ngroy Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I need some unbiased opinions. My friend, a 36 year old single male is having a debate with his ex-girl/friend because she does not want him to date any one she knows no matter how distant the friend may be. He understands close friends are def not cool but seems to be curious as to why not distant friends or associates with whom commmunication is rare to not at all. They dated in college about 15 years ago. He is her first love. They’ve always kept in contact and she’s always had feelings for him and they have a deep connection. His ex is married but if she wasn't she would pursue a relationship with him. Is my friend wrong for wanting to date a distant friend of his ex? or is his ex-wrong for being selfish and not wanting to see him date anyone she knows even if means a chance at happiness Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 No, because they want you OUT of their life. If he is wanting to date a friend of hers, it's probably to maintain ties with her some way, which she doesn't want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 They dated in college about 15 years ago. Ha. No. She doesn't get to dictate who he can or can't date 15 years later. I'm going to guess that he has an inappropriate relationship with her. She is married and he knows she has feelings for him. And if he didn't remain so close to his ex, he wouldn't need her blessing to date women she knows. He's afraid of making her mad at him, for some reason. Of course it's nice and good that he doesn't want to unnecessarily hurt her, but if she's making unreasonable rules for him, he doesn't need to convince her to "let" him do anything. And if you want to say that he and his ex's friendship is strictly platonic (it's not - she has feelings, but this is for the sake of argument) then why on earth is he asking his "friend" if it's okay to date someone. That would be an unhealthy friendship. So I know by the way you worded your post - "or is his ex-wrong for being selfish and not wanting to see him date anyone she knows even if means a chance at happiness" (jeez) that you want everyone to tell you how unreasonable she's being, and yeah she is, but your friend is also being weird about needing her validation. He needs to move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 She's married now, so I don't think the "I don't want you dating any of my girlfriends" counts. If they truly were friends, she would help setting him up with one of them. They're probably both in the wrong for keeping in touch, because it seems there are still feelings between them. This guy should be dating whoever he wants, and stop hovering around as her backup. He doesn't need her permission for anything. (unless this is all a plan to somehow stay in her life) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I would never date a friend of my ex, nor would I want him to date one of my friends. Because that would mean we'd have to run into each other sometimes, and as it stands, the only times I have in the near future that we will have to be in the same space is at our first born's graduation 2 years from now or if a funeral comes up between now and then, and that's fine with me! (I always look for his vehicle at the grocery store and if I were to see it, I'd leave and go back another time!) Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 If their relationship ended acrimoniously, I could understand them avoiding friends so as to cease all contact. But this isn't the case. Your mate is giving her opinions far too much consideration. Given they haven't dated in 15 years, why would he be still limiting himself for her? I wonder how her husband feels about her ongoing feelings for the ex and not wanting the ex to date anyone she knows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoverofWrestling Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 She's his ex - so in my view, she has zero say on who he can/can't date. Once their relationship ended, she lost any chance of that. If I was him, I'd tell her to be less worried about my potential new relationship(s) and focus more on her own relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 she sounds super controlling. I could understand a close friend/family member, maybe, but then again, only the heart knows. if two people are feeling something, notwithstanding already being in committed relationships, no one should dictate who others can and cannot see (and perhaps, fall in love with) Link to post Share on other sites
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