Best friend of 20 years screwed me over. Finding it hard to trust ANYONE now!!!

[Curious-One]

I had a best friend that i knew for almost 20 years screw me over and now i am having hard time trusting ANYONE.

 

Honestly i am being complete dick to many of my other friends , refusing to hangout barely replying to texts and just hating the whole human race over this. I know this is wrong and not a good way to live and its not rational but i still find my self doing it.Have any of you went through this and what is the best way to fix this.

Edited January 10, 2017 by Curious-One

[DrReplyInRhymes]

You could move to a new state, make new friends,

Don't associate with the old, break off those ends.

Everyone makes mistakes, but some mistakes you can't pass,

So it's best to go make a new life somewhere else where it'll last!

[stillafool]

What do you mean screw you over? What did he do?

[Ronni_W]

Have any of you went through this and what is the best way to fix this.

Hi Curious-One.

Yes, I have also experienced such a deep sense of betrayal. It took a long while for me to come to the realization that what I was most afraid of, after that, was to have to re-experience my own sense of embarrassment or humiliation for being "so stupid as to let that happen to me in the first place".

 

But, the truth of the matter is that their betrayal says something about them, and nothing about me. It is not "stupid" to trust people who have never before given any reason to doubt their trustworthiness and loyalty.

At the same time, it isn't logical or reasonable to STOP trusting people who have never given you any reason to doubt their friendship, trustworthiness and loyalty.

 

Have you tried asking your friend to explain his/her motivations and actions? It is possible that they did not see it as a betrayal, or, at least, not at the same level of betrayal that you have perceived and experienced it. (I would offer to keep an open mind until you've done what you can to see the situation from the other person's point of view. It's possible it is repairable, but that will need honesty and love from both sides; and understanding and forgiveness.)

 

In my own case it was irreparable because the person was more invested in 'being right' and, thus, could not admit that she had made a mistake and, thus, could not offer a genuine apology. BUT. This was just one person and not ALL of my friends and people in my social circle. To tar everyone with the same brush would have been a mistake on my part. (Don't do that! .)

 

Best of luck.

[preraph]

It's anger. I have been thoroughly screwed over by a best friend and really, it makes you so angry and you do lose trust in everyone else, because if you can't trust a close friend to care enough about you not to hurt you, then who the heck can you trust?

 

My only strand of consolative advice since then came from a new close friend who said, Look you're either a person who would do that or you're not, and I'm not, so you can trust me.