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Confronted her...***Updated***


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 13th September 2017, 5:13 PM   #1
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Smile Confronted her...***Updated***

Hi,

I gave a gift to a friend and she apparently has gotten weirded out by it. We haven't spoken at all after it and decided I should text her to see what's up. I politely asked her what's the issue and she still hasn't replied back. The gift was just Belgian chocolates. I am offended by her that she can't even have the decency to reply back at least. I am going to ignore her, but my intention was just a friendly gift not trying to date this person. Thoughts? I thank you guys.
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Old 13th September 2017, 5:20 PM   #2
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What was teh occasion? Or you just saw them at the store & thought of her? Cuz it's a bit more than friendly to give a woman chocolates, but it sounds like she has reacted immaturely twice, first by confiding in someone other than you that she found it strange, and then by not responding to your message.
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Old 13th September 2017, 5:35 PM   #3
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Hey, where are you located and can I be your friend? I love chocolates.

This woman sounds really immature.
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Old 13th September 2017, 6:05 PM   #4
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Well, we connected via Facebook. We have been talking for two months straight and we made it clear we are just friends. I saw her 3 weeks ago in person. She lives roughly an hour away from me. As a friendly gesture, I thought it be nice to give her chocolates as I was in Belgium for awhile. She has me on every single social media platform, but find it crazy she can't text me back but has me on her social media. It's just very confusing to me. I don't want our friendship to be ruined, but can't believe this immaturity.
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Old 13th September 2017, 6:08 PM   #5
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Buying gifts is a romantic gesture. So she sending the message she's not interested. And since you keep saying you're not interested in anything romantic, then there's not a reason in the world why this should bother you. She thought a gift was a bit much and now she's going to avoid you. People don't want obligations in a relationship put in the relationship hasn't developed far enough to Warrant them, whether friends or lovers.

She is not anywhere near the place where she would consider buying you a gift so now she feels very awkward and is being avoidant. I suggest you just completely leave her alone.
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Old 13th September 2017, 6:17 PM   #6
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As I said before, I am trying to resolve the misunderstanding, but she can have the decency to at least tell me what's the issue. I just think ignoring me but having me on her social media is just weird. If she's so weirded it by it why not just tell me?
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Old 13th September 2017, 11:22 PM   #7
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Did she tell you or someone else that she was weirded out by the gift? Or are you just guessing?

If you know for sure that's the reason she's avoiding you, then why are you asking her what the issue is? Why not start by apologizing for making her feel uncomfortable or giving her the wrong idea?

Quote:
I politely asked her what's the issue and she still hasn't replied back.
I hope you were extreeeemely polite in the way you worded this to her, because if a guy I just met asked me any variation of "What's your problem" then I'd very likely ignore him. I have my doubts that you were extremely polite about it because you were already annoyed that she wasn't responding the way you wanted her to.

In any case, when a new friend ignores you, apologize and make one attempt to open a line of communication, but if it doesn't work, you've got to move on. If you're respectful about it then maybe someday down the line, she'll contact you again. But if you press the issue and pester her, you're probably going to ruin any chance you had.
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Old 14th September 2017, 5:43 AM   #8
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Yes, I politely apologized because I didn't even have time to speak to her when I dropped it off. My mother was at the hospital during this time and messed me so couldn't wait around and talk. I texted her politely telling her why I had to rush, but she never replied back and this is 3 weeks ago. Recently, I texted politely to see how we can resolve this but she still decided not to text back.
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Old 14th September 2017, 5:44 AM   #9
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Her friend told another friend of mine. She never spoke to me directly about this and couple days after this incident her friend messaged me asking if everything went okay between me and her. I explained, but her friend didn't even get back to me probably she told her not to reply and I am sure she asked her friend to message me.
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Old 14th September 2017, 7:25 PM   #10
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She doesn't want anything further to do with you. She isn't interested romantically and so she doesn't want to have an awkward talk with you or anything. Whether that's fair or not that's the way it is.

Time to leave her alone and just move on.
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Old 15th September 2017, 12:14 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray411 View Post
Well, we connected via Facebook. We have been talking for two months straight and we made it clear we are just friends. I saw her 3 weeks ago in person. She lives roughly an hour away from me. As a friendly gesture, I thought it be nice to give her chocolates as I was in Belgium for awhile. She has me on every single social media platform, but find it crazy she can't text me back but has me on her social media. It's just very confusing to me. I don't want our friendship to be ruined, but can't believe this immaturity.
She thinks you're interested in her. Giving her chocolates (to her) translated to you being into her.

Do nothing. You reached out and she's chosen not to respond. Her loss, okay? Try your best not to let this eat you up so much. And, think of it this way, you really don't know her too well so maybe this friendship thing with her isn't such a good idea. She could have texted you back and said thanks. Or said hey I hope you understand that we're just friends and you're not hoping for more. Keep that mind, how she chose to handle it.

Immature and doesn't have the communication skills.
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Old 15th September 2017, 12:16 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray411 View Post
Yes, I politely apologized because I didn't even have time to speak to her when I dropped it off. My mother was at the hospital during this time and messed me so couldn't wait around and talk. I texted her politely telling her why I had to rush, but she never replied back and this is 3 weeks ago. Recently, I texted politely to see how we can resolve this but she still decided not to text back.
Reading this now, let the friendship die. This girl isn't worth it!! You can find better friends who treat you well and don't ignore you/ghost you.

I hope your mom is doing better.
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Old 15th September 2017, 4:17 PM   #13
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Thank you for the messages. I just find it severely rude and for her to not text me back over something like this is mind-boggling. The comment about she has gotten weirded out by me is beyond me. I won't chase her because this is immature from her part. She could've politely told me about how she felt and could've resolved this. However, ignoring me when we aren't even dating as friends just find it crazy. This isn't friendship to me.
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Old 15th September 2017, 4:26 PM   #14
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Also she had previously told me she isn't looking for a relationship before, which made me feel comfortable because didn't want her to think I was talking to her for it.
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Old 15th September 2017, 5:43 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray411 View Post
Yes, I politely apologized because I didn't even have time to speak to her when I dropped it off. My mother was at the hospital during this time and messed me so couldn't wait around and talk. I texted her politely telling her why I had to rush, but she never replied back and this is 3 weeks ago. Recently, I texted politely to see how we can resolve this but she still decided not to text back.
I don't think you did anything wrong. Some people are just natural gift givers and they really don't have any expectations or hidden agendas, they just enjoy giving tokens of affection or appreciation.

But the paragraph I quoted got me to thinking. She lives an hour away from you and you had never met her. You not only went to her town, you went to her house, for the purpose of dropping off chocolates. That's what might be over the top. Did she know you were coming to her town? Was she expecting you to show up at her house? or wherever she may have been? If you told her you were coming did she sound receptive or eager to meet you?

this got me to thinking that it's not about the chocolates at all, it's about some guy she only knows on facebook turning up where she lives, just to give her chocolates. I would view that as either really romantic or kind of creepy depending on how I felt about the person.
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