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Woman I've been with 3 yrs says shes in FWB, WTF?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 30th December 2016, 11:39 AM   #46
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Hahaha the old "it's not you, it's me line"

And I guess she still wasn't ready for you, that's why she had an active online dating account.

And come on, you said yourself that you have had FWB. So why are you so confused as to how these things work?

When you have a FWB, you are still single! You aren't "with" someone. You aren't in a relationship with them. You don't do "couples" things with them. You have sex with them. It's to scratch an itch. It's so you don't have to go without sex while still dating and looking for someone you DO want to be in a relationship with.

Maybe it's your age? The younger set is more used to this.

I would much rather have a FWB while single then ONS and casual sex with randoms while dating. And celibacy? yeah, no, not when you can have a FWB.
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Old 30th December 2016, 12:08 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by WallyOkB4 View Post
Paraphrasing here but it basically goes like this: Wally, It's not you so please don't take it personally, I just don't want to get involved with ANYONE right now, I don't care WHO they are... And sure enough, she didn't!

Now, I know what all you girls are going to say! That's just her way of saying, "she's just not into you"! To which I say BULL****!

After hearing her talk about what a raging lunatic her X was, and how he was holding all her personal possessions hostage from her at the time, and all the crazy schemes she was talking about to get them back, this kinda made sense to me. I've been there too, where I didn't want to get involved with anyone at the time! Problem was, she was involved with someone! Her FWB guy!
Because her ex was a lunatic and because your ego was a bit high, YOU chose to think that if she ever gets over this, then "Here am I, ready and waiting. I am no lunatic, I am a great guy, OF COURSE she will be interested in me, what's not to like?"

BUT because she was "abused", hurt and damaged didn't mean she was going to turn to the first "nice guy" that showed up and she didn't, did she? She already had a contingency plan drawn up before she even met you.
YOU became the friend she needed and no doubt she was a good friend to you too.
It was possible for her to be hurt, damaged and abused and not "into you" but you refused to see that, refused to countenance that. I guess your "player" ego is still alive and kicking. Irresistible to women...

YOU thought friend, potential friend with benefits, potential gf... only a matter of time... SHE simply thought friend.
You just weren't listening to her, as you had your own agenda and plans for her future drawn up.

We all need friends, I suggest you try and build some bridges here.
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Old 30th December 2016, 12:09 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
You were running a scam on this woman, making up God knows what all kinds of excuses for why "it" wasn't happening. You have no idea if she's been dating or not because she has been tastefully private about that up until when you tried to make her jealous by telling her about your date. If she hasn't found a serious relationship in 3 years, that means nothing except that it's hard to find the right person, really hard. I certainly went years in between any serious relationships and sometimes years in between casual ones. Most women aren't like men, where they'll take what they can get if they can't get what they want because they're not that desperate sexually. If she's got an FWB, I bet he's hot. He's probably not anyone she considers marriage material because of other things, like he's not to that stage or other practical suitability reasons, but she wouldn't be doing him if he wasn't attractive physically to him. Just like she wasn't doing you.

You are the deceitful one in this relationship. You're the one who pretended to be chill just so she would allow you to lurk around her, and you are the one who didn't face reality and let three years go by on this dead-end road. You are very disrespectful about women. You think they're so stupid you can just trick them into having sex with you or they're so weak you can wear them down to settle for you, and you don't even find value in them except for physical things, and you also are delusional about them in the extreme if you were able to not see in three years AND after her letting you know that she was not romantically interested in you. You have no respect that she is capable of making the right choices for herself. I'm sure the longer she got to know you, the more often she thought, "Dodged a bullet there."

If you don't wake up and start dealing with reality going forward, this is going to keep happening to you.


I wasn't the deceitful one at all, she was! I always told her in no uncertain terms: Look, I'm not going to apologies for being a straight, heterosexual male! I am not your GAY guy friend, and I am not your girlfriend, and I will never, repeat, NEVER go shopping with you! So if that's what you're looking for, I'm the wrong person and perhaps you should just move along! She didn't!

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 30th December 2016 at 4:58 PM.. Reason: off topic commentary ~T
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Old 30th December 2016, 12:24 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by WallyOkB4 View Post
I wasn't the deceitful one at all, she was! I always told her in no uncertain terms: Look, I'm not going to apologies for being a straight, heterosexual male! I am not your GAY guy friend, and I am not your girlfriend, and I will never, repeat, NEVER go shopping with you! So if that's what you're looking for, I'm the wrong person and perhaps you should just move along! She didn't!

!
Yes, but you apparently didn't hit on her for three years, so why on earth would she think you were more than a friend?
If a guy is continually rubbing himself up on my leg then I get the message he wants to have sex with me, but of he is hanging around "as a friend", then I will treat him "as a friend".
I am well aware heterosexual men often have an agenda as far as women are concerned and if the unwanted sexual agenda all gets too much then I will move on, but if he is merely acting like any other friend then I will treat him as a friend too.
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Old 30th December 2016, 12:30 PM   #50
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Yes, but you apparently didn't hit on her for three years, so why on earth would she think you were more than a friend?
If a guy is continually rubbing himself up on my leg then I get the message he wants to have sex with me, but of he is hanging around "as a friend", then I will treat him "as a friend".
I am well aware heterosexual men often have an agenda as far as women are concerned and if the unwanted sexual agenda all gets too much then I will move on, but if he is merely acting like any other friend then I will treat him as a friend too.
Where on the hell did you read I didn't hit on her in three years! Of course I did! I may not been as brutal about it as I may have otherwise been at certain times, and that's what I mean by having held back some!

