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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 24th August 2017, 4:06 PM   #1
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Best Friend Gift

Hello,

I have known a friend/work colleague for 23 years. Over the years she has become my best friend and I have told her that. Besides being my best friend, I have feelings for her, though she is happily married and to be honest I am not her type as she has hinted in a nice way.

She has always supported me in life and is so kind to me. Next week she is going to help me paint the house for a day.

I am thinking of a gift that is not too uncomfortable to say how much I care for her.

The gift would be a bottle of wine with a personal message written on the bottle saying ( to my best friend I ever had ) and with a yellow single rose to show true friendship either hand drawn on the bottle or a real rose attached to the bottle.

Would that be too strong as I wouldn't want to lose her friendship

any advice appreciated

Thanks

J
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Old 24th August 2017, 4:18 PM   #2
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Do NOT do this. It's gushy and roses = romance. As a woman, all of my alerts would spike up if this happened to me. And my husband's alerts would probably spike up too.

Give her the bottle. Just the bottle. Treat her as you would a male best mate.
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Old 24th August 2017, 7:02 PM   #3
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^ I totally agree with Basil. A rose is a desperate plea for romance. She's taken. Don't do it. You can't have her. A bottle of wine is fine, minus the gushy note. Just give her the wine in one of those wine gift bags and say thanks for helping me in person.
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Old 24th August 2017, 8:04 PM   #4
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Would that be too strong as I wouldn't want to lose her friendship
depends whether you're a boy or a girl
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Old 24th August 2017, 11:43 PM   #5
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Hi

Thanks for reply. In the past I have given her yellow roses for birthdays which in the UK yellow roses show friendship and really liked them.
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Old 25th August 2017, 12:47 AM   #6
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It's not her birthday, right? If you've sent her yellow roses on her birthday, I would keep the roses to her birthday. I, too, have heard of yellow roses symbolizing friendship.

I think to give her a yellow rose with wine plus a sentimental note for painting your house is a bit much because it still seems on the romantic side. I would either do the wine alone or offer to take her to lunch as a thanks for her time and tell her how much you appreciate the friendship instead of writing the note. Or get her a potted plant as a thank you if she likes flowers that much.
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Old 25th August 2017, 5:27 AM   #7
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Hi thanks for feedback, yes I will skip roses and wine. A friend from work suggested I think of some words to say and group them together and create a friendship heart card and frame it for her.
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Old 25th August 2017, 10:37 AM   #8
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Honestly, you need to just move on because she only likes you as a friend and it's kind of sneaky pretending to be a friend when you want more. You're putting way too much thought into what to say/do/give her. A friend who helps you paint, it's make sure to order a pizza if they get hungry but just thank them "thank you so much for helping me paint." You are trying to sneak into her doing you a favor a confession of love, and I can guarantee you this is not going to set well with her. She will be thinking, I offered to help the little jerk and all he was trying to do is get me over here because he has a crush.
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Old 25th August 2017, 5:41 PM   #9
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Hi thanks for feedback, yes I will skip roses and wine. A friend from work suggested I think of some words to say and group them together and create a friendship heart card and frame it for her.
NOOOOO

As soon as you frame something, it means that your intention is for her to keep or display the item to remind her of you and your friendship. This is such an inappropriate gift for a married woman.

Give her wine. Just wine.
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Old 25th August 2017, 8:28 PM   #10
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If you are very good friends, don't you take turning helping each other. If that was a bigger favor than usual, then why not treat her and her hubby to lunch, or bring them some homemade goodies?
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Old 25th August 2017, 8:30 PM   #11
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Yes. I'm certain her husband is feeling very left out.
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Old 25th August 2017, 8:36 PM   #12
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Baked goods or treating them both to dinner are also appropriate ways of saying thanks.
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Old 26th August 2017, 10:20 AM   #13
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I like the suggestion to take her and her husband out to dinner. Otherwise give her the wine, skip the rose, and maybe include one of those of humorous friendship greeting cards. Inside just write something simple like "thanks for being a great friend". Nothing mushy or sentimental. No flowers, no framed hearts.
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