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Hurt and not sure what to think of friendship


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 18th December 2016, 12:37 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Ksid13 View Post
I just wanted some help on how to look at the situation better and feel more positive and less upset. I get that I can't explain every situation that has happened and how she is to the point that you will fully understand. Some of you say I'm expecting a higher level of friendship or more time or that the problem is me. Yet she is the one who talked my ear off for 3 hours last weekend about every aspect of her life- which she said she doesn't do with many people- so that is very conflicting. My son had an appt with her yesterday and she hugged me and told me about her grandman who just fell that morning and has pneumonia and probably won't get better and about her husband who hates his job and her daughter being sick and her having to be on call this weekend and she was sharing how she felt and then that one frIend of her mom got her leg amputated and is in ICU in California. I know she doesn't tell that to her other patients mom's. And she asked me to pray and hugged me again...so is this me expecting more from the friendship??? I don't think so. I think it's her deciding what she wants out of it and when...her terms and her needs and I am supposed to just be fine with that apparently. I'm not used to friendship being complicated or stressful and it bothers me- because I'm a good friend and person and take it personal, and I think I assume because she may not check in or say certain things or reach out like I may, that it means she doesn't care. I sent her a really nice email last night that I was thinking of her and glad she told me what was going on. That I had her Christmas gift and maybe sometime in the next couple weeks we could drop it off of there was a day she would be home and that my son would love to get together with hers over break one day if it worked out with their schedule. I also said I was praying for everyone and to keep me posted. She didn't even respond. I never would do that. I would have said something...even thank you or I'll let you know about break or Joe would love to get together one day. She was talking to me about how she worries about her middle child going to college one day - he's only 11, because he has epilepsy- and so does my middle child. And as she is telling me about it she says "you won't have to worry about that with Ethan". Really. wow. that hurts. ouch. She seriously does not think how she comes across. Am I not supposed to feel bad about that? It's totally ok because she may have closer friends and be a doctor?? It's still me expecting too much??! She told me last week she wanted to go to this concert in March. So I think I'm just stepping back and if she wants to share anything or get in touch before then or get her present...she can get ahold of me. I'm not going to be my usual caring ask her how things are going and about her grandma and stuff like I normally would. not gonna beg people to be in my life or try so hard.
You know the same thing happens with my hairdresser. I go in she tells me about everything that is going on in her life the entire time I am there. I share what is happening in mine. Then we part and don't speak to each other again until I come in for a hair cut which could be a couple months. I think this is the type of relationship you have with her. Again, if it bothers you this much just get another doctor who will not tell you her personal business. Also why are you buying her a Christmas present? Do you normally exchange gifts?
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Old 18th December 2016, 10:32 PM   #17
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I actually came to a place yesterday- of knowing what I want to do. I am only going to reach out or text or initiate communication when I am OK with whatever or no response from her. When I'm just being myself because that is who I am. honestly I am a really good friend. I have had my other friends tell me my positive qualities and strengths and what they appreciate about me all the time. So it's her loss. I don't need to waste my time or get emotionally stressed or down if she chooses to not treat me the way I wish she would. I can't change her. But I can change my way of handling my feelings and not letting her control them. I am fine with not a close friendship with her- truly she doesn't have many attributes that make her a good friend. I just don't want to have the torn feelings from her inconsistency wondering if she does care. Some people are just bad at expressing feelings and thinking of others and navigating friendship. This isn't for me to take personal. I know I've been a good friend to her and shown in care. I'm over trying. Take it or leave it....
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Old 19th December 2016, 2:04 AM   #18
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this is not at all like a hairdresser relationship. And that's pretty offensive. I get my kids teachers, bus drivers, aides, our pastor and their pediatrician something fyi..just a gift card and some of her favorite candy. I don't expect any of these to get my kids or myself something. She actually does a lot for my 3 kids and not just when in the office. They have serious medical stuff and one has major health issues and special needs...it's complicated and that's why I can't change doctors if I wanted to. also because our office is the only one within an hour drive.
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Old 23rd December 2016, 12:12 PM   #19
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I also get my hairdresser a Christmas gift and I don't see how what I said was offensive. Fine, if she's the doctor you need for your child's condition and you can't get another; so maybe just keep it on a professional level.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 3:30 PM   #20
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I have tried. I would stop contacting her at all for weeks - and anything medical I called the office and left a message. She would then out of the blue text me "hey sweet lady. been thinking of you. hope you are all healthy" or "I'm drinking out of the coffee mug from you and am thankful for you" or about some terrible emergency she had at work. So then we start being in more touch. That is the whole problem. she is so inconsistent. none of my other friends are like this. at all. She said "we should try to get together over break. I would love that" but then didn't hear from her once.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 3:36 PM   #21
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Just realize that her communication isn't going to be consistent. If she texts things like she is drinking out of the mug you gave her - just text back - Enjoy! and that's all. Keep it moving.
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