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Making friends and reaching out


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 29th September 2017, 2:32 PM   #1
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Wink Making friends and reaching out

I'm a pretty shy person (which some people don't believe, because once they get to know me, I can be very outgoing and affectionate and bubbly and friendly!)...but I also live in a very isolated area. I'm (trying) to go through a divorce (it won't be contested, but the problems have to do with the retainer fee,...this will be a mutually agreed upon divorce)...but I have been lying for years pretending the marriage was good and great and wonderful, because I was too embarrassed to admit I made a mistake, and in particular that I was being abused. And abused for so many years.

So, I "came out" 3 years ago admitting the abuse and getting into therapy but it also means making new friends with this new honest self of who I am (not who I pretended to be). There have been lies in the past and complications now.

It's pretty much just me and my doggie (my best friend), but I don't really know how to go out and meet people and make friends. If I wasn't abused and forced to live a sheltered life for over 15 years...Some people are just shy, but I have the compounded effect of CPTSD which means I really don't have the developmental skills on how to meet new people, (especially because I'm very...peculiar myself).
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Old 29th September 2017, 2:47 PM   #2
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Hi! Congratulations for getting out of the abusive situation. That is not easy. Meeting new friends is challenging for just about everyone!!! I find that when I meet someone someplace new, more doors open to meeting others(people in their circle or just going out with them) Also, getting involved with something you are am passionate about in the community (painting class, volunteering, sport) makes it easier to make friends because you already have something in common to talk about! Maybe also consider meetup.com. It's sole purpose is to help meet new people!!! I have been to a couple in the past and it was a very positive experience. People were very friendly! I was part of a make up group and still talk to a girl from there.
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Old 29th September 2017, 3:51 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Hi! Congratulations for getting out of the abusive situation. That is not easy. Meeting new friends is challenging for just about everyone!!! I find that when I meet someone someplace new, more doors open to meeting others(people in their circle or just going out with them) Also, getting involved with something you are am passionate about in the community (painting class, volunteering, sport) makes it easier to make friends because you already have something in common to talk about! Maybe also consider meetup.com. It's sole purpose is to help meet new people!!! I have been to a couple in the past and it was a very positive experience. People were very friendly! I was part of a make up group and still talk to a girl from there.
I'm not out of the marriage yet. Because funds are an issue, I've only had consults, but I've recently found a lawyer with a low retainer who said given my history and his income (he makes very good money), and that he has neglected me and my needs for so long (lots of factors), but alimony. I'm on disability and surely that will increase, but I won't know how until after the divorce. Right now they see his large income and think I have access to it.

The person I'm attracted to I met on a "forum" that just sort of happened, but we live very far away, and I don't know what will come of it, I just know that I like them a lot. But above everything, I must get divorced. This may take a few months to pay for but we have to hammer all these details out.

I actually did join MeetUp and have been to a few and I'm glad I found them. I think my therapist recommended. I'm meeting up with a group for lunch next week actually. But they have some great outlets, to be sure.

I have issues around how to present myself, if that makes sense.
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