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-   -   What's a good way to branch out and become more social? (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/635109-what-s-good-way-branch-out-become-more-social)

NightRogue 16th September 2017 2:23 PM

What's a good way to branch out and become more social?
 
I am a 19 year old student in uni and I need advice on becoming more social. Normally, I'm pretty quiet and introverted and not that outgoing tbh. So far, I have like 3 friends at Uni and they are part of a larger social group which I am not, and they tend to hang out and do things together. I don't want to spend my time alone or aloof, but maybe I guess I feel somewhat intimidated by the fact that they have their own group and I don't. I want to be more social but I don't want to force myself or shoehorn myself into a group they already have. So what's the best way to become more social.

Soak 16th September 2017 4:17 PM

There should be a student services at your uni or college who organise social things, such as movies, days out or weekends away. It is a good way to meet people.

NightRogue 24th September 2017 10:43 AM

should I leave those 3 mentioned friend behind?

preraph 24th September 2017 10:07 PM

Contact your college student services or whatever they call it, Student Union. Go talk to them about volunteer opportunities around campus. You'll likely end up working with a group of other people part of the time and get to know them and they may have you helping with things around events. Keep an eye on the job postings around the University. Sometimes they have ones that are only once in awhile that most people could make time for. For example when I was in college I worked some of the ball games in the concession areas.

Be sure you have a class that has a lab type setting where you're working with other people. And don't neglect to take art or music classes because those are more Interactive.

Steve51 24th September 2017 11:49 PM

A good way is to join a club or organization. You will meet lots of people with no pressure on you. I used to go to the local Mensa meetings to be with people. They had parties and gatherings. Also played games and heard people speak on various topics. I also belong to the local Amateur Radio club and ended up making 4 friend from there who lasted for years until I moved far away. When I was into competitive shooting I made friends there too. We got close to a couple and became best friends. They moved away and we did 2 years later.

I have moved 13 times so I know how to meet people in new cities or towns. It is not difficult and I have a hard time finding friends that share my diverse interest. In high school I was part of the Yearbook club, School newspaper, band, Literary club, started the Chess club and school TV station. I had a morning homeroom show that resulted in everyone knowing me. I also played football and baseball. I did not realize it then but I was a busy beaver in high school. I never wanted to be alone.

Now that I am 66, I have no friends and am loving it. In business I travelled all over the world and was away from home at least 3 months of every year. It is nice to have no obligations to friends or seeing movies that you really do not like or going to restaurants that are not interested in. I am enjoying staying home, joining forums online and working 3 days a week. I have acquaintances and family that we see occasionally. My wife is loving where we are now. She had a group of girls she plays MahJong, Cards and Bingo with, 3 or 4 nights a week. Where we used to live she had no local girlfriends to go out with, just one or two couples to go out to eat with.

People think that loners have something wrong with them but they are wrong. Some of us do not need other people to feel complete. We enjoy doing only those things we like to do and not follow the group. No one is going to call us to give them a ride or help them move. We do not have to be careful about seeing only one member of the group or else the rest got upset. I love to learn and all of my hobbies do not require anyone here with me. I can get on my ham radio and talk to people all over the world. Do the same with online chatting.

Try joining groups but it is OK to be a loner too.

d0nnivain 25th September 2017 8:18 AM

A great way to branch out in school is to get involved with a club or organization on campus that interests you. Go to the meetings; attend the events; spend time with like minded people.

NightRogue 26th September 2017 12:11 AM

I was wondering regarding the situation of these 3 friends I know. As I mentioned earlier, they are part of a larger social circle, so not surprising they tend to hang out with them more than they do with me, though I don't want to feel forgotten. The thing is, this circle has the same interest as me more or less, and I guess I would kind of like to be part of it, but I don't want to like come across as desperate or shoehorn myself in. What should I do?

d0nnivain 26th September 2017 1:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NightRogue (Post 7423267)
should I leave those 3 mentioned friend behind?


