I feel so awkward around new people?

[LotusAvx]

I just started a new job and have made a couple acquaintances there so far this week. I am quite proud of myself because I am really making an effort and doing better than I thought I'd do with the social aspect. I am shy and introverted and don't have the best social skills. I have always felt awkward around new people and there have always been only about 3 people in my life who I can truly be myself around.

 

When I am in these social situations, I feel like I have imaginary walls up. I make small talk and join on conversations, but some of the stuff I say just sounds monotone and fake. I feel like I don't belong and like the other people don't want me there. I know this must reside in feelings of inadequacy, but I have always felt this way around new people and potential "friends". If I'm talking with a group of people, I feel like I need to be other than what I am to feel comfortable and make friends, so I feel like I need to be very outgoing and talkative. But I know that I should just be myself, which is an observer, and someone who only speaks if I have something to say. I just wish that these imaginary "walls" would come down when I am around others because I just want to feel comfortable and be myself and progress to a friendship with someone. I see others (who I assume are extroverts) and they are outgoing and seem to be themselves instantly around new people and I just wish I could be like that!!

 

One thought that I had is that I put too much pressure on myself for encounters to sound good and go smoothly.

Edited May 4, 2017 by LotusAvx

[d0nnivain]

Everybody feels off around new people. The fact that you recognize that you are putting too much pressure on yourself is an excellent piece of introspection. Social situations can usually be navigated with a fake it, 'til you make it attitude. Project confidence you don't feel & you will be fine. Remember that everybody is scared.

[preraph]

It's always awkward when you meet all new people. We're all that way. It is best to just do two things and keep it simple: One is smile and say hi and be polite, but the other is to not be pushy and wait and watch and listen to get a real feel for who you might want to trust at the place and who is being friendly. So this isn't a bad time to be introverted and just observe. I mean, you wouldn't want to accidentally take up with someone who was a troublemaker. Wait until you start getting a feel for the place.

 

Give you an example. Where I work, there was a gregarious new older lady hired. She was very loud and gregarious. I think my boss took that as being confident and he promoted her right up when we lost a long-time employee in an important position. Promoted her over a nice steady smart woman who'd been there a little longer, though both were pretty new.

 

Well, something told me to just sit back and watch this person. Sure enough, she mouthed off about people there who'd been there for years, right away. First I heard her putting down a guy I liked whose job she had just been promoted to. It made me mad because she had no idea what all his job consisted of and how good he actually was compared to most of the others who'd had that position. And then after putting him down to someone, she then made a comment about men not being as organized as women or something, and I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer and told said from behind my cubicle "But they don't talk as much." (Because she just never shut up.)

 

Well, then someone else there told me she'd been going around saying the owner and his assistant must be a couple and that she thought they were married. Anyway, next time I came in, she was gone. My boss wouldn't have liked that type of talk. I told him what I'd said to her when she'd put the other guy down and he thought it was hilarious.

 

Anyway, point is, it doesn't pay to just start getting too mixed up in office politics until you observe and know what the tone is, who the more respected people are, etc.