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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 3rd July 2017, 10:45 PM   #1
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no contact from friend

When it comes to friendships, am i being too high maintenance to want to be remembered for my b day, holidays, emotional support, etc, thats the kind of friend I am, I want deeper connections with people.

Last edited by curiouskit; 4th July 2017 at 1:57 AM..
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Old 4th July 2017, 9:01 AM   #2
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No. But people forget. It happens.

Try being the friend you hope to have even when that means forgiving others when they don't measure up to your expectations.
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Old 4th July 2017, 11:07 AM   #3
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@curiouskit ~ If you're a giver then make friends with people who are also givers. Some people just take take take so avoid those ones as you'll just feel taken advantage of.
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Old 4th July 2017, 3:11 PM   #4
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You have to be aware not only of if they are the type person who remembers birthdays but also how important you are on their list of priorities. If they have a half dozen friends who are closer than you (or family), they are less likely to pay attention to your needs because they don't feel that close to you and/or have limited time/resources/money to spend.

For example I could tell one of my nicest friends was kind of getting offended that I wasn't buying presents for her kid when he was young. Number one, he expected really expensive gifts, like over $50, more than I'd ever spend on a kid and was already getting more crap than any kid needs, plus I'd seen him have a tantrum and throw a gift from a friend of his grandma's (someone like me, not at all obligated to gift him) on the floor because he already had it. I decided right than that would be a waste of money. But the bottom line was I was still not financially able to buy for all of my close friends even. So I finally just told her, Hey, I'm afraid people's kids are not on my list because I still have a couple of friends I've known for 40 years who I feel I can't afford to do Christmas for and if I feel I have more money to spend, that's who I'll gift next. I think she kind of understood, maybe. By the way, I did recently get him a gift card for graduation -- and I know my friend appreciated it, but not one word of thanks from him.

So people have their priorities and their budgetary reasons. I'm like you. I want people to mainly remember my birthday and I'd like them to do it on or near the day, but as I get older, people are more likely to get me something but not make time to go have dinner or whatever, and I am offended by that. I think my few local friends should gather on my birthday, and once in awhile it happens, but less and less. Last year, rather than be disappointed by my birthday and friends, I made my own plans and went out of state.

I have to say, if someone doesn't reciprocate, I wouldn't keep gifting them, and it's because I just think it creates an imbalance when one tries harder than the other, an imbalance neither person is really happy about.
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Old 5th July 2017, 8:35 PM   #5
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very well said I totally agree. So this person I've known for a long time and she has a new boyfriend that she's been dating now for about 2 months and they both flew in together for a family function but he has nowhere to stay and she's asking me if he can stay with me is it wrong for me to say no cuz now she's pissed but I don't know this person
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Old 6th July 2017, 11:43 AM   #6
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Say it's a bad time and no.
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