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(Not my) Unfaithful wife


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Old 4th July 2017, 9:22 PM   #1
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(Not my) Unfaithful wife

This will be a long-ish story, so stay with me, please.

A guy in my circle of friends is married with a couple kids. Prior to getting married, a few of us warned him that his wife was not faithful, but he trusted her and married her anyway. This was around 7 years ago.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I don't hang out with the dude as much as I used to. Life happens. Anyway, one day his wife messaged me on Facebook and started randomly chatting about trying to get a group of us couples out for dinner and drinks or something. Cool. Well, the messages didn't stop. She started talking to me again the next day, and then the next day, and some of those messages struck me as inappropriate. Now, with my buddy's history, I knew he wouldn't believe me if I had a chat with him about his wife, even if he saw the chat log, because an even more incriminating chat log was shown to him before. Some of the things she was saying to me also lead me to believe that I may not be the only guy that she was talking to in this way. With all this in mind, I kinda figured his wife was cheating on him, or at the very least trying to, so I decided I would set her up. I would not go out of my way to talk to her, and I would not hit on her in any way, but I would give her just enough rope to hang herself with, and when she eventually did something I could prove that even he could not ignore, I would go to my buddy with the info. To make sure I was not incriminated, I told one of our mutual friends about the entire thing, so that other people would know what I was up to.

A couple weeks of her talking to me and slowly showing more and more that her intent was to cheat, and I get some crazy news. Evidently, one day after talking to me, she wrote a suicide note to her family, made a very visible attempt at suicide, and confessed to having an emotional affair....with a completely different guy in our circle of friends. Evidently, her and yet another of her husband's friends were talking all kinds of smack online, almost all sexual stuff, and it had been going on for a month or so. She was put on a 72 hour suicide watch in the mental ward at the hospital, and her husband is upset, vowing to never talk to his old friend ever again.

Here we are. My buddy the betrayed husband is calling me asking for advice. He only knows about the conversations his wife had with our other friend, but nothing about me, and nothing about other guys that I am about 99% certain she was talking to. He is angry, but his wife is back home, and it looks like he is going to try and work things out with her. I am just thinking to myself "wow." There really is no good advice I can give this guy. I think I am gonna just bow out of the situation and not even tell him what she was saying to me. He already has chat logs of what she was saying to our other friend, and he is still gonna keep her around, so I see no point in it.

Just figured I would share the story since it's a bit of a crazy one. Be careful who you marry.
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:43 PM   #2
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Some people just aren't suited to monogamy. Sheesh. How difficult is it to just.... not enter into a monogamous relationship, if you realise you are into cheating ?

Monogamy is hard for me personally. I don't get urges to be intimate with others, but the flirting and the thrill of exploring new connections and the spark with other people ... it is a choice. It is why I personally seek out amazing chemistry. Or else I am not at all driven to lead a monogamous life. The connection has to be pretty bloody compelling, so say the least.

This woman may have borderline personality disorder. People like this are fully capable of feeling love to the same effect as you or I feel it, yet the lack the... tools to cope with situations such as monogamy.

If it isn't borderline then she is simply a pretty unfeeling sociopath if you ask me and yes sociopaths can feel feelings too lol. It is just THEIR feelings are what their life and priorities are driven by.

Either way, you either lose him as a friend by telling him.. or kept him and kee your mouth shut. Sorry

Some people are such spineless individuals....... no strength of character or integrity whatsoever

I hope she is at least hot and great in bed. For his sake
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:45 PM   #3
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People often kill the messenger when they bring unpalatable info. It sounds like he will drop all his friends before he ever questions his wife's role. Interesting that she went the very public suicide attempt route. It's possible she has an underlying personality disorder.

Still, it's not your problem to deal with. He's going to bury his head in the sand regardless of the evidence sent his way. Not much you can do in that type of situation. Let them be. Stay out of it!
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:46 PM   #4
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This woman acted inappropriately twice, within one month? Something tells me that these were nowhere near her first two rodeos.

Your friend sounds like he is in a bad situation, and what is worse, he is in a serious state of denial. He could catch her cheating himself and he'd still try to rationalize it away.
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:49 PM   #5
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If I told him what she was saying to me, he wouldn't disown me, because I didn't have an ongoing thing with her like our other friend did. The two of them were sexting and talking about hooking up. I intentionally kept my side of the conversation with her relatively innocent, just so that it would show she was the one going for me, not the other way around. Even so, I don't think it would do any good, because she said far worse to our other friend than she did me. She hinted around at hooking up with me, she sent the other guy adult pics and was inviting him over for a good time while her hubby was at work.
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:51 PM   #6
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he is in a serious state of denial. He could catch her cheating himself and he'd still try to rationalize it away.
My thoughts exactly! He could catch her in the act and he would still gobble up whatever flimsy excuse she tossed out.
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:53 PM   #7
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This woman acted inappropriately twice, within one month? Something tells me that these were nowhere near her first two rodeos.

Your friend sounds like he is in a bad situation, and what is worse, he is in a serious state of denial. He could catch her cheating himself and he'd still try to rationalize it away.
Judging by the things she was saying to me, I assume there were other guys as well. She told me that she had random guys hitting on her online and sending her penis pics, that sort of thing. What is even creepier about this whole thing to me is the fact that many of the nights she would text me and obviously try to get with me, she was sending the exact same messages to the other friend she actually got caught with. We compared conversations, and she was using the same lines on both of us. I guess she was just casting her line and seeing who would respond to her.
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:58 PM   #8
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Some people just aren't suited to monogamy. Sheesh. How difficult is it to just.... not enter into a monogamous relationship, if you realise you are into cheating ?

