LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

My group of friends only invites me to some events?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree3Likes
  • 3 Post By CautiouslyOptimistic
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 22nd September 2017, 2:22 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 91
My group of friends only invites me to some events?

I have a regular group of friends that I have known for a couple of years. So we are all having a get together at a friend's place this weekend and are busy organizing the food and drinks. Lots of constant back and forth messages.

Tonight I am hanging out at home and see on Facebook that the same group went to dinner and then bowling and posted lots of pictures. Nobody told me about it or invited me. I find this really weird as I would have enjoyed going.

It has happened before. Should I distance myself from them? Look for other friends?
suckered is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2017, 2:28 PM   #2
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,285
Quote:
Originally Posted by suckered View Post
I have a regular group of friends that I have known for a couple of years. So we are all having a get together at a friend's place this weekend and are busy organizing the food and drinks. Lots of constant back and forth messages.

Tonight I am hanging out at home and see on Facebook that the same group went to dinner and then bowling and posted lots of pictures. Nobody told me about it or invited me. I find this really weird as I would have enjoyed going.

It has happened before. Should I distance myself from them? Look for other friends?
Ask them about it.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd September 2017, 1:19 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NYC
Posts: 305
This might sound harsh but:

To you they might be your friends but to them you might simply be an acquaintance.

It's also possible that the organizer of the bowling event didn't feel the need to invite you so it could just be him/her that didn't want to include you.

Try not to take it personal. I've been there myself.

I've had former coworkers get really hurt at me for not inviting them places and I had no idea at the time that I was hurting someone's feelings.
loverboy69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd September 2017, 3:10 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 7,045
Kind of what Loverboy said. I have a group of friends and we go out together. But some of the group have closer friendships than I have and I'm not invited to those events. It kind of stings, but I understand they want to do things independently.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd September 2017, 8:22 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 91
I would understand that if there were 2 or 3 people that were closer friends. But a 10 people bowling night and not to invite me? Hardly strikes me as an intimate gathering. Also, anyone could have said "let's invite suckered" even if the organizer didn't.

I just kind of feel like distancing myself from the group. I had other groups of friends in the past (that have since moved away) and in general everyone was always inclusive and invited to bigger events.
suckered is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd September 2017, 8:26 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,268
Keep your old friends and develop new friendships, too.

I have a friend whose daughter always seemed exceptionally happy and well adjusted through her teen-aged years, a time when many young ladies have friendship issues.

Her mom told me that from the time her daughter was a little girl she taught her to have many friendship groups (she mentioned her daughter had six groups of friends) so if she was on the outs with one of her groups, or they pulled back for some reason, she always had other friends to distract her. Seems wise to me.
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd September 2017, 8:27 AM   #7
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 24,552
Just pick the person you are closest to in the group & tell them you were hurt when you weren't invited to bowling. Ask that person to include you in the future. They might not have realized you wanted to go.

I don't ski & I hate camping. My friends don't invite when they do those things because they know I have no interest. I asked them to let me know anyway because I might want to hang out in the ski lodge, go tubing or rent a cabin near where they are camping. We're older now & they all do the cabin thing, rather than camping. This year for the 1st time in 25 years I went on the Memorial Day trip. I'll never go again but . . .
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd September 2017, 12:00 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,431
I will just say that even the meetup group I'm part of limits gatherings to a certain number, whether it's lunch or bowling. They do reservations.

But also, my experience with friends in my younger days is that we rarely all did everything together. Not everyone likes hanging with a large group. I really like one-on-one time with friends and certainly had some I was very close to, some I liked but didn't confide in, and others who were just fun as a group. If I was wanting to talk to someone about what was going on, I'd be far more likely to do it one or two at a time and just the closest and not the others. Plus the more people you have, the more problems in organizing and the more people drop out or are late or whatever. So you might look at that practicality. Are you dependable? Do you go along with the organizer's plan or try to change it? Are you late? Are you early? Do you monopolize the conversation? Do you just sit there and not speak? Are you critical? Is there a person within the group who you have ticked off by being too blunt or not liking their bf or something?

So ask yourself those things, but bottom line, humans are not herd animals by nature.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How to handle group dating events? max3732 Dating 6 3rd October 2017 4:13 PM
Angling at getting other singles to attend group events LookAtThisPOst In Search Of... 5 2nd February 2016 6:10 PM
She 'lets just be friends'd me then invites me to a party? Guitarisgood Dating 11 27th September 2013 9:01 PM
Boyfriend invites his friends to dinners and whatnot? lemonlegs Dating 12 12th August 2013 10:12 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:20 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.