Friend is leaving for college and I'm upset, sad, and angry

[MiraculousLB]

Hey.

 

So today I just found out that my best friend (Let's call her Catherine) got accepted into a college she has always been wanting to go into.

 

Ever since high school, Catherine always wanted to go into this college in a state that is in the middle of nowhere. There's no restaurants or cities where she's staying, and the closest supermarket is a half an hour away from her school.

 

I don't agree with her decision of going to the college because this particular school has a bad reputation. For privacy reasons, I don't want to give specific examples of the bad reputation. Let's just say this school is very controversial.

 

When she sent out her application to this school about a month ago, she was rejected. I was overjoyed but I couldn't tell her that because she'll get all sassy with me and say that I should support her decision. I was very diplomatic when she came to me after finding out she was rejected. I couldn't say I was happy, and I couldn't say I was upset.

 

In reality, I was happy. The school is no good.

 

Now after being rejected, she put herself Into the waiting list for the school so in case anybody decides to drop out, she'll be put in immediately.

 

I didn't think she would be put in because it's too early for anyone to drop out yet.

 

But alas, today, she just told me she got accepted.

 

I am completely upset, and angry, and sad. I don't want her going to this school because there is nothing there for her. Catherine has so many talents that can't be pursued in this school. I'm angry at her, and upset yet I can't tell her that because then she'll get mad at me.

 

I don't know what to tell her without sounding like a freaking fake. I was this close to lashing out at her on a text message.

 

How do I handle this situation? I know this is what she wants but I can't help but think that she's going to be wasting two years of her life at this school which she can't even transfer her credits to another university.

[CC12]

I'm going to assume you've had conversations where you've expressed how you feel about her going to this school. Surely it has come up since she's been pursuing this for a long time and she knows how you feel about it. So if that's the case, you need to drop it and wish her the best.

 

I mean, is it dangerous to attend this school or do you just disagree with their mission or whatever?

[MiraculousLB]

No, the school isn't in a dangerous location. It's just that this particular school doesn't have as much benefit as most universities. For example, the highest degree you can get in this school is an associates degree, and a permit to teach in certain grade schools. The college isn't associated with any universities outside of the state it's in. So she can't transfer her credit into another university in a different state.

 

Yes, the topic has come up before. I made it clear that I hated the place and we even got into some heated arguments about it.

 

I know there's nothing I can do but I just needed to get it off my chest.

[preraph]

I think you're exaggerating about the school not being near any cities. Schools are always in a city. I just think you don't want her to move, but you're going way overboard on the reason why. She probably can't afford the universities like you're talking about anyway. There are some great schools with fun campuses in smaller towns, such as the one in San Marcos, TX that has a clear river running right through campus. You can get a good education anywhere if you apply yourself.

 

Where are you going to college?

[O'Malley]

How does her family feel about her plans?

 

It's possible that she'll reassess her goals when she arrives at this school. It's also possible that she'll value the experiences she has there. Either way, she'll move on from it after two years. You're not wrong for being concerned or airing your feelings to her, but the process of maturing means that she has to make her own choices and learn from them.

[RecentChange]

What sort of school only offers associates degrees? I thought that was only junior colleges.

 

What is she going to be studying? What do her teachers and school counselors say about it?

[d0nnivain]

You don't get a say in where she goes to school. If you don't like her choice that is your opinion. If you have made your position clear to her, but she has chosen to go to that school there's nothing else to say. So now you either be a good friend & you support her choice & wish her well, or you throw a tantrum over something that is essentially not your business & you lose the friendship

[MiraculousLB]

I think you're exaggerating about the school not being near any cities. Schools are always in a city. I just think you don't want her to move, but you're going way overboard on the reason why. She probably can't afford the universities like you're talking about anyway. There are some great schools with fun campuses in smaller towns, such as the one in San Marcos, TX that has a clear river running right through campus. You can get a good education anywhere if you apply yourself.

 

Where are you going to college?

 

I'll probably be going to New York University.

 

And no, her family can very well afford a college like Yale or something like that. Their income is literally a million dollar

[MiraculousLB]

You don't get a say in where she goes to school. If you don't like her choice that is your opinion. If you have made your position clear to her, but she has chosen to go to that school there's nothing else to say. So now you either be a good friend & you support her choice & wish her well, or you throw a tantrum over something that is essentially not your business & you lose the friendship

 

I know I can't do anything about this. I don't control her life choices, I know that. But I can't help but think she's tossing her talents away by pissing 2 years at this college

[d0nnivain]

That's your opinion. the small town atmosphere & the lower pressure pace in a non-degree school may appeal to her. Going there doesn't mean she's precluded from going somewhere else later. Not everybody can jump into something like NYU. Good for you for getting in there. Concentrate on your own future. After a year in college you may find you no longer give a flying fig where your HS friend goes to school

[MiraculousLB]

What sort of school only offers associates degrees? I thought that was only junior colleges.

 

What is she going to be studying? What do her teachers and school counselors say about it?

 

She'll be studying Catholic philosophy and logic. I'm a Catholic myself, but I don't particularly like the idea of Catherine going to this school because it's more of a preparatory school for those wishing to join the religious life.

 

Catherine made it clear that she has no intentions of joining a religious order, yet she's still going to this school to learn logic. That's the part I don't understand.

[MiraculousLB]

That's your opinion. the small town atmosphere & the lower pressure pace in a non-degree school may appeal to her. Going there doesn't mean she's precluded from going somewhere else later. Not everybody can jump into something like NYU. Good for you for getting in there. Concentrate on your own future. After a year in college you may find you no longer give a flying fig where your HS friend goes to school

 

Thank you for your kind words. I feel better about the situation now.

[preraph]

I'll probably be going to New York University.

 

And no, her family can very well afford a college like Yale or something like that. Their income is literally a million dollar

 

She is two steps ahead in life because she already knows what she wants and which school she wants to go to. My friend's boy went to NYU and he's now been a waiter for the last few years except when his mother gives him a fill-in job at her small company. So it's more about whether you know what you want and know how to accomplish things -- and she has accomplished going to the school she chose, so hopefully she will also succeed at whatever her job goals are once she's out. If you're a true friend, you'll support her dreams instead of criticizing them. She's going to school somewhere and is excited about it. That's hardly something to be negative about.

[SpiralOut]

It won't necessarily be a waste of two years of her life. There's more to the college experience than just the credits or degree you get from it. If she does end up regretting her decisions, that's for her to deal with. She needs to make her own choices and make her own mistakes.

[Gillys]

I know you're young but 2 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Are you really going to throw away years of a great friendship for not agreeing to your best pal's 2 year decision!? If her parents are as wealthy as you say, I'm sure she'll be just fine after she finishes her studies. She may develop useful skills that could lead to a rewarding career like working for a religious non-profit or she could come out wanting to join you at NYU (just as a college freshman and you a junior). Either way, you've already voiced your opinion and she has voiced hers. As her best friend, you don't always have to agree on things but you should respect each other's opinions. Just my .02

[basil67]

I'm surprised she still has you as a friend if you've actually fought with her about her university choices. You have very much overstepped your boundaries as a friend.

 

Your posts have all been about what you think and what you want to happen. But this decision is actually about what she thinks and what she wants. Your BF wouldn't be going if she couldn't see some benefit for herself. What are her reasons for wanting to go?