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How stop a friend from using you as a bucket for bad emotions?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 15th August 2017, 7:18 AM   #1
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How stop a friend from using you as a bucket for bad emotions?

I have a female friends who's 40 this year, single and jobless. She been dating bunch of weird characters probably way before I met her. She's always seem to online dating but getting no where. Everytime I see there will be lot of dramas and I feel its bit too much.

What I can say to her?
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Old 15th August 2017, 9:51 AM   #2
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What can I say to her?
She probably shouldn't be prioritizing dating until she finds a job?
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Old 15th August 2017, 12:03 PM   #3
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Tell her the answer is not finding a man. It's getting two jobs, any two jobs, and getting back on her feet.
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Old 15th August 2017, 12:07 PM   #4
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If you are a true friend, you put up with her bad emotions. That's just what friends do. If somebody is going through a bad phase, they sometimes need a shoulder to cry on.........and if they have "friends" who complain about that, then I would say they're not real friends. They are not there for them. I personally LOVE my friends, and if they need me during bad times, I am more than happy to be supportive. In return, I expect the same from them, and I have no problem being authentic, even if I am going through a rough patch. I do not want friends if I have to pretend in fromt of them. That would just be ridiculous.
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Old 15th August 2017, 6:25 PM   #5
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If you want to see a more cheerful side of her, you should try to suggest something. Suggest you two go to a comedy show, or a funny movie, or do something where you can both socialize with other people.

Why she's complaining to you might be because she thinks you are equally unhappy, or because she feels better after talking to you. You might really be helping her even though it feels tiring. If you are getting 'compassion fatigue' then make your next plan to see her a few weeks out to give yourself a break.
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Old 15th August 2017, 11:33 PM   #6
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I recommend brushing up on the art of conversation. It is a skill and she is probably doing that because there is nothing else to talk about. This is very common. What you have to do is take the LEAD and steer the conversation to topics that you enjoy talking about more. You have to do the work and not just passively listen.
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Old 17th August 2017, 4:08 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amazin View Post
I have a female friends who's 40 this year, single and jobless. She been dating bunch of weird characters probably way before I met her. She's always seem to online dating but getting no where. Everytime I see there will be lot of dramas and I feel its bit too much.

What I can say to her?
I am sorry if this seems a bit frank, but to me I dont care if they are a male or female friend.

Say goodbye and let the drama go. I will give you an example:

A long time buddy of mine who is married and has two special needs kids. His marriage was wonderful and looking forward to having children.

Fast forward...

...He is a great guy and lives in pure misery. I even worked for him for free when he started out his business years ago, but he was not able to grasp dealing with children that needed special attention. Having him over to my place and looking at him with his head down in the pity pot disgusted me. I told him I am sorry, but I cannot have you in my life. You are my good friend but I have to let you go. Get yourself together and accept the responsibility you have. Its not a burden and some cultures actually embrace a child with special needs and a good father will not complain financially as you do. Your life is based on sacrifice for those kids.

I shook his hand and asked him to leave please and to never call me again. He never did, but I hope he thought about what I said. The best thing he has going for him as a man is he wont divorce for the children. He just needs to fix his attitude about what is a family.
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