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My friend's comment on my appearance


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Old 30th September 2017, 11:15 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Yeah, I guess so!!

OP, this guy sounds like a jerk. I'm 44 and I doubt I'd be offended if someone said to me "younger and more beautiful" because, well that's definitely true lol. I'd be hurt if someone just said "more beautiful" though. Not sure if that makes sense. But, it does sound like he's a super big fat jerk!
It does make sense. I'm also aware that gorgeous women exist in this world, that's a fact of life and I even admire beauty - it's like looking at flowers or art. And sometimes it's hard to avoid having that nagging little voice inside - "oh, why wasn't I born that breathtakingly beautiful" since we're our own worse critics. But friends are people who can make us forget about such things cause they're with us for something beyond exterior beauty.

That's why I feel so hurt - not only because it an unnecessary blow to my [fluctuating] self-esteem, but also because he shouldn't care. We create some beautiful music on our sessions. I don't even think about how he looks :/
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Old 30th September 2017, 11:39 AM   #17
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This dude is my favorite type to mock. If I were you, I'd get him crying with my next comments. I mean I don't like to be offensive to people but if we have started the topic anyway... My friends are aware I'm pretty good in spotting not so nice details about people.

Now seriously - why would you care? Your confidence i your looks, talents etc should come from within. Beauty as anything else can be measured: do you fit measurable standards? Yes - then you're beautiful. No? You can still be for some people. But I think you know you're a 'Yes' by societal standards, right?

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Originally Posted by Lorenza View Post
Would you get hurt/offended if your friend told you you're not that beautiful?

One of my male friends have recently made a comment like this: "Well, the fact that there's so many younger and more beautiful women in the world definitely doesn't work to your advantage. Be less picky."

He was commenting on my choice to stop dating a guy I've been dating recently because of various reasons I gave him.

I know friends should be honest with each other, but this hurt me so much. Maybe the fact the it was comment from a guy added to it since he can estimate female beauty more accurately. He has made hints I'm just average before too. Otherwise he does say good things about my talents and helps me out in need. We sometimes jam together.

If feel like I want to cut him out of my life. Or am I overreacting and should accept his opinion (though I wasn't even asking if he finds me beautiful since it's not really something you ask a male friend)?
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Old 30th September 2017, 8:50 PM   #18
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Everyone has their own ideal of beauty as well. There may be some versions of conventional beauty that pretty much most people agree on. But what makes them so rare and outstanding is because,....it's rare and outstanding. Most people just don't have that capability.

Most people who love us, like us, care for us, will find beauty within. And while someone doesn't need to lie and say "you're so beautiful" they can comment on "your beautiful eyes" or "hands" or "soul" or "spirit" or "mouth" or whatever. Very few people are this total package of perfection. In fact, perfection is overrated and boring because with enough money people can purchase plastic surgery to achieve that Mattel look.

What your "friend" did is rude and is being hidden through what's called "word games" under the falsehood of "I'm only telling the truth" so you can't be mad at me type of crap. It's unnecessary. No one needs "friends" like that around who go out of their way to say something hurtful to you.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:13 AM   #19
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If I didn't know any better, I'd suspect that he had a thing for you and it was unrequited on your end so now he's taking little pot shots here and there. He can **** off.
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Old 1st October 2017, 3:39 AM   #20
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I asked him straight up what his deal is and why he's commenting on my looks. Added that I don't appreciate it. The message was read yesterday, but no answer
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Old 1st October 2017, 3:51 AM   #21
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Do you feel the need to tell your friends they're not beautiful even if it's your honest opinion? And without them asking what you think about the appearance? Cause not once have I asked him about how he finds me
His comment wasn't just about your beauty. He was basically telling you that you're aiming above your league. Look at the whole picture here.
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Old 1st October 2017, 3:54 AM   #22
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I'd never tell a friend anything negative about his or her appearance, because honestly my friends are all beautiful to me in their own ways... I have never heard any of them telling me anything negative and we're always assuring each other.
That's just girly blah blah blah feel good bollocks.

Most of us aren't beautiful. Aesthetically, most of us are degrees of average. Yeah, sure we can look good with the right clothes and makeup, but in the mornings in our natural state, we're all very ordinary.

