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Is this friendship over?


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I've been friends with this person for 24 years. Since we were 12 years old. We have had our ups and downs and times when we drifted apart, but we always remained in touch to some extent. We were roommates in college, used to spend every weekend together in our 20s, drove across country together, etc. For the past 7 years, we've seen each other once every couple of months, and I don't really consider her my best friend anymore. She has other friends she prioritizes, and that's partly my fault. During my last relationship, I neglected our friendship, and we grew apart. Now, to be fair, she had already started prioritizing her other group of friends a few years before that, but my relationship with my ex drove us further apart.

 

Still, when my relationship ended, she was the one there for me. She changed her plans to be with me immediately after it happened. And I would do the same for her. So I was a little hurt when she sort of stood me up for dinner tonight to go out with her other friends. We didn't have any solid plans but had both mentioned we would be free tonight. When I texted her today, she said she had an ear infection and was leaving work early. Later tonight, I see she posted a pic on Instagram with her other friends at a restaurant. So I guess she lied to me. I think she forgot I have an Instagram because I never post on it. I would have rather she just been truthful and said she had other plans. It's not like we had any plans set in stone to begin with. But jeez, to just outright lie seems unnecessary. She did this once before several years ago, and I called her out on it. I have zero motivation to call her out again.

 

I guess I'm asking what to do here. Just continue the friendship and take it for what it's worth? Just accept it for what it is and don't put a lot of effort into it. Just let it die a natural death? Lately, I feel like this friendship is just dying a slow death. I know relationships change over the years though. We have been friends for a long time, and I would hate to loose that.

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I'm sort of in a similar situation and was wondering what to do about it. It just seems like too much effort to call her out. You don't want to lose the friendship but you also don't want to have to force it. I don't really have any advice just wanted to let you know that I feel you and I understand.

 

(Also, when I was googling about my breakup a few years ago, your thread about your ex was the first thread I clicked on to get to loveshack. Your thread helped me get through and inspired me to post about my own.)

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I'm sort of in a similar situation and was wondering what to do about it. It just seems like too much effort to call her out. You don't want to lose the friendship but you also don't want to have to force it. I don't really have any advice just wanted to let you know that I feel you and I understand.

 

(Also, when I was googling about my breakup a few years ago, your thread about your ex was the first thread I clicked on to get to loveshack. Your thread helped me get through and inspired me to post about my own.)

 

Wow! That makes me feel good. I'm so glad I was able to help. Thanks for commenting on this thread too. I definitely don't want to call her out on it. I don't care that much to be honest; however, I cared enough to make the thread right? I wasn't surprised at what she did actually. Just a bit hurt, and it brought back my wonderings of where this relationship is going.

 

She does initiate calling me and getting together. At one point, I was doing all the work, so I stepped back to see if she would pick up the slack. She did to my surprise, and it's now more or less equal in that department.

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If this happens once in a while, it's kind of normal, but if it happens over and over and you have become the doormat there only at her command, time to move on. I mean, people are human. You did not have firm plans and she opted to be with these friends this time. She didn't need to lie.

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If this happens once in a while, it's kind of normal, but if it happens over and over and you have become the doormat there only at her command, time to move on. I mean, people are human. You did not have firm plans and she opted to be with these friends this time. She didn't need to lie.

 

At one point, I was the only one putting any effort in, so I pulled back to see how long it would take for her to contact me. It took about 3 weeks. I've let her do some of the work since then. She actually was the one who called me last week to see when I was free this week. I guess I know I'm her second choice. If she isn't doing anything with her other group, she calls me. It's fine if she is better friends with them now. I think it's good to have more than one friend, but I'm coming to the realization that this friendship has changed. I guess it's normal though. Things change over 24 years.

 

It does make me said that she felt she had to lie to me, but I also haven't been a saint. So how can I criticize her when I neglected our friendship at one point?

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