Monogamy is hard for me personally. I don't get urges to be intimate with others, but the flirting and the thrill of exploring new connections and the spark with other people ... it is a choice. It is why I personally seek out amazing chemistry. Or else I am not at all driven to lead a monogamous life. The connection has to be pretty bloody compelling, so say the least.
I think monogamy is hard, period. I am a bit of a smack talker by nature, and when I have a GF, I feel like I am shutting down a big part of my personality. When I meet a unique, attractive lady, I immediately start thinking of things I can say to her without even trying. It just happens. I still feel that being in a relationship the benefits outweigh the costs. I never can seem to be single for longer than 30 seconds anyway

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I hope she is at least hot and great in bed. For his sake
She is not attractive at all, but neither is her hubby.
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Old 4th July 2017, 10:02 PM   #9
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I guess she was just casting her line and seeing who would respond to her.
That's what serial cheaters do. They cast a very wide net and bide their time. Eventually someone bites.
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Old 4th July 2017, 10:03 PM   #10
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Strangely, this type of situation happened in my life many years ago.,,,I was fresh out of HS and this woman was in late 30's,,,She was my boss' wife...

It was a sad story...She was having a full blown mental breakdown at the time and not only this behavior, but other stuff...He(boss) found many thousands of dollars worth of expensive clothes and other stuff that she bought and never even took off the tags...It was a huge mess and she had to be institutionalized...

Not trying to make excuses for her, but some of this type of behavior is consistent with certain personality disorders like BPD...Tie in the suicide stuff and maybe this woman is crashing emotionally....I dunno, and wont speculate, but I would hope that possibility is at least considered...

TFY
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Old 4th July 2017, 10:06 PM   #11
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Strangely, this type of situation happened in my life many years ago.,,,I was fresh out of HS and this woman was in late 30's,,,She was my boss' wife...

It was a sad story...She was having a full blown mental breakdown at the time and not only this behavior, but other stuff...He(boss) found many thousands of dollars worth of expensive clothes and other stuff that she bought and never even took off the tags...It was a huge mess and she had to be institutionalized...

Not trying to make excuses for her, but some of this type of behavior is consistent with certain personality disorders like BPD...Tie in the suicide stuff and maybe this woman is crashing emotionally....I dunno, and wont speculate, but I would hope that possibility is at least considered...

TFY
My theory is that she intentionally botched the suicide attempt so that her husband would be more worried for her than angry at her. Instead of people being angry at her for being a cheater, they are just worried about her. Now she has people all over her Facebook voicing their concern for her and her health.
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Old 4th July 2017, 10:08 PM   #12
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If there's anything you should learn it's that married people who go through infidelity more often than not stay together. It doesn't matter what's happened. As a single person, just stay far away from married people and whatever they're going through.
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Old 4th July 2017, 10:21 PM   #13
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My theory is that she intentionally botched the suicide attempt so that her husband would be more worried for her than angry at her. Instead of people being angry at her for being a cheater, they are just worried about her. Now she has people all over her Facebook voicing their concern for her and her health.

I hear you...and you could be right of course...

But one need to be careful here...

IME, Not that many sane minded women would do what you described...Its out of character....And if the suicide attempt was deliberately botched, she could still be crying for some type of attention due to some deep internal trouble,...at the very least it needs to be considered...

I know it sounds like I am completely dismissing poor behavior on her part, the truth is that mental illness is real and can manifest itself in ways that may be completely out of character for a particular person...

TFY
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Old 4th July 2017, 10:24 PM   #14
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Just figured I would share the story since it's a bit of a crazy one. Be careful who you marry.
I think there is a big mistake that men make in thinking that marriage is some sort of "prize". That it makes them first place in a woman's mind, when nothing could be further from the truth...

Had a couple of friends Mrs doing the same with me, but I just distance myself. I'm not going to start an investigation like Columbo

Generally those types of guys (and you know the type we are talking about) want to live in a fantasy of pretty lies, and tellling people the harsh truth makes you a villain.

Law of power #32: play to people's fantasies
The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality, unless you are prepared to deal with the anger that comes from disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure fantasy are like oasis in the desert. The power is in tapping into the fantasy of the masses.

For my part, the warning is well heeded. I look into the souls of the women I go out with, challenge them in ways they aren't used to. Any sort of ltr of utility is not in the works

Last edited by Bastile; 4th July 2017 at 10:26 PM..
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Old 4th July 2017, 10:28 PM   #15
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I hear you...and you could be right of course...

But one need to be careful here...

IME, Not that many sane minded women would do what you described...Its out of character....And if the suicide attempt was deliberately botched, she could still be crying for some type of attention due to some deep internal trouble,...at the very least it needs to be considered...

I know it sounds like I am completely dismissing poor behavior on her part, the truth is that mental illness is real and can manifest itself in ways that may be completely out of character for a particular person...

TFY
She is likely a pathological liar, because we have all caught her making up ridiculous stories on many occasions that you'd have to be a complete moron to believe. I am sure she has some mental disorders, but I seriously doubt this attempted suicide was real. I think it was purposefully done just to get the very same outcome that you described. People now have to worry about her. Her infidelity will be put on the back burner. She screwed up and got caught, but her husband is a clueless guy, so she will likely do it again. Not like there are any consequences for her.
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