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dreading this


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 20th August 2017, 3:53 AM   #1
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dreading this

So I did what you are supposed to do, blocked the abuser

Glad to see the back of her after being made ill by her, but my hunch is that she will be back in my life, thru a mutual friend

And I know she will accuse me of doing what she does, making her impossible to talk it over with, so if I told she made me ill, she would say the same, and so on.

She is a narcissist, and I do not say this lightly, having researched friendships, to get some insights

So now I am worrying about seeing her again, she will invoke the mutual friend so that I am in the wrong for not wanting the trio, not that we meet all that regularly, but she will be difficult

When I asked her why she was like that with me but not the mutual friend she texted me saying "I'm out" and I was relieved

But - -she wanted to pay me some money back thru the mutual friend - bizarrely not directly to me, but using the friend to get to me - meh, a small amout, she told me so in a text ended with a kiss, that is a bit of love-bombing. And that bombing is used to lure the victim into a cycle of abuse which is thrilling for the narcissst, but not the victim. So I told her give the money to charity and to let me go srsly, in a text, and then I blocked her
,
There are other people we all know who we hardly see in one group setting, so I could be one of them, or threaten her with three months of probation and this is to keep her in line, I could just be polite but boring to her, and make no effort, or just make fun of her, so that she knows she has no power- or do all of them

She was hell, dramatic, maybe I should avoid her, but she does want to avoid me, and has poor boundaries, I think she is acquaintance material, not my idea of a friend, we don't get on

Maybe I should be blunt and tell her that, to be honest with her and myself, and saying that we don't get on stops the accusing as it is a shared situation a "we" not a "you" free of right or wrong, or just continue keeping away, and not risk more drama, I would also want to assert that "we" are flogging a dead horse, so she knows the game is up

Or just be ill, and tell the mutual friend that I can not make it, as we meet at the mutual friend's house, and see what happens if I do not visit her when my narc is there, the mutual friend knows I do not like my narc and has been ok about it

Just venting here, and needing support or any insights

Last edited by darkmoon; 20th August 2017 at 5:37 AM..
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Old 20th August 2017, 7:19 AM   #2
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Continue to ignore her. If a mutual friend tries to intervene, politely but firmly tell the mutual friend to butt out.

You have blocked her. Let her stay blocked.

Also stop worrying about what might happen. She might not come back at all. Deal with it, only if she's a reality.
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Old 20th August 2017, 7:23 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Continue to ignore her. If a mutual friend tries to intervene, politely but firmly tell the mutual friend to butt out.

You have blocked her. Let her stay blocked.

Also stop worrying about what might happen. She might not come back at all. Deal with it, only if she's a reality.
thanks for that, yes, ask the mutual friend to butt out, amazing how you can lose yourself to narcs

needed to write all of this down, to get it all out, took hours

Last edited by darkmoon; 20th August 2017 at 7:30 AM..
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Old 20th August 2017, 9:51 AM   #4
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Well now that you have written it down try to make a commitment to yourself to stop thinking about it. Let everyone know it is a 'no fly zone' - do not talk about her, do not look her up, do not think about her. Then little by little the poison will start to seep out of your life. And one day you will wake up and it and her will be gone. That is the best and only thing to be done with malignant narcs IMHO. Good luck!
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Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full for language & ideas, even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense. - Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī
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Old 20th August 2017, 11:10 AM   #5
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Don't communicate with her. She is trying to manipulate you into that. So block her on all social media AND block your mutual friend on social media and let your mutual friend know you are serious about not wanting to hear anything about the woman and don't want any gossip about you getting to her. If the mutual friend is closer to the woman, you should probably just let her know that because of the situation, you are also going no contact with her as well until this woman has moved on at least. Just shut it all down. Don't let anyone talk to you. Block her on the phone. There are apps for that. Change locks if she has a key. Don't answer the door if she comes over. If she becomes a stalker, make a log of dates and what she did and call police, if she just won't quit. Sounds like she's maybe not going that far so that's good.

There's only one way to stop seeing someone, and that is to stop seeing/hearing/talking/texting or social media-ing them. it's all perfectly well within your control. If there's a chance she'll try to get at you through different friends or family, warn them about her and ask them not to give her any info whatever about you and to please block her as well.
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Old 20th August 2017, 5:29 PM   #6
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I have been brooding over this all day

I have no intention of not being there for the mutual friend, and I enjoy her company and make her laugh. We have fun and have other mutual associates, friend is too big a word.

My brooding led me to intuit that the next time the narc will want to see me is her birthday in the autumn.

Blagging a present? Thinking of more ways to manipulate me? Or even to triangulate, so that the birthday ends up with some/one of the other guests telling me off (bullying...) too.

Just relieved that it is only her birthday, a one-off invite, and nothing more.

But needing to vent here.
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Old 21st August 2017, 5:12 AM   #7
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rehearsing my response to her, when she does contact me - through the mutual friend - I will say that I do not remember her, mindful that I dread her, there is no way that I want to encourage her

I am in a state of PTSD, so need to vent, and plan to get my sanity back here

and this keeps me sane, she drove me nuts, and I nearly used the present tense, drive not drove, so am not free of her yet

I will joke at her if she turns up, and insists on knowing me after our lil divorce, stay playful, and strong, narc back at her

Last edited by darkmoon; 21st August 2017 at 6:37 AM..
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