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My best friend stole my FWB. Why does it hurt so much?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 31st December 2016, 1:57 PM   #1
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Angry My best friend stole my FWB. Why does it hurt so much?

We weren't together but I had a LOT of fun with him. He gave me really good advice and bought me things when I needed them and made me laugh like crazy and the sex was AMAZING. I was really depressed and he brought me up. He was like the brother I never had... plus really good sex. I guess I just wanted to keep that to myself. He told me from the get-go that he wasn't a relationship guy and that he couldn't form attachments so that's what I was prepared for, I was ok with that (or so I thought) because I already had a boyfriend (long distance).

...Until he met my best friend. Then all of a sudden he wouldn't stop bringing her up in our conversations, asking me for her number so he could "become better friends with her" and even joking about threesomes between us three (for which he got slaps to the face each time). I told her this and she would just laugh. I asked her one night what she thought about him and she said "He's an awesome dude. Super hot too. You hit the jackpot with this fwb." Then one day when me and him hung out he asked me "what if I asked her out?" I laughed it off but I couldn't deny that it broke my heart in two. He always said he wasn't a relationship guy... yet with her he could be? I began distancing myself from him.

So the next morning I told her what she said. She just looked really shocked but then started laughing. She said "he's just trying to get a rise out of you." Then I asked her what if he really does ask you out? And she said "oh you don't have to worry about that." So I didn't stress about it. Then all of a sudden I didn't hear from either of them in 3 days. And when I saw him again, he told me they were together! He said he hopes he and I could still be friends (without the benefits) and I just slapped him. I was mainly fuming at HER, especially since I had to hear this from him. Then he said the one thing that broke my heart the most: "Do whatever you want to me but don't you dare come after her." He'd already prioritized her over me. My best friend called me saying she wanted to tell me before he did and to let her explain herself but I told her to **** off. Now I no longer have two people who were important to me because they chose each other.

I can't sleep or eat, I'm in so much pain and rage. I can't stop imagining them together- he told me they slept together the day before he asked her out. I feel so abandoned, betrayed, and pushed aside even though I technically shouldn't. Help.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:04 PM   #2
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he sounds like a player to me, other women will smile at him

her time will come...
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:06 PM   #3
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I'm so sorry you are hurt. That's the unfortunate benefit of being a FWB; there is no commitment. This guy was making it clear from the start he wasn't going to commit to you and you accepted this. Unfortunately you fell in love with him but the feelings weren't returned. Did you tell your best friend you were in love with this guy and eventually wanted a relationship with him? Still, if it were my best friend I would never do what she did as I wouldn't want my friends seconds.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:13 PM   #4
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I'm so sorry you are hurt. That's the unfortunate benefit of being a FWB; there is no commitment. This guy was making it clear from the start he wasn't going to commit to you and you accepted this. Unfortunately you fell in love with him but the feelings weren't returned. Did you tell your best friend you were in love with this guy and eventually wanted a relationship with him? Still, if it were my best friend I would never do what she did as I wouldn't want my friends seconds.
The thing is, I wasn't in love with him, my boyfriend had all of my love (still does). But it still hurts. Do you think maybe I did love him deep down? She asked me if I had feelings for him and I said I didn't, I should have said yes. Then this wouldn't have happened.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:16 PM   #5
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he sounds like a player to me, other women will smile at him

her time will come...
He's a total player, I can't wait until he cheats on her. Sounds mean but you get what you give right?
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:16 PM   #6
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I feel sorry for your BF.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:18 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Alphaqueen View Post
The thing is, I wasn't in love with him, my boyfriend had all of my love (still does). But it still hurts. Do you think maybe I did love him deep down? She asked me if I had feelings for him and I said I didn't, I should have said yes. Then this wouldn't have happened.
I don't understand what you're all upset about. Why would you begrudge these two people their happiness? Sounds like your friendship is all about you and nothing about them.