If I had a dollar for every women who told be she just wanted to be friends who I later turned around and banged many times, well, I could buy as both a six pack of beer, that's for sure!
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Old 30th December 2016, 12:58 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Hahaha the old "it's not you, it's me line"

And I guess she still wasn't ready for you, that's why she had an active online dating account.

And come on, you said yourself that you have had FWB. So why are you so confused as to how these things work?

When you have a FWB, you are still single! You aren't "with" someone. You aren't in a relationship with them. You don't do "couples" things with them. You have sex with them. It's to scratch an itch. It's so you don't have to go without sex while still dating and looking for someone you DO want to be in a relationship with.

Maybe it's your age? The younger set is more used to this.

I would much rather have a FWB while single then ONS and casual sex with randoms while dating. And celibacy? yeah, no, not when you can have a FWB.

You need to go back and read my posts again because you don't really seem to get much of what I've said at all! The Celibacy thing was a joke!

Also I don't have a FWB! If you read what I said, I had one once! ONCE! I found it impossible to sleep with someone on a regular basis like that and not develop feelings for them. Apparently she did too, because she became crazy when I dumped her.
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Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 30th December 2016 at 5:02 PM.. Reason: rude comment directed at another member ~T
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Old 30th December 2016, 3:08 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by WallyOkB4 View Post
Where on the hell did you read I didn't hit on her in three years! Of course I did! I may not been as brutal about it as I may have otherwise been at certain times, and that's what I mean by having held back some!

If I had a dollar for every women who told be she just wanted to be friends who I later turned around and banged many times, well, I could buy as both a six pack of beer, that's for sure!
Don't ever be brutal.

Frankly, it sounds as though you're ticked that she out-gamed you.

Maybe a bit of a midlife crisis in there too.
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Old 30th December 2016, 3:25 PM   #53
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Most of us would not stay "friends" with a guy we told we didn't want to date if he continued to hit on us constantly. That's not a friend. Male female straight gay you don't hit on your friends! So you hit on her initially and she told you no. So you hung around and paid for things and played in the friend zone. That's on you buddy. Seriously, you are really upset over something that supposedly is no big deal to you.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 30th December 2016 at 5:10 PM.. Reason: language~T
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Old 30th December 2016, 3:51 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
Don't ever be brutal.

Frankly, it sounds as though you're ticked that she out-gamed you.

Maybe a bit of a midlife crisis in there too.
Yea probably a little butt hurt I was out-gamed! That's true!

Midlife crisis? Well I don't know? I do know for sure the whole situation would have been much different 10 years ago!
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Old 30th December 2016, 4:08 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by WallyOkB4 View Post
If a guy was not exclusive with you in three weeks you would not continue? WOW! That's a pretty definite answer to a very vague set of circumstances! That's like saying I would never date a guy under 5' 10", and then refusing the guy who looks like Brad Pitt and treats you like a princess because he's 5' 9.5"! Of course there will be that guy who looks almost as good whose 5'11", but in six months you'll be beaten up by! And what about the perfect guy who's just going to take a little longer than the three week rule? Do you dump him? What if you find out he's got a FWB going on and not quite sure if he wants to trade her in for you or not? That's a pretty big commitment because the FWB might not return if you all don't work out and I'm sure they're hard to come by! More so for guys of course! I mean, he hasn't slept with you yet presumably. Or if he has, he's broken it off with FWB, right! That's the proper protocol right? What if he doesn't? What if he decides there's a lot more there with the FWB than what he thought after trying to break it off? You see, weather you want to admit it or not, yes you are involved with someone else! The other person probably just doesn't know about it because you refuse to see it that way!
Quite simply, if a guy wasn't open and available - I wouldn't bother with him. And if he couldn't decide between me and his FWB, then it's a clear sign that he's not adequately into me and not worth spending more time with. His decision making process regarding the loss of a FWB is not my concern. If he wants me, I'm here. If he's not ready, he misses out. If this makes him sad, that is not my problem.

Thing is, you're talking to a woman who has been ruthless when dating. And it has served me well. Nobody is so great that they are worth waiting for....especially when there will be other good men who are available just around the corner.
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Old 30th December 2016, 8:18 PM   #56
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After review and a bit of clean-up I'll reopen this one with he reminder that While Differences of opinion are always welcome ,ALL participants are expected to post respectfully. ~T
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Old 30th December 2016, 11:32 PM   #57
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I have considered much of your input and have moved my position somewhat because of it. I hope some of you may have even gotten a point or two that I tried to make. One thing I would like to say before leaving this forum; when I was in my 30's I thought I knew everything like many my age did! It wasn't until my mid 40's before I realized how much I truly don't know, like many my age have come to realize too. Bookmark that or write it down to reference when your that age and see if you don't agree too!

Now carry on, and Peace!

Wally!

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 31st December 2016 at 7:29 AM.. Reason: removed pokes at moderation
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