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Am I childish? Attention seeking friend


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 2nd January 2017, 1:40 AM   #1
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Am I childish? Attention seeking friend

Happy New Year everyone

There is a girl(23yo) I(29yo) used to work with who we used to be very close friends but I kinda drifted away.

Long story short, I feel like she's just an attention seeker who just uses you to fill her needs in every way.

When I first met her she worked in front reception, and my first impression of her was an unfriendly person.
Before we got close, I saw her at work but just saying hi and that's it, until I moved into her department. Then she told me "It would be really cool working with you in reception!" I felt bit weird that we never really had conversation but she said nice thing like this but I was happy to hear some positive comment.
As we worked together and talked bit more we really got along, which was awesome, and she started to call me "best friend." We messaged a lot, chatted a lot, and spent sometimes outside of work hours.
But I always had this impression that she likes attention from everyone (especially boys), that makes me question her behaviour. Few things I can think about now are;
-There was this guy who messaged her sexually inappropriate thing, and she told me that it disgusted her and she blocked him, and few months later she unblocked him and talking to him normally. I asked her why she's still friends with him on social media and she said "I feel like FB stalking him sometimes."
-Some random guy(same work place) on airplane next to her tried to talked to her and touching her hand/arm and she told me that she felt annoying/gross, so I asked her if she told him to stop touching, she said "I tried and kind of pushed him away", I told her "You should really say something to them if you didn't like it, otherwise one day it can get you into a big trouble" and she was like "Yeah..."(I had an impression of her not really care about my advise)
I didn't really care about it until she did similar thing to one of my male friends - Let's call him Tim(who I have no feeling or anything, just purely a good friend). One day she told me all of the sudden that Tim's girlfriend tried to call her and she didn't answer(They don't know each other). I asked her "why would she be calling you?" and she said she doesn't know. Few weeks later I was catching up with Tim for drink, apparently she saw us and when I was alone she stormed towards me and told me that she went to Tim's house alone(her other friend was meant to be there but she cancelled) and he tried to make his move and tried to kiss her and touch her, he's a really bad guy with no respect to others, he didn't stop and she has to escape his place. And she said "I saw you two together and I didn't want him to make a move to you after what he did to me, and I didn't want you to fall for him" I was like "Why you telling me this? You know that me and Tim has been friend for few years and there's nothing between us" and she said "I just wanted you to know".
I've spoke to Tim later and told him that I heard the story, and he told me "I really liked her and I thought she felt the same way".
After she did that to my friend it made me didn't really want to talk to her, along with all the actions she takes towards other guys.
I've been telling her that she would get into trouble one day(like raping worst case scenario), and shouldn't act like the way she is now, but she doesn't listen to it and keep acting the same way, but she came to me complaining how guys been acting weird to her.

So I drifted away from her, I changed work and I now don't see her at all, or message her. It is kinda sad as we got along well in some way and we had lots of fun, and sometimes makes me think about her but thinking she hasn't changed about it would makes me feel annoying so I don't bother contacting her.
I thought maybe I was jealous of her getting all the attention??
I feel very childish about this sometimes but again I couldn't stand the way she acts.
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Old 2nd January 2017, 2:26 AM   #2
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>>along with all the actions she takes towards other guys.
I've been telling her that she would get into trouble one day(like raping worst case scenario), and shouldn't act like the way she is now, but she doesn't listen to it and keep acting the same way, but she came to me complaining how guys been acting weird to her.<<

Wow. It sounds like you dropped straight out of the 1980's. Have you not realised yet that no woman asks to be raped? If a woman is raped, it is the fault of the man holding her down.

I grant you times are changing and many young women are learning about laying down clear boundaries. But many young women still struggle with the idea of not offending people and therefore struggle with personal boundaries. Other young women who lacked paternal attention when growing up do tend to replace it with the attention of young men. Young women and their interaction with the opposite sex is a very complex issue and is something that crusty old women like myself do our best to educate our daughters about.

Also, you say you are good friends with Tim. You also say that Tim has no respect to others. This hardly places you in a position to be judgmental about the relationship choices of others. If Tim rapes this girl, I'm wondering who you will blame.

Go and read some Clementine Ford
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Old 2nd January 2017, 9:39 AM   #3
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Hi basil67,

I didn't say that if she gets raped she asked for it. There are crazy people out there gets mad with relationship matters and do crazy things. I only advised her to be careful concerning her safety.

I did not say that Tim has no respect to others that's what the girl said.
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Old 2nd January 2017, 7:54 PM   #4
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I think when you see her, you should just be kind and friendly. It doesn't sound like you gave her much chance from the get go. Maybe you thought she was unfriendly but she's actually reserved or shy? And her telling these stories from her dating life is a way of bonding.

I've been in some very close situations with guys so I can really see it from her point of view. Not being able to ward off the advances of a guy who is being creepy towards you doesn't mean you're secretly enjoying the attention. Sometimes it escalates too quickly for you to escape from it. I mean on one occasion, a guy stuck his hand down my pants in a nightclub (I didn't do anything to attract that, I was just standing at the bar counter ordering a drink and he was behind me). Another time I made a poor decision but I still don't think I deserved what happened to me. Went on a date with a guy and he lived on same railway line as me and on the way back. I was sitting the seat near the window and he kept trying to touch and I kept pushing him off but despite these attempts, he went and touched me down my top (again it happened too quickly for me to do anything to stop it).

Tim sounds a little dodgy. I knew a guy like that - he had a fiance but would hit on other girls, including me at one point. I kept a wide berth but still had to deal with the gf even though it had nothing to do with me.

Talking about these incidents may not be her showing off about it in a "hey these men are throwing themselves at me" kind of way. I know genuinely that there are guys like that out there who do act in that kind of way.
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Old 2nd January 2017, 7:55 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ash888 View Post
Hi basil67,

I didn't say that if she gets raped she asked for it. There are crazy people out there gets mad with relationship matters and do crazy things. I only advised her to be careful concerning her safety.

I did not say that Tim has no respect to others that's what the girl said.
Maybe you could help her and give her advice on what to do about certain guys or how to spot the bad ones?
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Old 2nd January 2017, 11:16 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ash888 View Post
Hi basil67,

I didn't say that if she gets raped she asked for it. There are crazy people out there gets mad with relationship matters and do crazy things. I only advised her to be careful concerning her safety.
Yeah, you did. When you said: I've been telling her that she would get into trouble one day(like raping worst case scenario), and shouldn't act like the way she is now. This is classic victim blaming.

If you don't like her, then stop hanging out with her. But don't make the mistake of thinking that a woman ever brings rape on herself. Yes, there are crazy people out there, but let's keep the blame where it belongs: With the men who choose to rape.
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