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Why do some women seem to hate me?


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Old 18th July 2017, 2:58 PM   #1
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Why do some women seem to hate me?

Some women just seem to dislike me and I can't figure out why. I am a little different admittedly, I have a little social anxiety (which I'm getting better at hiding as time goes on). I get told (often by men) that I'm funny and I do have a good group of female friends, so I'm no t one of those women who has no friends at all. But I struggle to make new friends and some women seem to instantly dislike me-they can be downright aggressive!

My husband always tells me it's because they are jealous of me and I do get told (by men) that I am 'beautiful' every now and then. I take this with a pinch of salt. I think I am an acquired taste, I am busty and blonde but v pale and I blush RIDICULOUSLY EASILY! I think it makes me look pathetic. I don't think I'm soooo beautiful that it would warrant other women to hate me. I'm not evenly remotely flirtatious btw, the social anxiety rules that right out!

I work in a v male dominated environment and find that I do get on with men very well. I have worked in an office dominated by women before and it was awful - seriously catty and I was not popular!

I don't have to deal with cattiness so much now, but of the women I do work with I find that they don't warm to me much. There is one in particular, she is very loud and 'bubbly'. Whenever she comes into the office she seems to gush over all the other women (hugging etc) but I think I make her really uncomfortable. When I first start working there we went out for lunch one day, I feel s little like she was trying to vet me and I failed miserably! I always try and compliment her when I see her (of course I never get one back). One time I made a comment about her new hairstyle being nice and reached out subconsciously to brush the end of it and she seemed to shrug me off, like the idea of me touching her (however lightly) was disgusting. I have noticed on Facebook that she is friends, and goes out for drinks with, a couple of other women in my company who are widely believed (I have it on good authority from my male coworkers) to be fit, so feel like the whole 'jealous because you're beautiful' argument might b a bit far fetched in my case!

There is one woman at work who is very loud and known to have offered her - ahem - services to a married man in the toilets of a pub when she was drunk. I would NEVER in a million years do something like that, but she is loads more popular than me. Does being moral, kind and funny count for nothing???
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Old 18th July 2017, 3:13 PM   #2
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Just a stab in the dark, but do you dress inappropriately at work? Do you show boob crease, for example, or wear real tight clothes? Why I bring it up is because women are not usually standoffish for zero reason IF you're in their same approximate age range, and the fact the men all like you there, well, men rarely mind if a woman is showing skin or boob at work, so that's just all I could think of. Men like it, and women think it's tacky, which at work, it IS tacky. And if you do that, they will make assumptions and gossip about why the men all like you, you know.

Other than that, it would be if you are sucking up to the men and kind of stepping on the women or trying to get up the ladder on their backs by taking advantage of men finding you attractive. And yes, blond and big boobed is pretty much what guys find attractive.

Otherwise, maybe it's a personality flaw and the guys mostly care how you look but the ladies care what your personality is like. Just taking wild guesses here, so only worry about it if the shoe fits.
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Old 18th July 2017, 3:24 PM   #3
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Is this the same office that you posted about your boss flirtin' with you and making it clear he wanted to sleep with you?

Maybe they noticed, or maybe word gets around (like you knowing some serious dirt on your coworker).
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Old 18th July 2017, 3:32 PM   #4
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Not slutty

Hi, no I don't dress provocatively. I dress appropriately for work. Defo don't have the boobs out, it's mortifying on the odd occasion when I do find men glancing there! The hair isn't dyed either btw - im not some bleach blonde bimbo.

I'm pretty passive, defo not one to suck up or step on people!

Sometimes people tell me I'm 'posh', so I don't know if I come off as houghty or something. I actually come from a pretty rough background and it annoys me when people make assumptions about me. If they'd seen me 20 years ago 'posh' is not the word they'd use!! Of course I can't really explain that to them.
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Old 18th July 2017, 3:37 PM   #5
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I would guess your social anxiety and shyness, coupled with your beauty, comes off as snobby, when you are actually very far from that.
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Old 18th July 2017, 3:42 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Is this the same office that you posted about your boss flirtin' with you and making it clear he wanted to sleep with you?

Maybe they noticed, or maybe word gets around (like you knowing some serious dirt on your coworker).
Maybe this is exactly it. Or maybe they know they're being judged for things they've done, or maybe it's the phony compliments she gives while thinking she's no suck up.

Who knows?
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Old 18th July 2017, 3:46 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Marie36 View Post
Hi, no I don't dress provocatively. I dress appropriately for work. Defo don't have the boobs out, it's mortifying on the odd occasion when I do find men glancing there! The hair isn't dyed either btw - im not some bleach blonde bimbo.

I'm pretty passive, defo not one to suck up or step on people!

Sometimes people tell me I'm 'posh', so I don't know if I come off as houghty or something. I actually come from a pretty rough background and it annoys me when people make assumptions about me. If they'd seen me 20 years ago 'posh' is not the word they'd use!! Of course I can't really explain that to them.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with grooming yourself to be more posh or whatever, but maybe some of them see through it and view you as fake. I think self-improvement is fine, but not everyone likes posh.
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Old 18th July 2017, 9:56 PM   #8
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I have a friend who is rather beautiful, very willowy, who is naturally reserved; people often mistake her for a snob, which is not the case.

I have a baby face, and am very short and somewhat clumsy...which is sometimes mistaken for naivete attracts a certain unwanted type of attention from time-to-time at work; it has taught me that I needed to be more assertive.

