LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

Bestfriend acting differently and suddenly want space, said clingy and obsessed


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree19Likes
  • 1 Post By d0nnivain
  • 2 Post By preraph
  • 1 Post By healing light
  • 5 Post By Merilindes
  • 4 Post By dawnsanders54
  • 1 Post By preraph
  • 1 Post By PianistProdigy
  • 1 Post By preraph
  • 1 Post By healing light
  • 1 Post By basil67
  • 1 Post By Merilindes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 26th July 2017, 12:28 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
Unhappy Bestfriend acting differently and suddenly want space, said clingy and obsessed

Hello everyone this is my first post.

My bestfriend and I been knowing each other for 6 years. We met online gaming system, became gaming buddies. We have our ups and down but when we do we never stay mad at each for too long. After year being friend we got close and because best friends. I'm 21 and she's 20 about be 21. Last year she asked me if I like her more than a friend and I said yes, at that time she didn't see us being in relationship. Well she didn't won't to ruin the friendship. But when she was in relationship she did like me more than a friend. Throughout our friendship, my feelings for her will come and go. But one day it took me a while to accept that she just wanted the friendship and nothing more and I would always hope maybe I have a chance with her.

Anyways I'm currently over her and I just value the friendship and at first I was obsessed with her few months ago in April 2017 when had feelings for her, but now I just value the friendship. So, in the month of May 2017 she told me was going be busy ahead time month of June, July, August and September. But when that time came didn't exact know what day you know. Their was one time where we got into agrument on June 10th said I can't handle how busy she is, I was bit worried about our friendship and wanted to see why she was being bit cold and distant she text me saying "Bruh we're fine. We're still best friends. I do not need to call you if it isn't IMPORTANT. NO im not saying our friendship isnt important im just saying I have other things going on that im not gonna talk about because its not your business. I have family members in my house and in my room 24/7 i refuse to call you and talk to you or anyone while im with my cousins because they are nosey. We can talk later". Well I said okay and she called me two days later. When we talk on the phone it be 2-4 hrs we have a great time.

So July 17th she didn't answer my call, only called twice.

Then next morning I text her saying " Goodmorning, called you because it was important" she reply saying she at work. I said
Right ik, but this bs, ain't cool either what you doing to me you can at least have some curiosity but I'm let u work, have a good day! She said " Being busy isn't bs, now don't even care. Then I said sorry you right and ask her what am doing wrong and ask do she want space? She said
So you're being clingy as **** cause you want to talk to me. It doesnt go that way, just wait until i talk to you ****. Just leave me alone.

i decide to step back and focus on me. But 6 days later I did something dumb I message her from another Kik account and reasons did it to see if I was only that she didn't won't talk to but unfortunately she knew who it was so she message me yesterday saying

" don't send me messages on different account, if I don't wanna talk I don't wanna talk"

i reply saying "Why are you pushing me away? Just going just drop me like that. Put me on back burner as if no longer exist to you. Only call check in to see how you are last week but when call u assume me being clingy only because I care about you, idk what change between us and our friendship.


If you don't won't be bestfriend or have friendship with me, you need to be honest say how u feel because this not to fair to someone who care about u and value the friendship.

she reply saying " If you respect my space then give me some ****ing space and stop making accounts just to text me like dude i know your ****ing typing i know when its you im just asking you to leave me alone Im busy just wait it out dude talk to someone else im not pushing you away im trying to get my **** together and you're over here stressing me out just leave me alone and wait until i text you bc im seriously about to block you and change my number. Its kind of getting past the point of you really just being obsessed with me and I'm like not even ****ing around, like you weird dude.

After she said that I felt so bad, never wanted to stressed her out or even getting to this point. I felt such horrible bestfriend that maybe she now hates, dislike me or even replaced me.

But what's y'all advice? Do you think she will contact me when she done being busy? In her reply is that her way saying she don't won't friendship or me being her bestfriend? She has these times cycle where she can be bitchy, stubborn but I still accept her and only one she consider of treating her well. I don't won't lose her as bestfriend and she consider me like family even though we aren't blood, we have that family connection. I just feel like she don't care about me anymore and I know took part of pushing it to her limit when she just explode but me being to caring and also fact i miss her when told me leave alone is why it got to this point.
PianistProdigy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 12:07 PM   #2
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 24,699
For whatever reason your friendship is no longer a priority for her. At this point she has gotten angry with you for repeatedly contacting her, making other accounts & she has a very negative opinion of you.


She may contact you in the future but I highly doubt it. Best case scenario she will continue to see you playing the game where you met & having fun. In that context, she may offer to play with you but I doubt she'll reach out independently on any platform not connected to the game.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 1:23 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,453
Nobody likes needy clingy desperate people posing as friends when they're really wanting more. It's so disrespectful to just disregard what she asked you to do, which was back off because she's busy. She told you early on she didn't want anything more and you seem to have ignored that or spinned it to what you wanted to believe. You've been really pushy and out of line and I honestly think she should and will eventually will block you. I do not think you are her best friend at all. I think she was trying to stop having to give you so much attention because she's tired of it and you wouldn't respect that at all and act like she doesn't have the right to no longer want frequent contact with you. So she will probably eventually just have to block you.

