gemsc1990 Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 Hey guys, so I have a topic I can't seem to find elsewhere on the forums. What do you guys think of dumpers who keep their social media platforms covered in pics of them and their ex (pics kissing, holiday snaps, loving photos and cute comments). I was talking to a friend about this today. Her ex broke up with her about 2 and half months ago out of the blue saying their relationship had run its course, although she has justified suspicions he left her to start a relationship with another girl (even though they're keeping it very secret and hush ATM) YET he still has his social media covered in photos of them together and none of him and the girl he left my friend for. My friend is surprised because this new girl can't be particularly happy about all these relatively recent photos of my friend and her boyfriend together, and We both thought he would've deleted all the memories out of guilt at least because of the harsh way he dumped my friend and jumped into a relationship a week later. I'm sure if he had any conscience he wouldn't want pics as a reminder of what he did to my friend. Do you guys think it's weird for dumpers to keep photos on social media? I know I had to delete all memories and constant reminders after my recent breakup and my ex did the same, which hurt at the time but now I understand it probably helped him after the breakup too. Views anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 Maybe he's so busy having fun with the new girl he hasn't had a chance to bother with social media or take the photos down. Who knows but one thing is for sure if he were sorry about the break up and wanted your friend back he would ask. He hasn't and has moved on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 not an expert on SM by any means but if she's tagged in the photos, can she remove any photos that she's tagged? I thought you could do this. Or, is that her desire? Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 Why does it matter? Your "friend" shouldn't be viewing his social media. She should be healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemsc1990 Posted April 14, 2017 Author Share Posted April 14, 2017 Stillafool I think you make a good point. A lot of people focus on social media dyer breakups and read into thinks (lord knows I did for weeks!). I have told my friend she will never know what's going on in his head but hearing views from people who are outside the situation will help, as it did with me when I was going through my breakup and all the awesome people on this forum gave me a lot of great advice Altair I guess my friend is just going through the phases, aren't we all guilty of checking on our exs? I personally found blocking mine helped a lot but I'm more an 'out of sight out of mind' person, but I guess everyone deals differently! I'm personally surprised at anyone who keeps pictures of their ex on Facebook, I've always found it hard to see pics/memories pop up whether I've been the dumper or the dumpee. I think both parties miss each other to some degree Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 My friend is surprised because this new girl can't be particularly happy about all these relatively recent photos of my friend and her boyfriend together, If his new girlfriend is secure and confident enough in her own worth and value, then she won't be put out about or allow inanimate objects like old photos to bother her or interfere with her happiness. and We both thought he would've deleted all the memories out of guilt <snip>. I'm sure if he had any conscience he wouldn't want pics as a reminder of what he did to my friend.Just because he has no emotional or sentimental attachment to old photos does not mean that he is without a conscience. Obviously what he has up on his social media is not bothering him in the slightest, or he'd probably or most likely change it (unless he is a masochist). It doesn't pay to project our own patterns and habits of what we would do in any given situation into our expectations of what others will or will not do, or should or should not do, in the same circumstance. Just because you and your friend would feel guilty doesn't mean her ex does or should. There just isn't a 'one-size-fits-all' matrix or program for human behaviour on this planet. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 Maybe he hasn't thought about it. It sure as heck wasn't the first thing on my mind with my last serious breakup, although I did change the profile pic within the first week. Different people handle breakups differently. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 Maybe he hasn't thought about it. It sure as heck wasn't the first thing on my mind with my last serious breakup, although I did change the profile pic within the first week. Different people handle breakups differently. It's probably this. A dumpee often reads too much into anything their ex does, usually hoping it's a sign they're still thinking about them, while in reality the dumper already moved on. The pictures are not constant reminders of his ex to him because he doesn't care, he's too busy with the new girl. I think he just "forgot" to delete them 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 (edited) could be any number of reasons..and ti really isnt important as moving on for her....she has to stop lookign and thats a hard ask .....deleting him will help but then you can always still search.....i find blocking really hard.....it feels callous.....and im not that so i just try not to look when i heal and im pretty strong....so ....thats how i roll anyway....breaking chains of thought and images of him and her together or that involve him is probably the hardest thing she will have to do ......speaking from experience ...visuals give me snapshots i keep for a very long time...... they cant be just thrown away..memory for me is a wicked problem..i have the photographic memory of an elephant....and often the memory of a sieve when it comes to names...i guess i cant keep everything........and they(the photos ) need replacing...with better memories or they have to fade out and distant.....and not become central to the every day..... i have almost a handle on this....its why when i was sick ....one time early years of diagnosis in a psyche hospital my ex made a photo album for me of all my fave peoples and faces and places .the ocean view on a holiday we had we loved ........and i looked at it for hours over and over again to get rid of negativity...from around me...scary people...and within me ..suicidial.......so to get rid of negative images o thoughts you replace them with good ones ....instead of dead end pictures that lead no where and do no good........you look at pictures of people in your future or you spend time with the people who do love you.....whom you love back...... so having these ex visuals or lost love visuals makes it even harder to stop the dreams and useless thoughts from materializing....cut the visuals and work on the useless thoughts by replacign them with her new life .....withotu him....make a phtoto collage of peopel who matter ....its the only way......to break the connection....is my suggestion to your friend...i wish her and you well...its lovely to see people enquring for friends on loveshack doesnt happen very often.....very sweet of you .....cheers...deb Edited April 14, 2017 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemsc1990 Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 Hey guys - I showed your replies to my friend today and she has asked me to thank you all for the advice and views she's going to get off social media for a few weeks I think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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