Am I overreacting?

[dreamersreverie]

Hey there! So I had this friend, I considered a good friend for quite some time until recently. We've shared a lot of personal stories and confided in one another in times of emotional turmoil. So our friendship felt comfortable and solid. Fast forward, for the past few times I've been hanging out with this friend they mainly only discuss two topics "work" and "family" for hours on end. They only discuss their frustrations and focus on the negative. I've tried listening and being understanding because things aren't entirely fair on her end but at the same time the conversation gets boring and tiring. Regardless, I try to be a good friend and offer advice and solace because she has for me in the past. At the same time, when I have a chance to speak and share what's going on in my last (backstory: we used to work together, but now work at separate places) it's like she doesn't care. She will ignore me or turn her head to focus on something else. She'll just mutter "Uh-huh, uh-huh" or not even acknowledge that I'm talking at all. I haven't told her that yet, at first I decided it's the first time it's happened. So maybe it was just that day, but the next few times it continued. So I started to realize this friendship is feeling one sided. She doesn't even bother to ask me how I am or what's going on in my life. It's like when she talks, it's all about her.

 

Another time, when we were hanging out at this event I told her I wasn't feeling well and asked if we could sit for five more minutes. She didn't show an ounce of sympathy and was like we should go now. Mind you, I was feeling sick to my stomach and told her I needed to sit down because I was feeling faint and nauseous.

 

Fast forward, I decided to hold onto the friendship because of the past we have together but this really did it for me. I asked if she would celebrate my birthday with me, because unfortunately, my immediate family is going on a vacation on my birthday. I'm not invited. And it made me feel like ****. I told her that, and she said "definitely! we can hang out after I'm done with work."

I texted her two-three days beforehand to confirm and she said she couldn't because she had family obligations. She apologized and I accepted. I was just sort of hurt that she didn't tell me as soon as she found out she had the obligations...like wouldn't you say something once you found out? Or would she have told me last minute? Regardless, on the day of my birthday she didn't contact me not once to wish me a happy birthday. And for me this is A BIG DEAL considering what I told her was happening. You'd think a good friend would CARE. Anyway, I was speaking with another friend who wished me happy birthday and was talking to me about other things. She also works with that "good" friend and told me she asked her to hangout. She declined and said " Sorry, I can't I'm going to dinner with [me] for her birthday." Where she replied, "Oh yeah, I know it's her birthday...but something came up.". LIKE WOW, REALLY?! And then she texted me around 10 p.m. to see if I could hang out and still didn't say happy birthday, she made the text all about her. Like I just wanted this ONE day. That's all. I never replied back and seven days later she texted "hey."

 

So anyway, am I overreacting? How should I handle this situation because honestly I don't want to be friends anymore.

Edited July 29, 2017 by dreamersreverie

[LivingWaterPlease]

Sounds as if you need some space from this friend. Why not take some time off from the friendship?

 

Also, has she always been so self centered?

 

I have a close person in my life right now who only talks about him/herself. He's/She's going through a really rough time right now so I'm not expecting anything out of the person at all. Maybe your friend's life right now is to rough that she isn't able to deal with anything except her own issues.

 

However, the part that bothered me most is that when you were sick she wouldn't allow you to sit down to rest.

 

Maybe it's time to find some new friends.

[dreamersreverie]

I did take some time off from the friendship because whenever we would hang out all she would do is complain and complain. We hang out and talk a lot less than before. In the beginning, she wasn't so self-centered we could communicate and the conversation wouldn't be one-sided and there was a range of topics we could discuss. But now it's dying. I mean I feel like I made space for about 3-4 months and it's still the same issue. At work, I've heard from friends that she's been really rude, bossy and inconsiderate. And those acquaintances/friends which I don't consider that close, have been better friends than she has. So I'm not the only one dealing with it but it does suck because losing a friendship always does.

 

And another thing I forgot to mention, is when I would text her sometimes just to check up on her, she would just give one word replies like "yeah" or "okay" or just not reply at all. And when I got a new job and some other good things happened, no congratulations or anything. I completely forgot about that until now. I feel like I always try to be a considerate person, and whenever I feel like I'm talking about myself too much I'll start asking about the other person and how they're doing.

 

 

Anyway, thank you

[ForMyGuy]

I agree, some space will do well. Also, as much as it hurts, sometimes friendships don't last forever, and that's ok. There's there's people coming and going in our lives and we just haven't seen it yet.

[basil67]

How often does this friend initiate hanging out with you? I'm trying to get a gauge on whether or not the friendship is working for her.

[dreamersreverie]

She's usually the initiator aside from the most recent incident.

[basil67]

She's usually the initiator aside from the most recent incident.

 

Hmmm It's all very strange. I can understand your confusion.