get disgusted with women who can't make a decision without their daddy -- I mean, boyfriend approving. It's not healthy. You should let them know and be sure you're not interfering with prior plans, of course. You've apologized enough and She has not apologized for being such a dishrag she has to ask permission. She probably wasn't going to get it anyway.
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Old 4th October 2017, 5:58 PM   #4
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Yes, it would have been better to keep this out of the social media. It is not a matter of really hurting her but a matter of building trust. Probably she was talking to you in confidence and did not want the whole story to go public.

Also, it is often normal that couples need to coordinate before they travel. Maybe she is not sure herself that she wants to go in this trip and she wants to get a second thought about it. Nothing bad there as long as the relationship is healthy and they do not over interfere in each other's decisions.

Tell her clearly that you are sorry and would like to talk to her again as soon as she thinks she has overcome her anger. Simple direct statements like that can be more useful than even long discussions.
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Old 5th October 2017, 3:44 AM   #5
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Actually I was not talking trash behind her back, I was just pointing out on the concept especially that i have said this to her while discussing the trip. IMO no girl should take the permission to do stuff from her so called BF,she can take an opinion yes. In my culture only the husband can interfere in his wife's stuff because they live together already. That's why when she said that it aggravated me & i was posting something about the idea not her. But since I have a very good luck in this life LOL she had to read it :P I think a friend in common sent her a screenshot. Anyhow, Yes i did apologize twice. I may talk to her in a couple of weeks if she can go out, if i felt she doesnt want to i am ready to accept that she does not want to be a friend of mine anymore.
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Old 5th October 2017, 3:47 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
It's probably too personal for social media, for sure. Get yourself an anonymous social media for that.

But yes, I too get disgusted with women who can't make a decision without their daddy -- I mean, boyfriend approving. It's not healthy. You should let them know and be sure you're not interfering with prior plans, of course. You've apologized enough and She has not apologized for being such a dishrag she has to ask permission. She probably wasn't going to get it anyway.
No names were mentioned so people would not know whom i am talking about.
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Old 5th October 2017, 11:33 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by toomanyquestions123 View Post
No names were mentioned so people would not know whom i am talking about.
You might not be announcing who she is, but you're basically insulting her behaviour and SHE knows it's about HER.

If you still don't see how your actions were in poor taste, your friend is right not to trust you because you might do something similar again.

Remove the tweet if you haven't already.
I realize you have already apologized but you may need to apologize again if your other attempts included excuses or "buts" and tell her you will make it up to her (take her for lunch or something).

If you've already done that, you need to let some time pass for her to cool down before approaching her again.
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Old 5th October 2017, 11:42 AM   #8
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You disrespected her value system and what's important to her (her boyfriend's opinion).

I also agree it's in poor taste to vent about other people on social media. Ick.

(It's equally as "ick" to totally gush over someone, too)
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Old 5th October 2017, 11:53 AM   #9
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I'm not going to comment about whether she should ask her boyfriend's permission. Because that really isn't the point.

You vented about HER personal situation and basically denigrated her and her relationship. You see....she doesn't have to follow YOUR relationship standards. She gets to choose her own.

So yeah, it was rude and teenagery.
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Old 5th October 2017, 11:54 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by toomanyquestions123 View Post
No names were mentioned so people would not know whom i am talking about.
See...this doesn't matter. I am kind of appalled that your whole concern is how she wasn't supposed to see it. You DOING it is the problem.
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Old 18th October 2017, 6:43 AM   #11
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Update

I texted her boyfriend & told him to tell her that i miss her a lot, she texted me back by saying that she misses me too <3. I love people with big hearts
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Old 18th October 2017, 7:04 AM   #12
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Did you consult your boyfriend about this trip?
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Old 18th October 2017, 7:22 AM   #13
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Did you consult your boyfriend about this trip?
I dont have a boyfriend & i wouldnt !
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Old 19th October 2017, 12:26 AM   #14
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Consulting the BF is respctfull. Its a major trip. Not dinner in town.

When I am attached. I think I am going to have us on a schedual where my GF and I make plans specific days and the rest of the days are hers to do what sh wants.

Like M/W/F week one. Week 2 Tu/Th. Week 3 Sat/Sun. Wk 4 ?

Something like that. It makes life easy that way.
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Old 19th October 2017, 12:48 AM   #15
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Definitely would consult a bf if going to Egypt, or anywhere else for that matter. BF relationship is always #1 for me, which doesn't mean I'd disrespect a gf.

Also, yes, the tweet was hurtful as it not only questioned her judgement but the way you phrased it, also seemed to mock of her judgement.

Sounds as if you're going to be able to be reconciled with your friend, wonderful! Live and learn!
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