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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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  • 2 Post By doyathinkso
  • 1 Post By stillafool
  • 2 Post By Knight23
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Old 23rd July 2017, 9:35 AM   #1
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Bad Friend

Ok so basically I liked this guy, I told him and he said he thought I was very attractive and likes me but doesn't want a relationship. We agreed that we would still like to see each other from time to time rather than lose contact so he comes out for certain events etc. There is a girl who moved in where I live now and I have now known her for a year, I introduced them, and we have all been going out in a group now and then. I told her about the flirtation with my guy friend and that I really liked him, she suggested I date Toni instead, another friend. Since then I noticed she kept trying to arrange events with me and my guyfriend, to have dinners. or the cinema. I never thought much about it as she has a boyfriend, but thought she was really flirty with him when we were out. She also never invites her boyfriend out when she knows my guy friend is going to be there. The problem is me and my guy friend were starting to get on well recently, I think she found out we met and was asking a lot of questions. We all went out and it was getting late and we decided to get the train home. I said goodbye to my guy friend, and then he said to her did she still want to watch a movie, and then they just walked off quickly. I was surprised, she had a smile on her face and it was as if she didnít care. The next day she e-mailed to say she hopes I didnít get the wrong idea about last night, I asked her straight if anything was going on and she said that she is attracted to my guy friend and would have sex with him, but she said as she is in an open relationship with her boyfriend, so she is emotionally attached to him, but is allowed to have sex with other people. She said she asked my guy friend to meet in the week, she told me they discussed their relationship status and she told him she was in an open relationship. She said they then pre arranged Friday already, it seems funny her her boyfriend was in Italy on that night. After we had spoken I then received another e-mail to say she had phoned my guy friend and asked him if he has feeling for her, or me. I was in shock,basically he said that he canít become involved with anyone at the moment and he doesnít have feelings for her but can only tell if he is physically attracted. I went to speak to her about her mail and she said as there isnít any emotional attachment they agreed they will continue to see each other. Now I donít know what is going on and find it weird. She has also let me down in the past as a friend, being unreliable. Should I become distant with her? Has she done anything wrong? What should I do about my guy friend, should I distance myself or just carry on meeting him as usual and not mention their hook up? What if he gets emotionally involved with her? I donít even know what she has told him about me. Do you think they both just want to just have sex with each other. Do you think my guy friend has done anything wrong in the situation. He flirts with her too ,but she initiates it. Please help! Thank you!

Last edited by emmajane77; 23rd July 2017 at 10:04 AM..
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Old 23rd July 2017, 11:47 AM   #2
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You should become distant with both of them.

She is not good friend material. He is not good relationship material.

Do yourself a favour.
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Old 23rd July 2017, 11:55 AM   #3
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He wants to bang her or he wouldn't have invited her (without you) to go back and watch a movie. She has expressed interest in sex with him. It is only a matter of time before they do it. It is going to hurt you when they do so I think you should drop them both. Did he ever try to have sex with you?
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Old 23rd July 2017, 12:01 PM   #4
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Neither of them seem like very good people to maintain any sort of friendship/relationship with.

Ditch both of them. This is just going to be toxic for you, and will hurt even more in the long run.
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Old 23rd July 2017, 12:13 PM   #5
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You really don't need friends that will make you feel bad about yourself. Once they start hooking up (if they haven't already), you are going to feel like s*$#. Just fade from them and make an effort to befriend some new people.
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Old 23rd July 2017, 12:33 PM   #6
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Hi thanks guys, this is what I thought, although it will be hard I think it will be for the best and will save me any more pain and drama. I can't believe it really! Yes I will fade on them. Stillafool, when we first met, he also asked to watch a movie with me and I thought he was going to try it on and then he either changed his mind of freaked out, then he was a bit hot and cold with me. We chatted months later and discussed attraction and I said that it would be a bad idea if we sleep together as it will ruin our friendship, he thought it wouldn't but I just left it like that as I didn't want to get emotionally attached to him if he can't commit. Thank you! :-)
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Old 23rd July 2017, 2:03 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emmajane77 View Post
Hi thanks guys, this is what I thought, although it will be hard I think it will be for the best and will save me any more pain and drama. I can't believe it really! Yes I will fade on them. Stillafool, when we first met, he also asked to watch a movie with me and I thought he was going to try it on and then he either changed his mind of freaked out, then he was a bit hot and cold with me. We chatted months later and discussed attraction and I said that it would be a bad idea if we sleep together as it will ruin our friendship, he thought it wouldn't but I just left it like that as I didn't want to get emotionally attached to him if he can't commit. Thank you! :-)
You should have cut him off then because as you can see by remaining friends with him you are still emotionally attached or you wouldn't care if they hooked up.
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Old 23rd July 2017, 2:11 PM   #8
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Hi Stillafool. Yes I see. Thank you for your advice.
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Old 23rd July 2017, 2:47 PM   #9
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I don't think you need a friend like that who's going to prey on people she know you are "working on." And who didn't bother to tell you she and her bf have an open relationship until it was convenient for her. So she's probably lying about that and hoping it won't get back to her bf. So I'd be sure and tell him "well, that's interesting what _____ told me about you two having an open relationship."


As for the guy, I'd either go at him full throttle or I'd distance myself until whatever is going on with her is over. If she told him her relationship is open, he probably thinks she's a dirtbag by now. But that doesn't mean he won't sleep with her. It's too easy.
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Old 24th July 2017, 10:11 AM   #10
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Hi Preraph, your message really made me laugh and cheered me up. It has put things into perspective. Thank you!
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Old 24th July 2017, 2:58 PM   #11
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I once had a married man tell me that he was in an open relationship, and their agreement was that she was cool with it "as long as she didn't know about it."

Something tells me your friend has a similar arrangement.

In the least, I would ditch her.
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Old 24th July 2017, 6:00 PM   #12
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Yeah, save yourself some misery. Had the same thing happen to me few years ago, came home from holidays and found out a "friend" (who also had a boyfriend at the time) was banging my love prospect. Ended up badly for everyone, she proved to be completely unreliable, insecure and overly dramatic, he turned out to be a commitment-phobic egoist. The poor boyfriend still knows nothing.

I don't know how old you are but this situations tend to happen a LOT between ages of 18 to late 20s. People are figuring themselves out, don't know what they want, everyone wants to try open relationships... lots of drama in shared friend groups... my advice would be for you to concentrate more on people that make YOU feel good and wanted, and politely avoid all this incoming drama that will inevitably happen. That way you save your dignity. Continue dating.

Good luck.

Last edited by Aayla; 24th July 2017 at 6:04 PM..
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Old 25th July 2017, 10:10 AM   #13
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Hi thanks for your responses. Healing Light, yes maybe this is their arrangement as I don't think that he would be overjoyed about it if he knew who it was, and it is weird that in the past she has never invited her boyfriend out when my guy friend has been invited out. Aayla, I am sorry to hear that, it is very hard to deal with when it is people you cared about and trusted. Yes you are right, I am a bit older than both of them and I have been a witness to this drama. I think when you get to 30, you know yourself a bit more. Yes thank you, it is a lesson to nurture good friendships and relationships, I don't need others in my life. Thank you.

Last edited by emmajane77; 25th July 2017 at 10:13 AM..
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