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Letting Go Of A Toxic Friend, But Her Daughter Loves Me


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Old 5th September 2017, 1:03 PM   #1
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Letting Go Of A Toxic Friend, But Her Daughter Loves Me

I am having to say goodbye to someone due to what I consider to be criminal conduct. She is in a bad marriage and she spikes her husband's coffee in the morning with chocolate medical marijuana just to put up with him. He gets dizzy and started seeing doctors because he thought we was dying. (He's not, he's fine.) I'm sorry, but this is beyond crazy, right?

The problem is, her five-year old daughter adores me. I have always been referred to as her Fairy Godmother. Having to cut off this friendship means not having her in my life. My friend is over-the-top upset about this and accuses me of abandoning her little girl who doesn't understand why I haven't been around. That part is my dilemma. I feel awful, but I really do not know what to do about it. The friendship was becoming way too toxic for me and I held on longer than I wanted to. But how do I reconcile letting a little girl, who I was always there for, down?

Thanks for listening.
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Old 5th September 2017, 7:58 PM   #2
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Guilt is never a good reason to keep a toxic person in your life. Unfortunately, it sounds like these two were a package deal. That your friend would wield her child's innocence around to manipulate you just reaffirms how you made the correct decision. I'm not sure how you would get a message to the little girl without stirring up more drama.
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Old 5th September 2017, 8:04 PM   #3
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Thumbs up Whoa!

Your decision to stay away from these people was a good decision.
Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. She will be ok in time.

You made the right call.
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Old 5th September 2017, 10:44 PM   #4
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Thank you very much for your insightful responses. I was leaning toward what you both said, that I made the right decision. But it is sometimes hard to be objective when it's your own predicament. Thanks again, and take care!
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Old 5th September 2017, 10:58 PM   #5
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Not only is your 'friend' toxic, but her intoxicating her husband's coffee is literally illegal. The household does not sound safe, let alone healthy, and this is easily grounds for filing a report with your local child protective services agency. I would highly recommend doing so, disclosing the information you know, so they can conduct an investigation and determine whether or not it is safe for the child to live there. At the very least, doing so will (hopefully) foster the reality check that the wife sorely needs. Just my two cents.
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Old 6th September 2017, 12:37 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by TunaInTheBrine View Post
Not only is your 'friend' toxic, but her intoxicating her husband's coffee is literally illegal. The household does not sound safe, let alone healthy, and this is easily grounds for filing a report with your local child protective services agency. I would highly recommend doing so, disclosing the information you know, so they can conduct an investigation and determine whether or not it is safe for the child to live there. At the very least, doing so will (hopefully) foster the reality check that the wife sorely needs. Just my two cents.
I hear you about this. I thought walking away would be in my best interests. However, I have seriously considered the best interests of the little girl and doing what you suggested. Obviously, the proposition of this has the ability to rock a whole lot of worlds. So there is that on top of everything else. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

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Old 6th September 2017, 7:04 PM   #7
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I have to say I would only report the household to the authorities if you really believe she is truly endangered there. I've heard more than my share of nightmare stories involving children in foster care. Awful stories of abuse in the substitute homes that CPS turned a blind eye to...it's not always peaches and rainbows. I can't say that's representative of the system as a whole, but it would give me pause if I were in your position.
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Old 7th September 2017, 12:47 AM   #8
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I have to say I would only report the household to the authorities if you really believe she is truly endangered there. I've heard more than my share of nightmare stories involving children in foster care. Awful stories of abuse in the substitute homes that CPS turned a blind eye to...it's not always peaches and rainbows. I can't say that's representative of the system as a whole, but it would give me pause if I were in your position.
No, you're right. I work in the mental health field and am well acquainted with CPS. They are not typically a positive experience. I think the best outcomes with CPS are when the parents get rehabilitated for whatever issues they need to address, and until they do, that the child lives with a safe family relative. So, while I agree with the OP that calling CPS would open up a whole new can of worms, the child will likely develop some kind of personality and relationship issues from living in this sort of environment. Abuse does not have to be overt to be internalized and then acted out later in life.
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Old 8th September 2017, 3:08 AM   #9
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I think the best outcomes with CPS are when the parents get rehabilitated for whatever issues they need to address, and until they do, that the child lives with a safe family relative.
Oh, dear. It gets more complicated. The little girl was adopted, and is being raised, by her grandmother (my "friend"). Her mother (my friend's daughter) is a meth addict. So, I find all of this nonsense beyond "ironical". There is no safe family relative. I didn't know I would tap into someone so insightful about this issue. I think I just need to keep the distance. I can't fix this crazy. I will miss that little angel. She truly is special, but she is not mine. I hope they don't ruin it. Maybe she will look me up some day. In the meantime, I thank you.
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Old 8th September 2017, 5:07 PM   #10
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Oh, dear. It gets more complicated. The little girl was adopted, and is being raised, by her grandmother (my "friend"). Her mother (my friend's daughter) is a meth addict. So, I find all of this nonsense beyond "ironical". There is no safe family relative. I didn't know I would tap into someone so insightful about this issue. I think I just need to keep the distance. I can't fix this crazy. I will miss that little angel. She truly is special, but she is not mine. I hope they don't ruin it. Maybe she will look me up some day. In the meantime, I thank you.
There's a reason the mother went down the path she did, and now her daughter is at the origin starting point of where that path started. Her future is not going to be good if she stays in that home, and I know foster homes can be even worse. She is going to have a rough life.
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