King_Crimson Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) Hey guys, So I have this friend, I've known him since I was about 5 years old (I'm 26 now). Long story short, we were best friends for a long time but we've kinda drifted apart as we've gotten older. He can be pretty controlling, possessive, and childish. He also has a bad lifestyle (drugs, etc) that I like to stay away from. Anyways, we had a bit of a disagreement a week ago. I ended up blocking his number because he was harassing me... called me 20ish times. Yesterday he came to my house uninvited looking for me. When I noticed it was him I didn't answer the door (he can get pretty confrontational about things). He left a gift for me by the front door (saying it was for my birthday which was three months prior) and then left a message on my Facebook saying that him and his girlfriend are getting married and wants me to be his best man. I'm so torn about it. I feel terrible about pushing a friend away, even more so when he asks me to be the best man... I'm very honoured by it. But I feel so distant from him now and I dread spending time with him because of the way he makes me feel. What do you guys think, ? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Edited January 27, 2017 by King_Crimson Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 There's no excuse for him harassing anyone like that. I can see why that alone might make you want to just get away from him since he's as overwhelming as the Wake of Poseidon. That said, you've known him all your life and you are probably his only friend (assuming everyone else cleared out). Unless you know that he has someone else to ask to be his best man, a brother, a friend, I kind of think the longevity of your relationship demands you stand up for him on this occasion. After that you can dump him if you want. Maybe marriage will keep him too busy to be harassing you and will also give you an excuse not to go do things with him "Hey, aren't you a married man now?" and also if he has kids, maybe that will slow him down a little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 You don't need to do anything you don't want to do. Plus you have drifted apart over the years and don't feel good around him so keep your distance. There's no need to feel bad about it. A few cousins have asked me to be a bridesmaid on a few occasions and I said no every time. Just not my thing so I'm not going to do it and I don't feel bad at all. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 If your heart is not in it, politely decline. Do tell him you are honored that he asked & that you wish him & his FI well. Understand he may terminate the friendship but it sounds like that will just be another of his hot headed reactions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Dropping off the gift after all that, he's manipulative. That's a classless move and one to make you feel guilty. DO NOT feel guilty. You two have grown apart and the friendship has changed. Tell him that you appreciate his offer but respectfully have to turn it down. No need to go into details. If he asks why, all you have to say is there's a lot going on in your life and you can't take on the role of his best man. If he pushes it, just tell him no and not to ask again. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 There's no excuse for him harassing anyone like that. I can see why that alone might make you want to just get away from him since he's as overwhelming as the Wake of Poseidon. That said, you've known him all your life and you are probably his only friend (assuming everyone else cleared out). Unless you know that he has someone else to ask to be his best man, a brother, a friend, I kind of think the longevity of your relationship demands you stand up for him on this occasion. After that you can dump him if you want. Maybe marriage will keep him too busy to be harassing you and will also give you an excuse not to go do things with him "Hey, aren't you a married man now?" and also if he has kids, maybe that will slow him down a little. I see what you did there... Personally, I woudn't even attend the wedding of someone I didn't care for, let alone be their best man. Link to post Share on other sites
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