Stone Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 This guy I used to know as a teenager got arrested 3 years ago for a DUI, he really hurt someone and got a long sentence. I ran into his mother at church a few months back and handed her one of my business cards. Well her son has been writing me letters from jail, I never wrote him back because I used to get into alot of trouble with him. He has written about 6 times and I don't respond. Today he called I picked up the phone and he wanted to chat so I talked to him for a good 20 minutes he told me he is straiting his life out and would like to see me at church this weekend. He isn't hanging around druggies or drunks anymore and I think he wants to hang out with me. I don't mean to be a B**ch, I am sure he has changed or has every intention to but I want to leave my past in the past. I don't want someone right out of jail around my kids and he still has that "I"ve been locked up attitude" sometimes jail just makes you worse. His mother really want's us to be friends again, she thinks I am a good influence on him since I have changed so much. How do I tell him I am not intrested in having a friendship? We do go to the same church, he is a nice boy, but I am just not ready to take on anyone wtih major problems in my lfe right now. That sounds mean and shallow but I really can't be strong fot anyone but myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Can't say I blame you... When you see him in Church be nice but not to chatty with him... If (or I should say when) he calls your home, don't stay on the line with him.. tell him you have things to do. Don't accept invitations to hang out with him... Make it clear to him and His Mom that while you're happy he is doing better that you prefer to wish him well from a distance and leave your past there. Good Luck honey Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted May 13, 2005 Author Share Posted May 13, 2005 Thanks love, I do feel bad for the poor guy, I guess he only had like 4 beers and some old lady was infront of him who shouldn't have been driving anyway he hit her ( he states she was constantly on her brakes) but broke her pelvic bone, he had beer on his breath so he got locked up... it's sad. He shouldn't have been drinkning & driving anyways. but Jail just does something to people know what I mean, he is all cocky and ghetto I don't go there Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 just blow him off totally and don't give any explanations about anything. you are under no obligation whatsoever twds him or his mother. that was your past and you've moved on. this is a situation where you cannot be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by Stone Thanks love, I do feel bad for the poor guy, I guess he only had like 4 beers and some old lady was infront of him who shouldn't have been driving anyway he hit her ( he states she was constantly on her brakes) but broke her pelvic bone, he had beer on his breath so he got locked up... it's sad. He shouldn't have been drinkning & driving anyways. but Jail just does something to people know what I mean he is all cocky and thuged out.... NO thanks Dude I do know exactly what you're saying.. My Sisters last 2 relationships were both with Guys who she had known and been with BEFORE they got locked up.. and they had changed a lot after being released... While I understand how you feel for him... I can also relate to you not wanting your Kids around him or yourself for that matter... I don't allow My Daughter to stay over with My Sister when I know her Guy (who was locked up) is going to be there.. it isn't that I'm not cool with him when I see him or whatever... BUT I don't want to be on a Friendly level with him. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 This is about setting your own boundaries and not feeling you have to justify them. Whether he is a nice guy or not, this is not someone you have a relationship with now, and you aren't interested in developing (or re-developing) one with him. You have good reasons for that, by the way. So...this might be one of those situations where some gracious avoidance will serve the point - maybe he will get the message gently and you'll be free of the efforts of he and his mom. But if not, you are certainly within your rights to tell him (and his well-meaning mother) that you simply don't think you can be the friend to him that he's looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
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