No. Keep them as friends. Just get more friends through other clubs & activities on campus.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NightRogue (Post 7424562)
I was wondering regarding the situation of these 3 friends I know. As I mentioned earlier, they are part of a larger social circle, so not surprising they tend to hang out with them more than they do with me, though I don't want to feel forgotten. The thing is, this circle has the same interest as me more or less, and I guess I would kind of like to be part of it, but I don't want to like come across as desperate or shoehorn myself in. What should I do?


If those 3 are your intro into the larger group, befriend others in that larger group so you have more than 3 friends on campus. People can't call "dibs" on other people in that s/he was my friend first so they can't be friends with you now too. Life doesn't work that way. So next time you go to something involving the larger group make a point to talk to two or more "new" people.

snowboy91 27th September 2017 7:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NightRogue (Post 7424562)
I was wondering regarding the situation of these 3 friends I know. As I mentioned earlier, they are part of a larger social circle, so not surprising they tend to hang out with them more than they do with me, though I don't want to feel forgotten. The thing is, this circle has the same interest as me more or less, and I guess I would kind of like to be part of it, but I don't want to like come across as desperate or shoehorn myself in. What should I do?

If that circle shares your interests, is there any reason why those people in said circle couldn't just be friends you haven't met yet? Most people are pretty open to meeting anyone who likes the same stuff they do. Just ask your existing friends to introduce you!

I've introduced people from different sides of my life that have since become good friends (and occasionally dated). That's how people made friends in old times before social media and Meetup groups ;)

NightRogue 27th September 2017 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d0nnivain (Post 7425051)
No. Keep them as friends. Just get more friends through other clubs & activities on campus.




If those 3 are your intro into the larger group, befriend others in that larger group so you have more than 3 friends on campus. People can't call "dibs" on other people in that s/he was my friend first so they can't be friends with you now too. Life doesn't work that way. So next time you go to something involving the larger group make a point to talk to two or more "new" people.


I did not mean to come across as if I called dibs. I should elaborate. I mean, if they are part of a larger circle, they are more inclined to hang out with them than me I mean, which is ok, though I still don't want to feel left behind or something but I don't want to like force or shoehorn myself in.

d0nnivain 28th September 2017 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NightRogue (Post 7426179)
I did not mean to come across as if I called dibs. I should elaborate. I mean, if they are part of a larger circle, they are more inclined to hang out with them than me I mean, which is ok, though I still don't want to feel left behind or something but I don't want to like force or shoehorn myself in.


You misunderstood me. I meant your 3 friends can't call "dibs" on the larger circle. If you have these 3 buddies & they take you with them to meet 6 other people so now you are a group of 10. Your 3 buddies can't prohibit you from interacting with and later independently socializing with any of the other 6.


Plus if you get to know the other 6 you may get independent invites from one or more of the 6 & your participation will no longer depend on the 3

NightRogue 29th September 2017 11:40 PM

I get it. But the thing is, I guess I am little concerned, seeing as they already have their own group, I might be forgotten. Like I do want to ask them to hang out, but I don't want to like feel clingy if I do if that makes sense.

d0nnivain 30th September 2017 9:53 AM

Just pick an activity & ask them to accompany you.

Clingy would be following them & always begging them to be included in what they do. Confident is organizing something to do & inviting them along.

NightRogue 2nd October 2017 1:57 PM

I see but there's something that's been on my mind for a bit. As I said, these people are pretty busy doing things with their own group and they have plans, so I'm a little hesitant to ask for a hangout as I feel like they could be a bit busy. For example, I asked one friend at one time, but he already had plans but said we could work something out later. It was like two weeks ago and nothing yet, so I guess I should be the initiator then, but I'm still a little concerned I might be forgotten. Should I ask again?

NightRogue 4th October 2017 8:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d0nnivain (Post 7427678)
Just pick an activity & ask them to accompany you.

Clingy would be following them & always begging them to be included in what they do. Confident is organizing something to do & inviting them along.

Sorry, but what do you think of what I listed recently?


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