LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

Would it be considered intrusive if a "new friend" asked me about my finances?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree4Likes
  • 1 Post By Mumbles
  • 2 Post By Simple Logic
  • 1 Post By SunnyWeather
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 5th January 2017, 7:03 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 50
Would it be considered intrusive if a "new friend" asked me about my finances?

So I am a grad student in a medical program, and I am using student loans for my cost of attendance. I have borrowed student loans for undergrad in the past, I am responsible with money, and I have paid a good portion of it back before starting my grad program.

I usually don't mind talking to others who also have loans (students in my class); however, when I go out and meet other people who are not going to school they tend to be very judgmental and asking questions about my finances. Why aren't your parents paying for school? Is your boyfriend paying your bills? How much student loans do you have? It kind of makes me irritated and I don't want to answer.

I recently just started texting this one girl I met through a meetup and she asked if I worked or if my boyfriend supported me. I was kind of shocked she would ask this through a text when she doesn't even know me.

How do you avoid talking about your finances when you don't feel comfortable? Or is this just a normal topic people engage in nowadays with random strangers at the bars?! lol. I am an introvert trying to make friends but this is something I don't like to talk about with just anyone.
lilmiscassie92 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 8:39 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 854
Where are you from? Roughly? I think a lot of this is cultural.

I have an anglo background and money isn't spoken of, its considered extremely rude to do so. My wife however is from a different part of the world and the whole money thing is usually raised quite early on in conversations, even with complete strangers.

My wifes culture is extremely money focused and they use this above all else to 'rank' people. I personally find this extremely annoying as my own culture ranks people by personal achievement ... yes that might include financial success but its usually more subtle and at face value ranks deeds and accomplishment as more important.

In my wifes culture if you were being supported by your boyfriend this would rank you highly, possibly more highly than doing it yourself. In mine, 'doing it yourself' is ranked more highly ... so you see, it really matters, when trying to nut out what people are trying to find out about you, what your social norms are.

For mine, I always side step such questions as it rankles me.
basil67 likes this.
Mumbles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 9:40 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 7,088
I am also wondering if it's cultural. I'm western and wouldn't say this. But I've known people from other cultures who ask questions about money which leave me floored. Obviously it's normal for them.

If you don't want to talk about it, reply with "I beg your pardon!" or "I don't discuss my finances with people I don't know well"
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 9:43 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 548
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmiscassie92 View Post
So I am a grad student in a medical program, and I am using student loans for my cost of attendance. I have borrowed student loans for undergrad in the past, I am responsible with money, and I have paid a good portion of it back before starting my grad program.

I usually don't mind talking to others who also have loans (students in my class); however, when I go out and meet other people who are not going to school they tend to be very judgmental and asking questions about my finances. Why aren't your parents paying for school? Is your boyfriend paying your bills? How much student loans do you have? It kind of makes me irritated and I don't want to answer.

I recently just started texting this one girl I met through a meetup and she asked if I worked or if my boyfriend supported me. I was kind of shocked she would ask this through a text when she doesn't even know me.

How do you avoid talking about your finances when you don't feel comfortable? Or is this just a normal topic people engage in nowadays with random strangers at the bars?! lol. I am an introvert trying to make friends but this is something I don't like to talk about with just anyone.
Tell them you being successful paying for your education through donations and ask if they want to contribute. That will shut em up.
Simple Logic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 9:57 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Shanex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,718
Journal Entries: 3
I'd also dodge any questions like that, it's personal and no-one else business anyway.
Shanex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 10:15 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 315
I often respond to nosy questions with my own question:

Why do you want to know?

That usually shuts them up.
basil67 likes this.
SunnyWeather is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th January 2017, 12:27 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 17,447
I'd be leery of any new acquaintance, especially online, who was trying to find out if I or my boyfriend or parents had money. But the actual way I'd handle the direct questions would be to blow them off and change the subject or just be vague, like "all of the above" or "none of the above -- not your problem" or "money talk to too depressing - let's not."
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
"Frat boy" "Jock" "Sports dude" "Players" "Dark Triad" "Cool" its a lifestyle Dating 14 26th February 2013 6:10 PM
Why is it Considered "Bitching" or "Accusing," When Asking a Simple Question? butterflygrl Marriage & Life Partnerships 11 15th October 2004 10:42 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:42 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.