MissCongeniality Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Growing up I had lots of friends or rather I thought I did. As I got older most of my friends either went in different directions or turned into jerks. I don't have many friends now and the ones I do have I'm not very open with. If I could give my younger self advice it would be trust no one live without remorse. I had this one friend I was not good to in middle school nothing to bad we had the same crush. She went on to be one of cool kids and told every humiliating secret I ever had. Still for a while I still trusted her or rather I had hope things could be fixed BIG MISTAKE. I sometimes think I was not a good friend in middle school and maybe it was my fault then I remember how before middle school I got jumped by bullies on the last day of summer school she was right in front of me I ran to her for help and she just ran did nothing to help me. I also look back on that moment and I instantly start foaming at the mouth. I think.that was when she was really dead to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Yes friends are worth the trouble. Unfortunately the person you've described doesn't sound like she qualifies as being called friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Acquaintances, no. But friends, ppl you trust, are there for you, you can confide in and they won't pass judgment, etc., they are worth their weight in gold. True friends are rare gems, imo. Fair-weather ppl aren't really friends. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveFiend Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 (edited) Hmm... I think your expectations of people may be a little too high and that is why your feeling disappointment in friendships and that they let you down. Friends are worth the trouble, but some will hurt you and do things that signal they are now your enemy and not your friend. Don't let the few bad eggs give you a sour opinion of people. Maybe your wanting to much out friends and since they can't meet your expectations many seem to let you down. People are human. Everyone is different and won't see the world from the same lens you view the world. Keep that in mind. I will say though the one "friend" who told every humiliating secret you had is not a friend but an enemy. This is a backstabber who is out to hurt you. You will meet a lot of trash like this and don't let their actions bring you down. They want to hurt you and bring you down to their level, don't let them. These types tend to quickly get a reputation as a bad egg and lose the respect of everyone around them. Edited January 1, 2017 by LoveFiend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FastHands Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Genuine friends are worth it. Even if they are of different ages it's cool, but I think when they are close to your age is the best. Your basically going through what they are going through in life and can support you and give you courage. Link to post Share on other sites
kmpisces Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 There are times when I feel friends are not worth the trouble. But I have Aspergers so friendships can be more challenging for me. But I know it is important to have a couple close friends. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Growing up I had lots of friends or rather I thought I did. As I got older most of my friends either went in different directions or turned into jerks. I don't have many friends now and the ones I do have I'm not very open with. That isn't uncommon for most folks. We change as we grow up, especially from childhood into adulthood, and our permanent personalities emerge. Relationships change as people change. IMO it's OK to not have 'many' friends as long as the existing friendships are satisfying. You have total control over how open, or not, you are and how you perceive the relationships based on your own behavior. If you're good with not being open, you're good. Everyone is different. If I could give my younger self advice it would be trust no one live without remorse. I had this one friend I was not good to in middle school nothing to bad we had the same crush. She went on to be one of cool kids and told every humiliating secret I ever had. Still for a while I still trusted her or rather I had hope things could be fixed BIG MISTAKE. Young people, all of us at one point or another, do stuff that's counterproductive to healthy friendships, relationships, societal norms, laws, etc. No one is perfect. The people who are damaged, are damaged. Yeah, it sucks getting betrayed. No doubt. It writes a tape, your advice to your younger self being part of that tape. It'll be there forever. However, you choose how you process the tape. It's up to you. I sometimes think I was not a good friend in middle school and maybe it was my fault then I remember how before middle school I got jumped by bullies on the last day of summer school she was right in front of me I ran to her for help and she just ran did nothing to help me. Stuff happens. Everyone reacts to fear and danger differently and it's hard to know if one hasn't dealt with it, especially for a child. I also look back on that moment and I instantly start foaming at the mouth. I think.that was when she was really dead to me. That's the tape playing. I call them 'red tapes', basically reliving an emotional response from emotional memory of events long in the past. I suspect it happens to everyone in one way or another. On a positive note, I had a healthy and productive friendship develop out of similar experience that ended differently, where someone completely unknown to me, but evidently who had experience with fighting, jumped in and, meh, put the hurt on the bullies in a way that I never would have considered. He was a really quiet guy who kept to himself. Turned out he was embarrassed a bit by how poor his family was and where they lived but once we got over that we went on to have some great times until his family moved away. He was the guy who taught me how to fight. Unfortunately, for guys, physical violence was a part of our passage to adulthood in my generation. Those are my red tapes because I despise violence Anyway, I enjoy friends when they're around and make an effort to keep in touch. I also cherish alone time and don't feel anything lacking when friends aren't around and are off living their lives. Being at peace with oneself is a gift that, prior to marriage, I didn't really have a firm grasp on. It's better now. Good luck with your relationships and remember you choose how you process them and any of that ugliness of the past. Link to post Share on other sites
HazelBliss Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 It is so hard to make friends especially as adults. I'm 31 and can only count my true friends on 1 hand. I would say they aren't worth the trouble but that is because I had so many bad experiences. Open up more but don't tell your deepest darkest secrets. That is disgusting for someone to call you a friend and then tell your business.. that is how you know it was fake from the start.. sad Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Friends are worth the trouble but they are very hard to find. Currently, I have four close friends away from my husband. I've known one of them for 25 years. Our families know each other very well. The other three are far more recent but they are great ladies. They are caring, funny and accepting. The friends I have now make me realize that people I considered pals in the past were anything but. One of my friends is moving two hours away this week and I saw her today for what will be the last time for at least six. I wept a little bit when I got home because we have so much in common and it's hard to find decent friends. I'm going to miss her but I wish her well. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I think friends are important, but are your friends actually your friends is the question. A study (Are You Your Friends? Friend?) last year found, among other things, that most people do a poor job determining who their actual friends are. So worth the effort? Sometimes they are, sometimes they're not, but I don't think the answer is to not try at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 I don't think I could go without friends. It'd be such a lonely world...I don't think that girl you mentioned was a friend Link to post Share on other sites
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