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Self Esteem Perceptions between Friends


Mysterio

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I have asked this Question before in a different way.

 

My friend G. Is involved with a woman that has two kids. She has been separated from her Ex for about 7 yrs or so. For the sake of argument. They basically started going out Feb 2013. She introduced him to her kids around March of 2013. They had a kid in 2015 and are not going to have another one in 2016.

 

All this time. She has not ben able to get a Divorce from her ex currently.

 

I on the other had am single and will not get involved with a woman that is Separated. Kids or no Kids.

 

Is my Self esteem/worth stornger or above my friend who has a GF that can't get divorced from her ex and he puts up with it. Even though they are on their second kid. The First one was sort of planned. The second one was not.

 

Is she playing him. Am I being way to harsh over my not getting involved with a woman that is separated?

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I was separated (no kids) when I got together with my current partner nearly 25 years ago. We're still together and very happy. Had he shared your sentiments, he would not be currently outside fixing our 17yo's bicycle.

 

That said, if your ideals are working for you - stick to them.

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Its apples and oranges really this is a life style choice and people make them all the time doesn't mean one is "better" then the other unless there is some form of abuse going on (and it doesn't sound like it) and hes allowing himself to stay in it then I dont see why his self easteam is any lower then yours? why is that even a issue for you? that's a odd stand point to have of a friend..dose he know you feel this way?

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Poe. Why would one want to get into a relationship with someone that is not leagally finished with their former relationship.

 

My buddy G is not gung ho about this. Yet because he puts up with it. It remains so. If he had said something like. Ok after a year of dating. Having kids and moving in with her other kids is only going to happen when she gets legally Divorced. He met her in year 4 of her separation and as of Feb 2017 will be having a second child with her and The Divorce has not been legally started.

 

Should I emulate that as well. I went on a Date with a Separated woman in May of 2015 and I think because she was still in her Separation state and no finalization of her Divorce. We could never get off the ground.

 

Again if G said to his GF that No kids/No living together until she gets Divorced. It would have sparked her getting tough with her Ex and they would have been Divorced by now. G was not expecting this second kid to pop out and he did not look thrilled when he told me about the second kid. I don't think if I told him what was going to happen to him now 4 yrs ago. No way would he say he would want that.

 

So for me. I see his Self Esteem as lower than mine. No way would that ever happen to me. No woman would ever get me to do what G's GF is doing to him now which is rushing a family on to him, when she has not finished her divorce and it will be year 8 of just a Separation. Why does the G's GF's Ex want to stay legally tied to her when she is expecting her second child of her current BF of 4 yrs come Feb 2017. When I was with him the other day. He came off as stressed to me. I just think his GF is letting her Ex run the show.

 

I personally think that is a major difference between the success rate of a love relationship is due to the foundation on how it is set on. What do they do when the Kids ask why their parents are not married.

 

I have another friend that met his wife who was separated. Except he helped her get her Divorce. In the end with two kids later when the second one was born. She left him and started another relationship with another man and got pregnant with the new man and left him two. So fast forward to today. She has 4 kids with 2 different guys. By the way. If my friend was guy #1 then the current guy she is with right now is guy #5.

 

I have other friends that are successful with their relationship in the sense that they don't have these heavy things to deal. The only thing I guess is that those men and the women are no nonesense. They would not be with a separated person who is in a murky situation with their ex. I am at the crossroads with my life. I really have to watch my moves.

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Poe. Why would one want to get into a relationship with someone that is not leagally finished with their former relationship.

 

My buddy G is not gung ho about this. Yet because he puts up with it. It remains so. If he had said something like. Ok after a year of dating. Having kids and moving in with her other kids is only going to happen when she gets legally Divorced. He met her in year 4 of her separation and as of Feb 2017 will be having a second child with her and The Divorce has not been legally started.

 

Should I emulate that as well. I went on a Date with a Separated woman in May of 2015 and I think because she was still in her Separation state and no finalization of her Divorce. We could never get off the ground.

 

Again if G said to his GF that No kids/No living together until she gets Divorced. It would have sparked her getting tough with her Ex and they would have been Divorced by now. G was not expecting this second kid to pop out and he did not look thrilled when he told me about the second kid. I don't think if I told him what was going to happen to him now 4 yrs ago. No way would he say he would want that.