My advice in a nutshell is she isn't your best friend, and she has no obligation to continue being your friend, and you need to just leave her alone.
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 3:15 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: California
Posts: 167
You've smothered her. She is really stressed out with personal matters and you've added to that sense of pressure around her and made her situation all about you when it very likely had nothing to do with you initially.

I had a boyfriend I had to break up with for this reason--any time I had major things going on (like my father dying, etc.--and even when I didn't) he would cause drama and require way more attention. Then I had to not only deal with my crap but also soothe him when I was the one who needed emotional support. He couldn't handle giving me any amount of space. It got to the point where I felt smothered to death and annoyed at the thought of him.

Unfortunately, I think that's what happened here--she seems creeped out, even. And honestly, if you were truly her best friend you would give her what she needs and wouldn't have taken any of her withdrawal or requests for space personally. I would venture to say if you had a full life outside of her you wouldn't have noticed much and if you did it would not have been emotionally devastating or impacted you to the degree that it clearly did.

However, if you weren't really over her (which I don't believe you are), then I could see where you would go through cycles of being angry and resentful at changes in her communication because friendship is not what you really want.

Time to be honest with yourself about this one. I don't think she's coming back. The best thing you can do--and this is no guarantee but it's as much for you as it is for her--is to leave her alone. That's the only way--the only way--there's even a chance she might come back.
healing light is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 5:23 PM   #5
New Member
 
Merilindes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
Simply put, you crossed a line. Her real life has her attention right now. She told you that from June - Sept that her life was going to be busy. You completely disregarded that and made it about you and your feelings. She's not your girlfriend.

My best friend and I met on a 3D avatar chat 10 years ago. He lives in Canada while I live in the USA. We both try to be there for each other while we can but sometimes life gets in the way. There have been times where we did not talk for 6 months.

When my life gets hectic, I always warn him. He knows I'll reach out with a 'Hey, how are ya?' when I can and if he doesn't hear from me for a while, he'll send one. And he does the same for me. Difference is we realize that there will be times that our real life is more important than online.

You need to take a step back and realize that if you keep acting the way you're acting, she's going to block you.
Merilindes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2017, 9:14 AM   #6
New Member
 
dawnsanders54's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2
Move On

As someone on the receiving end of an overbearing "friend" I can relate to her. I've come to realize that I do not need to worry that I'm not immediately answering her texts or one of her 50 phone calls every day. She is married with no kids. I'm a divorced mom with two kids. She can't understand why I can't drop everything to do what she wants to do.

The last straw was when she bought tickets for a weekend bus trip to NYC. Guilted me in to going. Had me purchase tour bus tickets ($200) and Top of the Rock tickets ($150) then decides she doesn't want to ride the bus around town, she'd rather walk and that it was too foggy to go to the Top of the Rock. I couldn't get my money back on either item. I explained to her about this and how that money could've been used for my kids & all she could say was...could we change the subject, we had fun.

NO, I didn't. It rained most of the day and we walked in it. My legs were swollen and we walked more. I had chemical burns on my legs from what NYC uses on their streets. Did she care? No. But she always turns things around to make it sound as if it's all my fault & I'm the bad friend.

The best thing for you to do is to move on. Respect your future friends boundaries. Don't bombard people with calls and texts after they repeatedly ask you to stop. Maybe spend some time alone and learn how to love yourself and be a friend to yourself. Then you will be able to find friendships that will last a lifetime. I have friends I've known since kindergarten and we don't have to see or speak to each other every day to know that if we needed help all we'd have to do is call.
dawnsanders54 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2017, 1:03 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,453
^^^ Ugh.

and may I just say what a cute doggie!
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2017, 10:55 PM   #8
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
For whatever reason your friendship is no longer a priority for her. At this point she has gotten angry with you for repeatedly contacting her, making other accounts & she has a very negative opinion of you.


She may contact you in the future but I highly doubt it. Best case scenario she will continue to see you playing the game where you met & having fun. In that context, she may offer to play with you but I doubt she'll reach out independently on any platform not connected to the game.
Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Nobody likes needy clingy desperate people posing as friends when they're really wanting more. It's so disrespectful to just disregard what she asked you to do, which was back off because she's busy. She told you early on she didn't want anything more and you seem to have ignored that or spinned it to what you wanted to believe. You've been really pushy and out of line and I honestly think she should and will eventually will block you. I do not think you are her best friend at all. I think she was trying to stop having to give you so much attention because she's tired of it and you wouldn't respect that at all and act like she doesn't have the right to no longer want frequent contact with you. So she will probably eventually just have to block you.