People, myself and you included, are always naturally taking a 'temperature' on people's moods; it is a very basic part of being a social animal. Sometimes nervous or awkward vibes can carry and make other people uncomfortable, feeling some sort of uncertainty without really knowing if it is just anxiety, dislike, or something else. But most people tend to fill in the blanks based on their own frame of mind, experience, bias, ect.
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Old 31st July 2017, 4:33 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie36 View Post
Some women just seem to dislike me and I can't figure out why. I am a little different admittedly, I have a little social anxiety (which I'm getting better at hiding as time goes on). I get told (often by men) that I'm funny and I do have a good group of female friends, so I'm no t one of those women who has no friends at all. But I struggle to make new friends and some women seem to instantly dislike me-they can be downright aggressive!

My husband always tells me it's because they are jealous of me and I do get told (by men) that I am 'beautiful' every now and then. I take this with a pinch of salt. I think I am an acquired taste, I am busty and blonde but v pale and I blush RIDICULOUSLY EASILY! I think it makes me look pathetic. I don't think I'm soooo beautiful that it would warrant other women to hate me. I'm not evenly remotely flirtatious btw, the social anxiety rules that right out!

I work in a v male dominated environment and find that I do get on with men very well. I have worked in an office dominated by women before and it was awful - seriously catty and I was not popular!

I don't have to deal with cattiness so much now, but of the women I do work with I find that they don't warm to me much. There is one in particular, she is very loud and 'bubbly'. Whenever she comes into the office she seems to gush over all the other women (hugging etc) but I think I make her really uncomfortable. When I first start working there we went out for lunch one day, I feel s little like she was trying to vet me and I failed miserably! I always try and compliment her when I see her (of course I never get one back). One time I made a comment about her new hairstyle being nice and reached out subconsciously to brush the end of it and she seemed to shrug me off, like the idea of me touching her (however lightly) was disgusting. I have noticed on Facebook that she is friends, and goes out for drinks with, a couple of other women in my company who are widely believed (I have it on good authority from my male coworkers) to be fit, so feel like the whole 'jealous because you're beautiful' argument might b a bit far fetched in my case!

There is one woman at work who is very loud and known to have offered her - ahem - services to a married man in the toilets of a pub when she was drunk. I would NEVER in a million years do something like that, but she is loads more popular than me. Does being moral, kind and funny count for nothing???
As someone who has experienced catty behaviour from females, it has largely been because they have viewed me as a snob, even though like yourself i am quite reserved. Dressing well on top of that gives off a 'posh' vibe.
Maybe it's the same in your case? They see you as a snob? I wouldn't sweat it, especially if you have a group of female friends who love you just as you are.
Narrow mindedness, jealousy and insecurity on their part is what is reflected in catty behaviour, especially if you've done nothing wrong to them.
i have never had issues like this with educated, classy women - so I think you can bank on it simply being insecurity on their part.
Just because you don't see yourself as super beautiful, doesn't mean you aren't to others.
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Old 31st July 2017, 2:58 PM   #10
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The flip side of that is if you're really just reserved but you come off like a snob, you aren't expressing yourself very well either. First impressions are often lasting impressions. So I'd advise if you're nice but reserved, you make the effort to be more friendly and smiley and approachable. It's one of those things where if the whole world is reacting, then it's not the whole world, it's you. But this is easy to fix. I was always ominous looking and I played on that. I learned to smile and be approachable later in life after looking tough and edgy wasn't going to work anymore in the general population.
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Old 31st July 2017, 3:06 PM   #11
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I find a lot of women don't like me either and it's always an instant dislike, like there and then they've decided to hate me. They are always the domineering type. Sometimes I haven't even spoken and they treat me with disdain, so obviously physical appearance is a factor in my case. Like you, I get told that I'm attractive too, I don't know, perhaps that's what it is??? Jealousy??? I think anxiety/lack of confidence is a necessary factor, as we are less likely to fight back, we are easy targets, so they bully us because they can. Maybe it's a combination of looks and anxiety.
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Old 31st July 2017, 3:44 PM   #12
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I often wonder the same thing!

No, actually I don't. And that would also be my advice to you: just don't care.

I had a job 2 years back where I was working in a group of a dozen women, almost all under the age of 25, and it was the hardest job I've ever had from the perspective of dealing with people. I later went on to become the manager, so I had to manage the zoo lol.

With women, there is a whole world of intrigue going on under my nose. Generally I prefer to keep it there. Don't get dragged in.

One thing that I found is they fall out and become best friends forever again within a week or two. If you get involved and take sides, then you get made an idiot out of.

It really is best to keep above the fray. And view it all with a slight sense of comedy.
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Old 31st July 2017, 4:11 PM   #13
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There is a strange dichotomy people face when they really want to be liked. Do they be themselves and please themselves but alienate others or do they be as they think others want and please others only to find some will find them shallow and dull?
I'm myself every single day even though many think I'm an ass. I live with it though because being liked by others is never as important to me as being authentically me.
Good luck,
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Old 31st July 2017, 4:17 PM   #14
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I think some socially anxious/awkward people can be bad at assessing body language and sometimes in an attempt to appear friendly can come across as being condescending or over-familiar, and seen as crossing acceptable boundaries.

The hair compliment with the attempt to touch I guess was seen as being over familiar and was not thus appreciated. YOU entered her personal space and as she did not view you as that close a friend she didn't like it one bit.
Had you assessed her body language correctly I guess you would never have attempted to touch her.

Also you say you are funny, but humour can be a difficult one and whilst your friends may find you hilarious, sometimes humour can sound very bad to people who do not know you and who may not see the joke.
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Old 31st July 2017, 4:55 PM   #15
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When it matters is in the workplace, not so much in the dating world, though you can get a reputation there too. If women distrust you for whatever reason in the workplace, that can really be trouble.
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