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Controlling and toxic friend. Should I break it off?


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Old 24th June 2017, 5:00 PM   #1
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Controlling and toxic friend. Should I break it off?

We were best friends since high school, yet for the last 3-4 years he has treated me with nothing but disrespect. Disregards my opinions, proclaims his thoughts and ideas as the best and never listens to my issues. It always seems to be about him, and when I do something where he is not involved, he gets angry and starts abusing me, he also abuses me if I do something against his wishes. For example I did not want to buy a phone off of him and that angered him - he started calling me names and spoke behind my back to several people.

I just can't be around him anymore, every moment I am with him, he finds a way to self-grandeurise, whilst also disparaging me. 'You don't know anything' or 'I am very good looking - those girls keep staring at me' and even 'I am tough and you are not'.

Today was just one of the worst days. I've been struggling to find a job after my company went bust, I have problem with interviews and because of that i've not been successful in my job hunt. So my friend rings me up and a couple of other people, merges the call, he then goes on to say 'Hey Alec, I have an interview for a job that I dont want - can you help me fail it please', 'Can you give me tips and advice on how to fail an interview?'. He also knows i've been having issues with depression and so he says over the phone 'Who here is depressed - someone sounds depressed, aren't they?' And It was not in a light-hearted tone , he did it to be callous and mean, one of my other friend who was on the line noticed the callousness too. I just don't know what to do, its hard to let go of someone that you were once really close to.
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Old 24th June 2017, 5:26 PM   #2
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He is not your friend. Why are you even allowing him to contact you? You need to block him on all social media and from your telephone so he can't contact you, seriously. This guy is harming your reputation and he's a butthead that no one should want to put up with. If you can't block his number to stop him from contacting you, I think I'd get a new phone number if possible. Or have his texts sent straight to delete and don't answer his calls. And do the same with anyone you know is loyal to him too.
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Old 24th June 2017, 5:32 PM   #3
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He is not your friend, he is someone who is using you to make himself feel better about himself. He is disrespecting you and I think you need to end this relationship - delete his number(s), block his email address and take him off and block him on any social media such as Facebook.
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Old 24th June 2017, 5:43 PM   #4
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I thought as much. I fed into his facade too often, he constantly tries to establish that he's looking out for me and that he wants the best for me, acting like the nice guy to make it seem genuine, but i've realised that they are all a pack of lies used to manipulate me and unwittingly gain his trust, however toxic the outcome.
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Old 24th June 2017, 8:12 PM   #5
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Yeah, and like LoverofWrestling said, he is using you to knock down in order for himself to feel superior -- and only people with really bad self-esteem deep down do that type thing. He's a MESS, and you need to just block and dump him.
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Old 25th June 2017, 2:12 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by alec007 View Post
So my friend rings me up and a couple of other people, merges the call, he then goes on to say 'Hey Alec, I have an interview for a job that I dont want - can you help me fail it please'
What a weird thing to do. And your other friends on the call were okay with this? If I was on that call, I would be horrified and would never speak to the jerk again. Do your friends disagree with his behavior?

Yes, you should break it off. That phone call stunt he pulled should be the last straw. If you ever speak to him again, you are opening yourself up to his abuse and humiliation. Don't even tell him you're breaking it off - it will go poorly - just ghost him like he's dead to you.
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Old 25th June 2017, 4:30 AM   #7
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What a weird thing to do. And your other friends on the call were okay with this? If I was on that call, I would be horrified and would never speak to the jerk again. Do your friends disagree with his behavior?

Yes, you should break it off. That phone call stunt he pulled should be the last straw. If you ever speak to him again, you are opening yourself up to his abuse and humiliation. Don't even tell him you're breaking it off - it will go poorly - just ghost him like he's dead to you.
Well, one felt really uncomfortable during the conversation and sent me a series of texts. There was another one, who's a complete sycophant who went along with it to mock me. I am not usually the type of person to get offended by comments, but I'm really stressed and at a low point right now, and he knows it and is using it to his advantage.

I agree, after that phone call I've been taking a long hard thing at my relationships, and realised that this is the only one where I feel uncomfortable and where I cannot open up.
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Old 25th June 2017, 4:41 AM   #8
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Alec, your mate is a horrible person. You'd be much better without him in your life.
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Old 27th June 2017, 8:29 AM   #9
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"friend" does not give me space, wants me to talk 24/7

I created another thread on this forum, where I spoke about my toxic friend who manipulates and dominates me. I've been trying to cutting it off with him, but he keeps contacting me, tries to talk crap behind my back to my other friends, who have said he told them 'Why does he never contact people, he should call more'. He expects me to talk to him every day, It's exhausting. He calls me every single day, I don't even know if that's normal. And he wants me to do the same.
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Old 27th June 2017, 8:39 AM   #10
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Continue to cut your friend off. And in the meantime, rally support from your friend group.
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Old 27th June 2017, 9:21 AM   #11
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Don't take his calls or better yet just say "don't call me anymore". Simple.
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Old 27th June 2017, 6:43 PM   #12
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Cut him off. You'll feel much better when you do. Life is too short to waste time with toxic folks.
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Old 27th June 2017, 7:18 PM   #13
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there are people who keep venomous snakes as pets because they interest them they believe I guess that if they love the snake enough it will change its inherent genetics and be loving instead of a vicious predator.....they have an illusion of warmth behind those cold slated eyes.....warmth reserved for them......some even will let the snake bite them a little by guiding the bite.... every now and then these snake handlers..... they do this to build up an immunity to the snakes toxic venom.....

then one day they are alone and they receive multiple bites from their cherished snake and they dont make it...the toxicity is too much....they die from the inside out...people were never meant to absorb venom transfusions.....venomous snakes are meant to be left alone to do their thing..


I screamed a banshee call as a child when I came face to face with a highly venomous snake....It was going to bite me...it reared up in strike position..fat on our quails it had eaten ...it was huge........I knew what it was ....without ever seeing one before in real life...the bite I would have received would have been a head shot my face basically...I was on my hands and knees........and I screamed and didnt stop...I raised hell and it took off......workers from m y dads shop came out.....my mum came running...I let them know the snake was around....my dad found it one day saunaing itself under a piece of corrugated iron.....and he cut its head off......that snake kept moving....writhing...I couldn't look away........and I felt sorry for the snake..i actually cried for it......guilty like it was my fault it had to die.....


I dont suggest you cut the guys head off...but i do think you should see a snake and know a toxic snake when you see it.....and not feel sorry for that snake ...when you let it go.....someone else will cut that snake down...it doesn't have to be you ...dont feel guilty when they do cut it down......


and one day...maybe i might not feel guilty too....you cant always love the unlovable...they wont let you..they may even decide you need their venom.....to prove that point...says me....

I have the same problem I have a snake phobia...yet I deal with snakes....and rescue them...I never had a long term life plan though....I would like one though..as should you.....deb
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Last edited by todreaminblue; 27th June 2017 at 7:23 PM..
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Old 28th June 2017, 5:51 AM   #14
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Does the old adage 'With friends like you, who needs enemies!?' resonate with you at all? Well, it should! The saying was literally coined with people like your "friend" in mind.
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Old 28th June 2017, 4:26 PM   #15
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If you are not happy with your friend, why be friends with them? Friends are supposed to be supportive, and a positive influence in one's life, not someone we dread being around. It sounds like your friendship with him has run its course, and it is time for you to move on without him.
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