My advice in a nutshell is she isn't your best friend, and she has no obligation to continue being your friend, and you need to just leave her alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by healing light View Post
You've smothered her. She is really stressed out with personal matters and you've added to that sense of pressure around her and made her situation all about you when it very likely had nothing to do with you initially.

I had a boyfriend I had to break up with for this reason--any time I had major things going on (like my father dying, etc.--and even when I didn't) he would cause drama and require way more attention. Then I had to not only deal with my crap but also soothe him when I was the one who needed emotional support. He couldn't handle giving me any amount of space. It got to the point where I felt smothered to death and annoyed at the thought of him.

Unfortunately, I think that's what happened here--she seems creeped out, even. And honestly, if you were truly her best friend you would give her what she needs and wouldn't have taken any of her withdrawal or requests for space personally. I would venture to say if you had a full life outside of her you wouldn't have noticed much and if you did it would not have been emotionally devastating or impacted you to the degree that it clearly did.

However, if you weren't really over her (which I don't believe you are), then I could see where you would go through cycles of being angry and resentful at changes in her communication because friendship is not what you really want.

Time to be honest with yourself about this one. I don't think she's coming back. The best thing you can do--and this is no guarantee but it's as much for you as it is for her--is to leave her alone. That's the only way--the only way--there's even a chance she might come back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Merilindes View Post
Simply put, you crossed a line. Her real life has her attention right now. She told you that from June - Sept that her life was going to be busy. You completely disregarded that and made it about you and your feelings. She's not your girlfriend.

My best friend and I met on a 3D avatar chat 10 years ago. He lives in Canada while I live in the USA. We both try to be there for each other while we can but sometimes life gets in the way. There have been times where we did not talk for 6 months.

When my life gets hectic, I always warn him. He knows I'll reach out with a 'Hey, how are ya?' when I can and if he doesn't hear from me for a while, he'll send one. And he does the same for me. Difference is we realize that there will be times that our real life is more important than online.

You need to take a step back and realize that if you keep acting the way you're acting, she's going to block you.
Thanks for taken the time read a long essay and replying. I realized I was being selfish, clingy, needy. And I should have placed myself in her shoes and see things from her point of view. And that giving friend space is very important because everyone goes through a rough path in life and they want to be alone to figure things out. So, if she does contact going see if possible repair our friendship. First, going have a brief conversation on my mistakes, be a better best friend and also apologize for my actions. But that was my best friend and I was considered one of her closest friends. I know things are different now, since what I did.

She will always have that negative thought about me in the back of her head of what I did. Only way sees us getting past this if she forgives me for my actions, then I have to make sure I respect her wishes next time. I take responsibility for my actions for being and that I played a part of her being furious and agitated. And just thinking about I would have been annoyed and furious if a friend did exactly what I did. So best thing do is to think first then place me in her shoes, to see a clear point of view. This is a lesson learned for me, and an eye opener of my negative needy selfish action.

I do miss her and hope maybe get second chance or maybe we could work something out repair the friendship. Thanks again everyone for yall opinions and advice.
preraph likes this.
PianistProdigy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th July 2017, 12:26 PM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,453
Good luck. Hope you find a happy middle ground.
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th July 2017, 3:41 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: California
Posts: 167
If you're going to apologize to her, wait until she contacts you--if she does. Anything more from your end in the mean time will just push her away.
preraph likes this.
healing light is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2017, 11:14 PM   #11
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by healing light View Post
If you're going to apologize to her, wait until she contacts you--if she does. Anything more from your end in the mean time will just push her away.
It's only been 6 days no word from her. But I'm giving it a month, so if she doesn't reach out to me then I'm assuming she drop me and the friendship is over. Hard part not knowing how long should give her space, I know made the mistake of being pushy. This first time in our friendship she ever asked for space. I would hate to lose her as a close friend but life goes on, nothing last forever, its just fact values her so much and we know each other like a book.
PianistProdigy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2017, 12:51 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 7,097
I disagree that you should wait for her to contact you in order to apologise. Apologise whenever you want - just make sure you take full responsibility for your actions and don't ask anything of her in your message. Eg; avoid by finishing up saying something like "I hope we can be friends again."

Let her come to you if and when she's ready.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2017, 8:44 AM   #13
New Member
 
Merilindes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
If you want to apologize, do so without expecting anything from her in return.

And say, hypothetically, that the friendship is over. The way I have always thought of it is that some people are only meant to be in your life temporarily. Now whether they add something or are completely horrible all depends on the person.
preraph likes this.
Merilindes is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
He was so lovely to me when I last saw him and now he's acting differently recycledheart Dating 1 1st February 2015 9:21 AM
my bestfriend for years suddenly acting weird emi Friends and Lovers 0 1st August 2013 10:49 AM
Acting differently when drinking? easyy Dating 5 25th March 2012 5:39 PM
MM Acting Differently liswil The Other Man / Woman 4 29th September 2004 9:35 PM
Best Guy Friend Acting Differently fallenangel666 Friends and Lovers 1 26th August 2004 9:49 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:07 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.