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Is this person really my friend?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 7th August 2017, 8:44 AM   #1
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Is this person really my friend?

I currently work part-time in a grocery store, where I've been for over a year, but I'm soon moving to another state to begin my career. I've never really had friends, as I've almost always suffered from mild social anxiety and a fear of rejection, so this has kept me from reaching out.


I did become friends with a co-worker, however, and once considered him a pretty good friend. He used to say a lot of really nice things about me which I'd never heard from anyone before, such as that I'm funny and a really cool guy. It honestly felt great to have a friend, and a couple of times he did suggest grabbing a beer after work, though it didn't work out on my end.


I did work up the nerve to text him last week and suggested hanging, but received no reply. So last night I asked him in person and there was a somewhat long gap in reply -- he said "Yeah, we can hang one day. If you text me one night and I'm home alone, I'd probably meet you for a beer. I'm a busy person."


I'm not going to ask again before I move, and I frankly wouldn't hang with the guy even if he suggested it. I just couldn't help feel that this reply was a way of saying that his hanging with me is doing me some sort of favor, or at the very least that hanging out with me is just one cut above being home alone and doing absolutely nothing. It's just weird to me, because this person has said many times that he considers me his friend, but then I have to wonder if that is really the case.


Thoughts?
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Old 7th August 2017, 8:56 AM   #2
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as the saying goes

"freinds are for a season or a reason"

most people have just a few friends, anyway, he gave you good feedback and now the reason/season to be in touch is over, just don't forget that good feedback

this is what life is like sometimes, solitude occurs

Last edited by darkmoon; 7th August 2017 at 9:00 AM..
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Old 7th August 2017, 9:00 AM   #3
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Hi! Did you try calling him?

Text could appear harsher than call sometimes.
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Old 7th August 2017, 9:24 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PKrueger24 View Post
I did become friends with a co-worker, however, and once considered him a pretty good friend. He used to say a lot of really nice things about me which I'd never heard from anyone before, such as that I'm funny and a really cool guy. It honestly felt great to have a friend, and a couple of times he did suggest grabbing a beer after work, though it didn't work out on my end.


I did work up the nerve to text him last week and suggested hanging, but received no reply. So last night I asked him in person and there was a somewhat long gap in reply -- he said "Yeah, we can hang one day. If you text me one night and I'm home alone, I'd probably meet you for a beer. I'm a busy person."


Thoughts?
There was a huge communications gap here.

This coworker does not know you never had a friend before or that you have social anxiety. Did you ever compliment him back?

He asked you to go for beers a few times but "it didn't work out on your end." Does that mean that you never went? If so he thinks you rejected him over & over. You basically blew him off. Whether you meant to or not, that is how he perceived this.

Now when you reached out because he has been feeling rejected by you, he rejected right back. Now you are saying you would never hang out with him. You are cutting your nose off despite your face.

Next time you are at work together, after shift apologize to him & tell him why getting beers didn't "work out on your end." Offer to make it up to him by buying him a beer right then & there at the closest place.
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Old 7th August 2017, 1:16 PM   #5
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He is not interested in you and he really didn't leave any doubt about it. He did the bare minimum to be polite but at the same time made it clear he's "too busy" to be doing this.
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Old 8th August 2017, 10:49 AM   #6
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He's not interested in hanging out with you, most likely because you already rejected him a few times.
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Old 8th August 2017, 5:12 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
He's not interested in hanging out with you, most likely because you already rejected him a few times.
I agree with above posts. Hes not intersted.

Your young and move on. You are young right?

Statistically I dont see why ppl under age 30-35 have dating probs. Guys and Gals are a plenty to date and meet.

Hit 40+ and get back to me. Its a nightmare I tell you.
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