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So upset. I can't handle it. What do I do??


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 10th January 2017, 3:56 PM   #61
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Yes in fact I do. She tells me about her days and work stuff all the time and she only works two days a week. 8 days a month. Also all her kids are in school full time so her days off she gets all to herself- they also take about 6 trips a year - lots of vacation and she had 10 days off straight over the holidays. I am not clueless that she is busy. I also know what she does with her time and how terrrivoe she is at managing it. She told me she only plans for trips- everything else is fly by the seat of her pants and not til like the day before. Some of her stress she adds to because of that. If she took some time to get organized she wouldn't be so full of chaos. Why do you assume I don't know she is busy? Or that she gets to just use her being a doctor for a cop out when treating people poorly?
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Old 10th January 2017, 5:23 PM   #62
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I can see why you are confused. It's like you are being led on and then she changes course on you. You get angry at what she has done, she then reaches out again, you forgive her and think you are moving forward in the friendship only to have her do the same thing to you again. TBH, if I were you after this happened more than three times I probably wouldn't speak to her again; but that's just me. I'm thinking the only thing you can do is give her the same treatment to let her know how it feels. If she calls or texts you again, don't reply.
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Old 10th January 2017, 5:24 PM   #63
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Yes in fact I do. She tells me about her days and work stuff all the time and she only works two days a week. 8 days a month. Also all her kids are in school full time so her days off she gets all to herself- they also take about 6 trips a year - lots of vacation and she had 10 days off straight over the holidays. I am not clueless that she is busy. I also know what she does with her time and how terrrivoe she is at managing it. She told me she only plans for trips- everything else is fly by the seat of her pants and not til like the day before. Some of her stress she adds to because of that. If she took some time to get organized she wouldn't be so full of chaos. Why do you assume I don't know she is busy? Or that she gets to just use her being a doctor for a cop out when treating people poorly?
Huh??????? No, I didn't assume that.

Last edited by stillafool; 10th January 2017 at 5:27 PM..
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Old 10th January 2017, 6:56 PM   #64
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That was meant for vevecakes statement about if I knew how busy my friend is being a doctor. Stillafool that is exactly it. And it makes no sense and that is why this friendship is so different and confusing and complicated. Last year when I tried to not reply or only gave one or two word responses like her, she would text me again- me then actually had the nerve to say I was being snippy and prickly. It totally took me off guard and really hurt. I was in tees. It's Ike she is so judgy towards me. But the problem with me not replying at all is Thai have to see her at the office and stuff with my kids and at school pick up. So I'm trying to find some way to make the friendship work without me getting so upset due to her behavior. I had the idea of being nice and asking her later this week about her grandma- before Christmas her grandma fell and had pneumonia and was possibly having surgery and maybe going on hospice - I was going to ask her on her day off how her grandma is doing but then is that being stupid? What if she ignores me or gives me her one word answer me then I end up more upset and frustrated? If this was any other friend I for ire would ask though.
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Old 11th January 2017, 9:15 AM   #65
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That was meant for vevecakes statement about if I knew how busy my friend is being a doctor. Stillafool that is exactly it. And it makes no sense and that is why this friendship is so different and confusing and complicated. Last year when I tried to not reply or only gave one or two word responses like her, she would text me again- me then actually had the nerve to say I was being snippy and prickly. It totally took me off guard and really hurt. I was in tees. It's Ike she is so judgy towards me. But the problem with me not replying at all is Thai have to see her at the office and stuff with my kids and at school pick up. So I'm trying to find some way to make the friendship work without me getting so upset due to her behavior. I had the idea of being nice and asking her later this week about her grandma- before Christmas her grandma fell and had pneumonia and was possibly having surgery and maybe going on hospice - I was going to ask her on her day off how her grandma is doing but then is that being stupid? What if she ignores me or gives me her one word answer me then I end up more upset and frustrated? If this was any other friend I for ire would ask though.
I wouldn't text or call her to ask her about her grandma; but when you see her at school to pick up the kids I would ask her then. If you call or text she might ignore or give a one word answer that will frustrate you.
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Old 11th January 2017, 9:57 AM   #66
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Originally Posted by Ksid13 View Post
Yes in fact I do. She tells me about her days and work stuff all the time and she only works two days a week. 8 days a month. Also all her kids are in school full time so her days off she gets all to herself- they also take about 6 trips a year - lots of vacation and she had 10 days off straight over the holidays. I am not clueless that she is busy. I also know what she does with her time and how terrrivoe she is at managing it. She told me she only plans for trips- everything else is fly by the seat of her pants and not til like the day before. Some of her stress she adds to because of that. If she took some time to get organized she wouldn't be so full of chaos. Why do you assume I don't know she is busy? Or that she gets to just use her being a doctor for a cop out when treating people poorly?
She didn't treat you poorly from anything I have read here. I am beginning to think you are a bit obsessed with this woman. I think you should make some space.
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Old 11th January 2017, 12:30 PM   #67
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Stillafool - I had actually decided the same thing and just now saw your reply. I decided I won't be rude or mean - and when we see each other I can inquire about stuff but I'm not making any attempt to reach out or communicate to her otherwise. Funny thing- this morning I posted a pic on FB of my son- with a sign that said "500 Days seizure Free"- this is huge huge huge - a couple years ago we couldn't get through a week and had to call ambulances and be rushed to the hospital more times than I can count. Guess who made a comment- this is what makes it so hard. She was the first one to write a comment too. Said "I'm so happy for him! And you too!" I don't get it at all. That was nice of her I am in complete shock actually- but still sticking to my plan of distancing. Thank you again for listening and helping and your advice!!!!
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:50 PM   #68
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OP,

I really think that you should get off social media.
It seems to be doing more harm than good.

I agree that you do seem obsessed with this woman.
Have you seen a counsellor?
This might help you to deal with the underlying issues that are causing you to focus so much on this woman.
I don't think this is really about HER.
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Old 11th January 2017, 10:53 PM   #69
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It's not anything about an obsession or even social media. Social media is just one example of how inconsistent she is. I don't base friendship on Facebook and actually think it ruins relationship quality. It's just one area though if communication and effort that causes me some feelings of hurt and rejection. Just because she is the one friend I have that I struggle with making sense of what it means to her and how I should look at it and handle it does not make me obsessed. It's that it keeps coming back to the same issue - just in different ways and situations and I'm sick of feeling the way I do. It's not all her- it is however her actions and lack of effort and the friendship being on her terms, etc that causes me to have issues of my own. How I react and respond is up to me, not her, but if she went about things differently- or the way I am used to- there wouldn't be a problem. I'm just trying to figure it out. Probably I am causing some more hurt than necessary because of my perspective or how I'm seeing it from my end. She may have no idea and may not mean to be making feel this way. But I'm fine just letting it be what it is. I'm done analyzing and trying. I'm done thinking about it. Either be my friend or don't. I'm not desperate or begging anyone to.
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