Best friend made no effort when my life fell apart

[Kombucha]

I was in a top tier medical school for three years. I had some academic struggles, but I always pulled through. I was the student who had to study every single day while my classmates went out for drinks. However, I became very sick (I have an autoimmune disease) during our final exams week and failed two of my finals so badly that my grades fell to a D+. I was passing those courses before finals. I even let the dean of the college know how sick I was, but she told me to continue taking finals and that I would be fine. Next thing I know, they kick me out for getting two D+s. Mind you, I found out later that the dean made a comment about how she knows it is not like me to have such poor final exam grades.

 

This was an extremely traumatic experience. I had to meet with the assistant dean and he told me I was dismissed from the program. I was told that "my body cannot handle their medical school program" and that I should "go into technical work." I was also told that if I go to another medical school, I will not make as good of a doctor because it's not THEIR program. Other harsh comments were made during my dismissal meeting as well.

 

I have devoted the last ten years of my life to becoming a medical doctor. I was almost done with the book work portion of the program (I am better in clinic with patients). I later found out that my best friend in the program failed summer clinic. However, they let her stay and remediated her. This friend and I had been close the entire three years we were in medical school together. I considered her like a sister. We did everything together. I was her one and only support when she was having suicidal thoughts and having guy issues. She relied on me heavily for support. She is emotionally unstable and generally a toxic and selfish person. She was not always this way. It all started when we were in our second year and a guy from our program that she fell in love with rejected her.

 

She was supportive of me at first and felt bad about how the school treated me. However, she began to complain heavily about having to remediate clinic... a week after they had dismissed me. This is not the first or second time she has failed a clinical either. I told her it was absolutely not okay to complain to me that they gave her another chance because I was not given the same opportunity. She then told me that the college gave me a "fair shot" and that she was deserving to be there because her situation was not fair somehow. She is queen of playing victim.

 

I stayed friends with her after this comment for awhile because I desperately needed somebody to still talk to. I stayed living in the same city in my same apartment five minutes away from her for six months. She made not one effort to come to see me. She would start to complain about school to me and started to rely on me again for emotional support. I decided that I had enough. I blocked her on all social media. I found out later that this really upset her through a mutual friend. I didn't hear from her for three months until I got a text from her asking how I've been. I didn't respond. She then texted me and said she knew she had not always been the best friend to me, but that I could talk to her at any time.

 

This was two months ago and I do not plan to answer. I am told that all she does now is brag on social media about passing boards exams and she posts too many selfies. I also heard that she had a mental break down recently because the guy she fell in love with graduated and now he doesn't talk to her. I was also told that she admitted to posting pictures of things on her instagram to get his attention. For example, he likes greek mythology, so she will post a picture of a greek mythology book or something.

 

I have to admit, I am extremely jealous that this person gets to continue in the program. All of her medical school costs are paid for by her parents. I am in massive debt. She doesn't care much for the program. She told me there is more to life than being a medical doctor. To me, medical school was the love of my life. This person just does not care.

 

I know I did the right thing by not contacting her again, but part of me wants to message her back and tell her I think she treated me like crap. But I'm afraid that will draw me back in again.

[preraph]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. But I have to say that you are not being fair expecting your friend not to be happy and act normal about her achievements. This is not her problem, and you shouldn't resent her for her success. You're being petty.

 

Find another school and talk to the head of the department after assessing whether you truly are going to be hardy enough to pull those long hours in residency, because it is grueling and wears down healthy people. Also, get a doctor's opinion on this course of action. Good luck.

[Kombucha]

I never said or thought she can't be happy about her achievements. But she would make many comments about school to me after I was dismissed. If I had done that to her she would have become so depressed. She couldn't stand it when I had a boy friend and she didn't. It's all about competition with her. If she did better than I did on an exam, she would bring it up MULTIPLE times. If we ever studied together, she would try to one up me on topics she knew a lot about. It was obvious. It's not about me not being happy for her, it's about how she put me down to build herself up.

[basil67]

In your opening post you described her as "emotionally unstable and generally a toxic and selfish person". Knowing this about her, why were you friends with her? And why would you hope she'd behave in a manner which is different to what you describe?

 

She was never going to be the person you want her to be.

[todreaminblue]

im sorry you failed your course.....i read your entire post..must have been heart breaking for you......ten years.....

 

.can you do me a favor?...can you read through your post and write down every negative feeling emotion thought and thing you have done towards this toxic friend of yours......and i am not judging you ok...i want to help you see something....then write down every negative thing your toxic friend has done or said to you from the contents of this opening post.........deb

[Kombucha]

Actually, a lot of my friends never reached out to me after I was dismissed from the medical school program. It wasn't just my best friend. You make a good point to not expect much from her due to emotional instability. I think I expected that from her because I would have been very upset had she been dismissed and I was able to stay. Had she been dismissed, I would have been over at her place as much as I could.

 

I am still unsure why my other friends never reached out to me. My mom had a miscarriage two days before she had her third baby. She said a lot of her friends found out, but never reached out to her about it until almost a year or two later. I guess people don't know what to say.