Now, if you can see beauty in average, then good for you. But it's foolish to think that everyone thinks we look like supermodels at all times.
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:01 AM   #23
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His comment wasn't just about your beauty. He was basically telling you that you're aiming above your league. Look at the whole picture here.
I'm not aiming above my league, basil67. As I already explained.
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:04 AM   #24
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That's just girly blah blah blah feel good bollocks.

Most of us aren't beautiful. Aesthetically, most of us are degrees of average. Yeah, sure we can look good with the right clothes and makeup, but in the mornings in our natural state, we're all very ordinary.

Now, if you can see beauty in average, then good for you. But it's foolish to think that everyone thinks we look like supermodels at all times.
I don't understand your point here. What is the point in telling someone, who doesn't ask, that they're average. Are you so worried that your friends think too good of themselves? Did you read anything that I wrote on this thread, for example that I'm already beating myself down because of some flaws and my "friend" knows that, or that I don't date eye candies? Cause it feels like you didn't read any of that.
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:29 AM   #25
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I don't understand your point here. What is the point in telling someone, who doesn't ask, that they're average. Are you so worried that your friends think too good of themselves? Did you read anything that I wrote on this thread, for example that I'm already beating myself down because of some flaws and my "friend" knows that, or that I don't date eye candies? Cause it feels like you didn't read any of that.
The point in telling someone that they are average could be about bringing them back down to earth if they are being too picky and not happy with the dates they are getting.

Yeah, I get that you're tall and only tall guys. But if you judge by appearances, why can you not be judged by appearances in return? What goes around comes around.
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:36 AM   #26
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The conversation looked like this:

Friend: so how is it going with that guy?
Me: it's going nowhere actually, I wrote to him that it won't work out...
F: oh, why so?
Me: quite frankly - he's boring. Talking to him doesn't excite me, neither do I feel attracted to him all that much. I'm back on (local dating site) lol
F: (proceeds to tell me the thing I wrote in my OP).
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:50 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Lorenza View Post
The conversation looked like this:

Friend: so how is it going with that guy?
Me: it's going nowhere actually, I wrote to him that it won't work out...
F: oh, why so?
Me: quite frankly - he's boring. Talking to him doesn't excite me, neither do I feel attracted to him all that much. I'm back on (local dating site) lol
F: (proceeds to tell me the thing I wrote in my OP).
Are you happy with the local dating site or frustrated at not finding what you want?

Edited to add: I think his delivery was rude, but I suspect there's a message in it. A lot of people here can't find what they want when dating and don't know why. We tell them to ask their friends for feedback. I suspect that you've got a friend who's giving you feedback. Harshly delivered feedback perhaps, but feedback nonetheless.
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Last edited by basil67; 1st October 2017 at 5:58 AM..
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Old 1st October 2017, 6:07 AM   #28
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The point in telling someone that they are average could be about bringing them back down to earth if they are being too picky and not happy with the dates they are getting.

Yeah, I get that you're tall and only tall guys. But if you judge by appearances, why can you not be judged by appearances in return? What goes around comes around.
Once again - I'm not in the clouds about my appearance.
So if your friend ever tells you about her preferences, you feel like it gives you right to criticize her appearance?
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Old 1st October 2017, 6:09 AM   #29
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he is only attracted by very hot women. Do you still think he has the right to punish me for some kind of preference, if he talks how he won't commit because there's too many hotties he wants to test?

Last edited by Lorenza; 1st October 2017 at 6:49 AM..
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Old 1st October 2017, 9:23 AM   #30
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he is only attracted by very hot women. Do you still think he has the right to punish me for some kind of preference, if he talks how he won't commit because there's too many hotties he wants to test?
Gosh, you're seriously overthinking his comment. WTH it even means to be a 'very hot' woman. I'm sure whatever it is I'm not it, and I'm still very happy with my appearance. Why? Because it's me Appearance is one of the things I never felt compelled to get external validation for, so I find it very weird you need it. You have mirror, right? You can see you have a nice body/hair/face -why do you need some random dude's approval to what you can see yourself?
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