Should I attend?

[olivetree]

I have a friend I've known for over a decade. We used to hang out a lot on and off and get on great, but I always felt it was a little one-sided in that I seemed to care more / put in more effort. I know I played a role because you teach people how to treat you.

 

Back in the early summer, she moved back to where I live. I found this out by messaging her and her telling me she's actually been back for a couple weeks and pregnant too. I was a bit hurt that she had not bothered to update me. It all kind of clicked that she does not really value our friendship, even though at times I felt like she did. During our convo, she did seem very interested to hear about my life. Since I have often found I am the one to usually initiate contact and plans in the past to catch up, I decided to suggest we get together or initiate contact again after that. I have only wished her a happy birthday. I haven't heard from her at all.

 

Her sister has since messaged me inviting me to my friend's baby shower 2 days before it occurs.

 

Under these circumstances, would you go?

[Nowty V]

They took the trouble to invite you.

 

I would go.

 

I wouldn't go overboard on the present though, maybe a couple of new born baby-grows and a card.

 

Don't become entwined.

 

It would be sour grapes not to go.

 

You're better than that.

[olivetree]

Hey, thanks for your reply. I will take what you said into consideration.

 

I should also add that I already feel short on time to study for an exam next week and had already planned out my weekend for that. It wouldn't just be the time taken to attend, it would be the shopping for a present.

 

I don't think I am bitter. I just don't know if I should put in any more effort in since she doesn't keep in touch unless I message her. If she had called me herself to get together, that would be a whole other story.

Edited October 14, 2016 by olivetree

[preraph]

That's awfully late notice. Unless you are just looking for an excuse to stop being friends, though, you may as well go. Since it's such short notice, just give her a modest gift certificate to Target and a card. Don't bust your butt trying to scramble. It's rude to wait that late to tell you. But we don't know whose fault that is.

[Nowty V]

I hear you.

 

If you're busy, you're busy and that's that.

 

Do people usually invite people to their own babyshowers?

 

I don't know the routine but I thought they were organised by a third party.

 

If you feel you have applied more than enough effort to this relationship and you have things you would rather be doing .. do your own thing.

 

You are under no obligation.

[preraph]

And you can smilingly tell her, "I hope you can use the gift certificate. Since I just got the invitation 2 days ago, I didn't have time to shop and get something more thoughtful."

[olivetree]

 

Do people usually invite people to their own babyshowers?

 

I don't know the routine but I thought they were organised by a third party.

 

 

I think they are usually organized by someone else. I'm sure her sister had my friend's approval to invite me.

 

What I meant by "If she had called me herself to get together, that would be a whole other story" was that if my friend had contacted me to hang out (not at a baby shower) then I would see her. Then I'd know she's actually looking to spend time with me.

 

That's awfully late notice. Unless you are just looking for an excuse to stop being friends, though, you may as well go. Since it's such short notice, just give her a modest gift certificate to Target and a card. Don't bust your butt trying to scramble. It's rude to wait that late to tell you. But we don't know whose fault that is.

 

Yeah, I feel like an afterthought nonetheless.

 

I am going to prioritize my study time, and if I have time and feel up to it, I will go.