LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

Does she need to know?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree8Likes
  • 1 Post By Superchicken
  • 1 Post By preraph
  • 1 Post By Carpe Diem
  • 4 Post By Steve51
  • 1 Post By Elswyth
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 25th July 2017, 5:06 AM   #1
Member
 
Novz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 82
Does she need to know?

I just want to know your comments about what I experienced 5 years ago with my friend.

This friend of mine has been my friend since I was in 6th grade. She transferred school when we were in 2nd year High school. We never stopped communicating although seldom but our closeness did not change at all.

Until 5 years ago.
I was in College when I created a close (but not intimate) friendship with a man who turned into a mentor. My family knew about him, so was my boyfriend. The friendship was really important to me because he is one of the kindest man I ever met online. He never asked anything but friendship. On our 2nd year of being friends, he started sending me gifts like books, cards, some school materials (since I was studying then).

These has overwhelmed me and I shared it with that friend from 6th grade. I told her I feel so blessed to be given respect and kindness by my mentor.
I vowed to protect my online friend and keep him away from those who takes advantage of him.

Months passed and I was so surprise to see my friend return to our province. I was very happy to reunite with her after many years of being apart. We spent some great time. After she left, I shared my friend's surprise to my mentor.

I was so shocked with what he revealed.
Without malice, my mentor confessed that he was the one who paid for the vacation of my friend! He even paid for an (minor) eye surgery that my friend told him about.

Honestly, I felt numb after knowing all of it. I did not confess to my friend until now that I know what she did to my mentor but I somehow bluffed her about the eye surgery to confirm if she really undergone it.

She told me she has never been into any eye procedure. Her eyes are perfectly fine! That's where I really got so disappointed in her, embarrassed to my mentor, and got mad about her lying.

She clearly used my mentor to get some money. I hate to admit that my own friend did it to him.

I told my mentor about the bluff and he could not believe either how he was lied at to pour out some cash to her.

Ever since that day, my feelings towards my friend becomes less trusting. But I keep the friendship because when we were in HS, she was so nice to me. Still, my heart cease to see her trustworthiness after what she did.

My mentor is still my friend for 8 years now and I can't wait to meet and thank him in person one day. I am very grateful for his acceptance of me despite what my own friend did to him. I am glad that he remained.

I also advice my mentor to be vigilant to the preying eyes of anyone who introduces themselves as friend but has other motives. I regret that I have not protected him from my friend. I don't want him to be taken advantage again.


Is there a need to tell my friend about what I discovered 5 years ago? I have moved on, but have not forgotten.
__________________
There's a Time For Everything Ecclesiastes 3

Last edited by Novz; 25th July 2017 at 5:11 AM..
Novz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th July 2017, 11:50 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Superchicken's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Farm in Australia
Posts: 422
Why do you ask us ?.
It is your decision as to what you must do.
You need to look at what will make you feel at peace (Great, now I sound like Confucius).
At the end of the day, what will make you feel OK ?.
Make a decision, one way or the other.
Maybe spend a whole day on each answer, looking at what the ramifications each one may bring.


Then decide on your path.. Grasshopper (Sorry, that's from Kung Fu, T.V series).




Its not up to us to make your decision.




Ted
Novz likes this.
__________________
Never fear, Superchicken is here.
Superchicken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th July 2017, 1:55 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,431
You should just not be friends with the friend who decided to betray you and prey on your kind mentor. And then just move on. I do wonder if a future husband or serious boyfriend is going to approve of this mentor or not.
Novz likes this.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th July 2017, 11:52 PM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 27
This isn't an answer, just a question I was wondering after reading your post.

8 years is a long time to have never met someone. You say that you're looking forward to meeting him. If he can afford to pay for your friends vacation and a non-existent eye surgery, why in 8 years has he never paid to come see you, or you him?
O'Malley likes this.
Carpe Diem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 12:43 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Steve51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: South USA
Posts: 288
You shouldn't have to protect a grown man from anything. It also seems that you never considered that your mentor was lying and believed him over your friend. It is not uncommon for men and women to make up lies to destroy friendships so that they have more attention from the liar. Have you ever heard of Svengali? If not, Google it. You may have such a mentor.
Steve51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 9:45 AM   #6
Member
 
Novz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Superchicken View Post
At the end of the day, what will make you feel OK ?.
Make a decision, one way or the other.
Maybe spend a whole day on each answer, looking at what the ramifications each one may bring.


Then decide on your path.. Grasshopper (Sorry, that's from Kung Fu, T.V series).

Ted
Hi, Ted a.k.a confucious . I need to correct myself, I guess I am more like sharing the betrayal done to me in the past than asking for what must be done.

Thank you for sheding me some light. I know It is me who will a decisition in the end. Despite you telling me that, I don't regret posting or venting out here. Thanks again Ted 😄
Novz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 9:51 AM   #7
Member
 
Novz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
You should just not be friends with the friend who decided to betray you and prey on your kind mentor. And then just move on. I do wonder if a future husband or serious boyfriend is going to approve of this mentor or not.
Thanks, Pre! Both my mentor and boyfriend don't like me hanging again with my friend neither. They warned me to be extra careful with her.

I'll take 1 point for move on 😄 T.Y.

Yes!! Fortunately it's working well in my case. I fact, my fiance is as eager as me in our future plan to visit my mentor. I think it's doing fine because I never kept ny friendship with my mentor from my boyfriend.
My mentor treats me like his child as he is childless. While he treats my family his family and my fiance his brother.
Novz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 10:28 AM   #8
Member
 
Novz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve51 View Post
You shouldn't have to protect a grown man from anything. It also seems that you never considered that your mentor was lying and believed him over your friend. It is not uncommon for men and women to make up lies to destroy friendships so that they have more attention from the liar. Have you ever heard of Svengali? If not, Google it. You may have such a mentor.


According to google:

Svengali is a person who completely dominates another, usually with selfish or sinister motives. Origin of Svengali. 1940-1945. First recorded in 1940-45; after the evil hypnotist of the same name in the novel Trilby (1894) by George Du Maurier.

Fortunately He is not that kind of person. He is rare because he has guided me, gave very realistic advice, Sincere, Honest, and have the same faith as mine.

Ironically my mentor has more sincerity in his heart than my own friend.

I appreciate your comment Steve. Thank you
Novz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 10:54 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Elswyth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 24,512
Why are you so sure that your 'mentor' is telling the truth and your friend is the one who is bluffing?

And even if what he said was true, what did she do wrong besides lying to you? She has only accepted gifts, same as what you did. No one is twisting his arm or coercing him to do this. It's not like she's blackmailing him using information that you gave her or anything.
Novz likes this.
__________________
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-
Elswyth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th July 2017, 10:39 PM   #10
Member
 
Novz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
Why are you so sure that your 'mentor' is telling the truth and your friend is the one who is bluffing?

And even if what he said was true, what did she do wrong besides lying to you? She has only accepted gifts, same as what you did. No one is twisting his arm or coercing him to do this. It's not like she's blackmailing him using information that you gave her or anything.
Because It's not the only first time my friend did that. She actually had money issues. I don'r want to drag her past relationships but I saw her in a relstionship with a decent guy before. Realized later that she was after the benefits ( free foods, free rides, feee gifts) I was scared that's she's doing it again to someone else.

While, my mentor has never asked anything but friendship and guide my decisions in life. At one point he made me realize ny mistake and make me apologize. He shapes me into a better person. And corrects me when I am wrong.

I was the one who bluff my friend. My mentor sent a printscreend messages of their chat. That's where I saw and read my friend taking advantage of my mentor.
Novz is offline   Reply With Quote
 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:24 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.