reeseyummy Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 I'm jealous of my friend telling me she is considering moving to another country with her bf, because her bf can provide. She has no goal in career whatsoever. It's conflicting on my feminist views, but more importantly I'm jealous because she seems lost, but still met someone who loves her, and willing to take care of her for the rest of her life. I'm smart and independent, have I done anything wrong by being devoted to my own achievements? I feel so guilty for not being happy for her, I've distanced myself from her because I felt guilty, and felt like I am not able to give her genuine advice, or just truly be happy for her. I'm also sad for myself too.. btw, back story is she met her bf on tinder. He flew 13 hours to meet her, decided he loves her ( in 3 days), then after 2 months, he moved to our country and stayed for 1.5 years. They even have a cat together. Seriously, it's like a fairy tale come true. Help! I really need to get over this jealousness. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 You write about all the so called wonderful things she's got, yet she's lost. Are you really jealous of a person who's so without direction that they are lost? Seems to me that you're jealous of what you imagine her life to be and not what the reality might be. I think your jealousy is more likely rooted in dissatisfaction with your own life. What's going on? Have you done counselling to try and find strategies to keep yourself rooted in reality? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 I mean, she doesn't seem to have a direction and is just going where the wind blows. Maybe she has gotten lucky and maybe she hasn't, but what you need to realize is that you would not be happy or proud of yourself if you followed her random path. We most appreciate the things we work for and achieve. Now she's moving away from all her friends, and that is probably when the trouble will begin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kaiten Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 I think I understand you. It's hard to pursue what you believe is a worthy ideal, and then watch other people you know, who haven't given their future a second thought, stumble upon the things you desire seemingly haphazardly (things like a relationship or a good job). Please realize now that being smart and independent is, by its very nature, something that pays off in the long run. Because of how society is, it's not something that should be expected to pay off in the short term. Don't expect a good thing you do to pay off in the short term. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Help! I really need to get over this jealousness. Any advice? You do not know the history of her Lifestream that has made her current circumstances possible and manifested them. When somebody does something horrible, many people satisfy themselves with the idea that "someday Karma is going to bite" and cause that person to pay for their bad deed. On the other hand, sometimes the person seems to go their whole life without being punished, so to speak. In this case, we can guess or assume that it is still Karma at work...only bringing a reward for a prior good deed (or whole collection of prior good deeds) that your friend did. Advice? Just keep working on generating your own good Karma...happiness for your friend and a cheerful and optimistic outlook for your own self. Karma will deliver your reward to you...in this lifetime or the next...just as it has done for your friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 That doesn't sound like a fairy tail at all. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Stay in touch with your friend because she will need the support when it doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Maybe he fell in love with her because she is his type. The type that isn't ambitious about a career but just wants to be a wife and mother for his kids. Be happy for her if she is happy. There is someone for everyone. A man like him would probably annoy you because you are career minded and there are a lot of men who want a woman just like you. I would think if you were a true friend you would be happy for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 It's generally not worth being jealous of anyone else's Rs, honestly - you only know what they choose to show you. This could either be excessively positive (glossing over the negatives), or the other way around. Things are not always as they seem. Also, would you genuinely WANT to be provided for? There are certain things expected of women who choose to be in a provider-supporter relationship, and I don't mean the whole cliche "omg that's like being a prostitute!" nonsense either. It's perfectly fine to choose such a relationship, but it's not everything that it appears to be. For one thing, if he is the provider, your career will ALWAYS come second to his. If he needs to relocate for his job, or if you have children, etc - YOUR career will have to be the one taking the hit. Are you genuinely okay with that? Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 It's how lost she is that draws men who wish to take care. Would you honestly wish to always be submissive to a boyfriend's directives? If you like the idea then you'll have to remain vulnerable and accommodating. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 It's how lost she is that draws men who wish to take care. Would you honestly wish to always be submissive to a boyfriend's directives? If you like the idea then you'll have to remain vulnerable and accommodating. But if wouldn't be natural for her. We don't know if her friend is in fact vulnerable and accommodating or if these two are just made for each other. I don't think it's fair to put the friend down just because a nice guy fell in love with her and wants to take care of her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I'm jealous of my friend telling me she is considering moving to another country with her bf, because her bf can provide. She has no goal in career whatsoever. It's conflicting on my feminist views, but more importantly I'm jealous because she seems lost, but still met someone who loves her, and willing to take care of her for the rest of her life. Being lost is an awful feeling. IMO, it is better to be alone and independent and have something to work towards, than it is to be in a relationship and have no direction in life. I seriously doubt that your friend is as happy as you think she is. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 How's your friend doing? Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 But if wouldn't be natural for her. We don't know if her friend is in fact vulnerable and accommodating or if these two are just made for each other. I don't think it's fair to put the friend down just because a nice guy fell in love with her and wants to take care of her.I wasn't putting the friend down. There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable and accommodating. The reason why this was pointed out, was that if the OP isn't comfortable with such, then there's no reason to envy her friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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