You lost a guy who bangs you. Big deal. I'll bet you can find one of those on every corner.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:23 PM   #8
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I feel sorry for your BF.
Don't, I told him and he forgave me.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:25 PM   #9
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I don't understand what you're all upset about. Why would you begrudge these two people their happiness? Sounds like your friendship is all about you and nothing about them.

You lost a guy who bangs you. Big deal. I'll bet you can find one of those on every corner.
He was more than a "guy who bangs me". He was someone who brought me out of my depression.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:27 PM   #10
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The thing is, I wasn't in love with him, my boyfriend had all of my love (still does). But it still hurts. Do you think maybe I did love him deep down? She asked me if I had feelings for him and I said I didn't, I should have said yes. Then this wouldn't have happened.
I hate to say this but if this guy knew you had a bf and still wanted to be his FWB he would never look at you as relationship material. Does your friend have a bf? Now I kind of understand why your friend went for him. She knew you had a bf already so she didn't think you were serious about this guy. She confirmed this by asking you. Considering the circumstances neither of them are doing anything wrong. He may be a player but maybe he will get serious with her. Only time will tell.
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Old 31st December 2016, 2:39 PM   #11
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I hate to say this but if this guy knew you had a bf and still wanted to be his FWB he would never look at you as relationship material. Does your friend have a bf? Now I kind of understand why your friend went for him. She knew you had a bf already so she didn't think you were serious about this guy. She confirmed this by asking you. Considering the circumstances neither of them are doing anything wrong. He may be a player but maybe he will get serious with her. Only time will tell.
Well I should have mentioned that she only asked me that because I told her I felt jealous of his interest in her. So I feel like that should've been enough to keep her away. Have you ever had a friend that you were so close to you felt possessive? It was a lot like that, plus intense sexual attraction and... boom.

Man I'm just now realizing, what he and I had basically was a relationship!
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Old 31st December 2016, 3:11 PM   #12
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You may have had a relationship with him, he didn't with you or rather not the type of relationship you really wanted him to have with you.

It might help to distance yourself from these two people in order for you to gain perspective of what you really want out of a relationship because these two plus your boyfriend do not seem to be meeting your "friend" requirements.
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Old 31st December 2016, 3:40 PM   #13
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He was more than a "guy who bangs me". He was someone who brought me out of my depression.
The self-deception in that is staggering. OK, he was such a great and uplifting friend that when he decided to stop banging you, because of someone else, that you were no longer interested in being friends?

Yeah, that makes total sense.

I can't make sense of what you're upset about. Here's my list of candidates:

1) Her, for putting the moves on this guy after you gave her the green light.
2) Him, for stopping the sex once he got a girlfriend
3) Your BF, for not caring enough to dump you
4) You, for giving the green light to your friend

Last edited by LargoLagg; 31st December 2016 at 3:46 PM..
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Old 31st December 2016, 3:47 PM   #14
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Well I should have mentioned that she only asked me that because I told her I felt jealous of his interest in her. So I feel like that should've been enough to keep her away. Have you ever had a friend that you were so close to you felt possessive? It was a lot like that, plus intense sexual attraction and... boom.

Man I'm just now realizing, what he and I had basically was a relationship!
She probably felt that your feeling jealous of his interest in her was somewhat normal considering you've been having sex with him; however the fact that you already have a bf you are supposed to be in love with trumped anything serious that could happen between you and the FWB guy. He may have seen relationship material in her. What does your bf say about this situation since he is aware that you had a FWB?
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Old 31st December 2016, 4:00 PM   #15
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Oh, I re-read your story. I think I missed something big the first time around. OK, I get it. You can't really blame him, he was pretty up front about things. She, on the other hand, betrayed you, although you could have been clearer about your wishes.

The minute he took an interest in her, you were done, whether you knew it or not. There was nothing you could have done to change his interest. I also agree with the comment that him knowing that you were banging him on the side while having a LDR didn't make you a great candidate for the position of girlfriend, and pretty much disqualified you from ever being that to him.

What can you do except kick yourself in the butt for a little while and learn from your mistakes.
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