 

So for me. I see his Self Esteem as lower than mine. No way would that ever happen to me. No woman would ever get me to do what G's GF is doing to him now which is rushing a family on to him, when she has not finished her divorce and it will be year 8 of just a Separation. Why does the G's GF's Ex want to stay legally tied to her when she is expecting her second child of her current BF of 4 yrs come Feb 2017. When I was with him the other day. He came off as stressed to me. I just think his GF is letting her Ex run the show.

 

I personally think that is a major difference between the success rate of a love relationship is due to the foundation on how it is set on. What do they do when the Kids ask why their parents are not married.

 

I have another friend that met his wife who was separated. Except he helped her get her Divorce. In the end with two kids later when the second one was born. She left him and started another relationship with another man and got pregnant with the new man and left him two. So fast forward to today. She has 4 kids with 2 different guys. By the way. If my friend was guy #1 then the current guy she is with right now is guy #5.

 

I have other friends that are successful with their relationship in the sense that they don't have these heavy things to deal. The only thing I guess is that those men and the women are no nonesense. They would not be with a separated person who is in a murky situation with their ex. I am at the crossroads with my life. I really have to watch my moves.

 

Why do people do any of the things they do in today's world? I dont know and its not my place to pass judgement on them. rather then being a supportive friend here you are placing judgement on G and saying how your self easteam is so much superior then his again why is that even a issue for you? if that's a life style that doesn't appeal to you then great you are entitled to your decisions no ones arguing that.

 

Also you seam to be making G out to be some helpless little victim here he is a consenting adult yes? he has consensual sex with his gf yes? then he knew the chances and repercussions of that and now he will deal with them if he 100% did not want any more kids then he should have gotten fixed problem solved..

 

Moving on clearly he loves his gf or he wouldn't still be with her what they do in their consensual adult relationship is their business...all you can do is be there to support your friend and offer him the best advice you can and im sorry but constantly thinking how much better then him you are is not really being supportive...let him live his life and you live your as you see fit..

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Poe I get what your saying. I guess I feel like I have seen this same situation over and over again. A guy pulls out all the stops to be with a woman and in the end she dumps him.

 

I guess I have to let him live his life. I feel like for me. I have to follow my own path. I just hate to see him go through this. Having her Ex have so much power over them. Its sickning to me.

 

These days Friendship and Marriages seem so fragile. We all have to be on our toes. No matter who you meet.

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Poe I get what your saying. I guess I feel like I have seen this same situation over and over again. A guy pulls out all the stops to be with a woman and in the end she dumps him.

 

I guess I have to let him live his life. I feel like for me. I have to follow my own path. I just hate to see him go through this. Having her Ex have so much power over them. Its sickning to me.

 

These days Friendship and Marriages seem so fragile. We all have to be on our toes. No matter who you meet.

 

 

Whos saying shes going to dump him? whats to say she doesn't go thu with the divorce and they end off married and really happy in the end? it could be the ex H prolonging things if he wont sign or allow the process to begin she might have her hands tied..I cant say I think having the kids out of wedlock is a great idea but things happen when two consenting adults party nekkid...lol if that's not for you then that's ok nothing wrong with setting your own relationship standards just dont try to push them onto others..

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There is no advantage to her ex staying legally married to her. In 2021. Their last kid together. A Girl will be 18. They have been separated for 7 yrs to this day.

 

I feel like She has a mental block with her ex, where he gets to call all the shots. Child support/Visitation is in play now. If her ex wanted her back. He could have gotten her back, before she has kids with my buddy.

 

I don't know why some people let other railroad them. I personally think that my buddy and his GF should sit down with him and say they are looking to get married. Maybe a united front will make it clear to him that 7 yrs of being separated is going to end in a divorce.

 

Even for whatever reason if she broke up with my friend. Whats the ex going to do. Take her back and help her raise two kids come Feb 2017 till at least age 20 or 25, by the time the kids leave the nest?

 

I think some people really need to stake out and carve out a life and not just let things happen. My friend let this foolishness go way too far. He should have put his foot down and said to his GF. No Kids/living together until a divorce is finalized and after that. 2 months later he could have moved in with her and start a family.

 

I have seen this over and over in my life. Anything set up with weak foundation ends up collapsing.

 

So in my mind. The stronger relationship is a foundation where there is no pressure to put things together fast. I don't know any couple where they met, they moved in together while being separated and everything worked out in the end.

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